335 replies to this topic

[RoaldDahl]

Hi Guys,

 

Quick update. 

 

The first 3 days without diazepam were obviously really really hard. Day 4 was surprisingly good and this day I am struggling quite a bit. Hope the worst of coming of diazepam is behind me after a week. 

Got low blood pressure, incredibly cold feet and hands plus cramped up muscles combined with some anxiety. 

 

At this point I'm so goddamn tired. I've been fighting since March and detoxing since June. It's by far the hardest period I've ever gone through. Sometimes I wonder if i should have stayed simply on the Cymbalta. 

 

Please tell me this is part of getting of of a long detox as I cannot tell anymore what's causing what. 

 

My tinnitus got a lot worse as well btw. 

[fishinghat]

No surprises here. The cramps and anxiety are standard with benzo withdrawal and should get better in around 3 to 5 weeks. I don't understand the low blood pressure as withdrawal (as with any stress) will raise bp. 

 

The benzo withdrawal is aggravating your tinnitus but will subside.  If you take 600 mg of N-acetylcysteine (an antioxidant) twice a day it usually helps with the benzo withdrawal. Do not get any with beet root extract though or it will further lower bp.

 

Hang in there RD. It will get better.

[RoaldDahl]

I haven't taken the NAC yet as I too scared to take any more supplements besides my Omega and Vitamins. Stupid right? I should just take it. 

[fishinghat]

It should help some but the decision is yours.

[RoaldDahl]

I will take it tomorrow. I'm a bit shocked that after an almost 11 weeks detox and taper I still have this heavy of a withdrawal..Wasn't expecting this at all. 

[fishinghat]

Most people don't but research shows that from a biological standpoint it takes the body a full 2 years to recover on average, Of course there is improvement during that time. From what I have seen most members take around 6 to 8 months to begin recovering after last dose. 

[RoaldDahl]

Hello friends,

 

Need your advice. 

 

I've completely lost my faith in doctors. Today I had another heavy withdrawal panick attack. I called my psychiatrist and she said it wasn't normal to have this after 7 days and that the diazepam is already out of my body. She doesn't know what to do anymore and want's to send me to a psychiatric clinic.. 

 

I called a detox center myself and they told me I most definately can have these attacks 1 week after stopping diazepam. Should I bite through? This is so incredibly fucking hard. I'm a tough guy but this is literally torture. 

 

I am seven days clean with no Diazepam. Should it get better soon?

 

Should I go to a clinic? 

 

I don't know what to anymore. 

[fishinghat]

Hi RD

 

Did you try the  N-acetylcysteine yet?

 

What about Lion's mane mushroom (got to get the right one though?

 

Benadryl, ash, melatonin (sublingual), etc.

 

Can you get a prescription to clonidine and/or hydroxyzine?

 

As fast as you weaned the symptoms can last as long as 8 or 9 weeks before you start to see improvement.

[invalidusername]

Hi Roald...

 

I gave you a like on that one as it was a damn tough thing to come on here to write. I really feel for you. So much. You have come so far, and done so well.

 

What your doctor says is a load of BS - of course this can happen a week after your last dose. It doesn't just magically all get better. 

 

If only!!!

 

I am with Hat completely. NAC is a good start as we have seen that help. Personally I went for Kratom, but I am aware people's own concerns around the addiction for that. But. Clonidine/Hydrox is a possible and they work straight away. Not waiting 5-6 weeks. You will know as soon as you start taking them whether they are for you, and they will be a cakewalk to come off compared to the benzo.

 

Keep coming back here and talking to us. Anytime. Night or day. 

 

IUN

[RoaldDahl]

Hello friends,

 

Thanks for the very kind words, I really needed that. 

 

I had a total breakdown last night of anxiety/crying and all my fears came out. This was together with my dad. I've called in sick at work and will be out for a while. My recovery is more important to me and I cannot the handle the stress of work at the moment. 

 

I have asked for another psychiatrist specialized in anxiety/medication/withdrawal and hope to see him/her this week. 

 

My dad and me came to the conclusion that IF my anxiety isn't lower by Wednesday I will start with 2mg Diazepam per day to at least get stable. This is no life. I can barely go outside and my nights are a living nightmare. 

 

I need more help from doctors and will ask for it. 

 

Any suggestions are welcome. I hope I am doing the right thing. 

 

Roald. 

[fishinghat]

I hate to see you going back on a benzo RD but you got to do what you got to do. Subjective studies show that updosing on a benzo has only a 50/50 chance of success.

[invalidusername]

I am so sorry to hear this. It is so tough. 

 

We are not here to tell you not to do something, you need to decide what is best, and if that is what will keep you stable, then that is what it must be. But there is no harm in doing this, nor guilt. 

 

We're here for you.

[RoaldDahl]

Guys,

 

I haven't touched the diazepam yet but the panic is real. Have you guys gone through cripling panick/anxiety while going through this? Should I at least hold on for 2 weeks? I feel like a quitter when I would take some diazepam but my days are really a living nightmare. I have around 2 severe panickattacks a day. Feel like I'm dying/having a heartattack. 

 

Maybe the citalopram is not doing it's work... I don't know what is causing what anymore. I was calmer while on the diazepam, the last 10 days have been bloody awfull. My doctor says it's impossible that it's withdrawal which really makes me doubt myself. I should hang on till end of the week right?

[fishinghat]

This is classic benzo withdrawal and the symptoms can last another 2 months give or take. Going back up on a benzo is a 50/50 chance that it will help. These are strong medications and going back up a little is not being a quitter. You don't need to be ashamed of that. There is no reason to be ashamed. It is being smart. 

 

It may not take much to bring on releif so I would start with just a few grains, say a10th of a tablet. From your reaction to that, which should be felt within a couple hours you can get an idea if it will help and how much it will take. It is better to take a few grains often than to take a larger dose on a constant basis. It will make any future withdrawal easier.

[invalidusername]

Your doctor is a fool. They get an idea in their head... and that's it... this IS withdrawal. No question.

 

Just as Hat said, and I did earlier, there is no reason to be ashamed in going back up a bit - but just hope it gives some comfort.

 

Hat knows more about benzos that myself, so follow his advice. I am currently battling with doctors as my wife took an overdose (having been on 10mg/day - minimum - for around 10 months). They have removed all access to them thus forcing a cold turkey and I am going to go sparco at them tomorrow. The people do not know what the are dealing with. You have done a damn good job. Don't set yourself time limits as it will only cause you more stress, thinking that if you make it til Friday you will have failed if you take a dose.

 

One day at a time, ok? Don't feel bad whatever goes your way. No-one here is going to judge you. We just want you to be well my friend.

 

IUN

[RoaldDahl]

Your doctor is a fool. They get an idea in their head... and that's it... this IS withdrawal. No question.

 

Just as Hat said, and I did earlier, there is no reason to be ashamed in going back up a bit - but just hope it gives some comfort.

 

Hat knows more about benzos that myself, so follow his advice. I am currently battling with doctors as my wife took an overdose (having been on 10mg/day - minimum - for around 10 months). They have removed all access to them thus forcing a cold turkey and I am going to go sparco at them tomorrow. The people do not know what the are dealing with. You have done a damn good job. Don't set yourself time limits as it will only cause you more stress, thinking that if you make it til Friday you will have failed if you take a dose.

 

One day at a time, ok? Don't feel bad whatever goes your way. No-one here is going to judge you. We just want you to be well my friend.

 

IUN

 

Jezus IUN, that's horrible and really dangerous! Did you school them today?

 

For now: I have called in sick at work. I've been fighting since March and I just don't have any energy left to work at the moment. My panic attacks are getting less severe than they were this weekend, that's a good sign. I haven't touched Diazepam. My dad is with me mostly, I feel incredibly lonely and anxious when he is gone..

[invalidusername]

The nurse turned up and told me that she hasn't yet spoken to the prescribing doctor. My wife is now into the hallucination stage and the nurse said "don't worry, it will pass soon". 

 

She then took her blood pressure from her right arm, and asked her to raise it up in the air - two mistakes.

 

She then pricked her finger to take blood sugar and was squeezing her like a chew toy because she couldn't get any blood.

 

"You might like to ask my wife to lower her arm below heart level", I said holding my nerves.

 

I quizzed her again about the withdrawal and she told her just to get some OTC antihistamines... and left. 

 

I really feel for you RD. So much. Of course you feel lonely and anxious when your father is gone - don't feel bad about that. Anyone in your position would feel the same. Very glad to hear that your panic attacks have reduced in severity. You are doing a fantastic job - hold in there as best you can.

 

IUN 

[RoaldDahl]

The nurse turned up and told me that she hasn't yet spoken to the prescribing doctor. My wife is now into the hallucination stage and the nurse said "don't worry, it will pass soon". 

 

She then took her blood pressure from her right arm, and asked her to raise it up in the air - two mistakes.

 

She then pricked her finger to take blood sugar and was squeezing her like a chew toy because she couldn't get any blood.

 

"You might like to ask my wife to lower her arm below heart level", I said holding my nerves.

 

I quizzed her again about the withdrawal and she told her just to get some OTC antihistamines... and left. 

 

I really feel for you RD. So much. Of course you feel lonely and anxious when your father is gone - don't feel bad about that. Anyone in your position would feel the same. Very glad to hear that your panic attacks have reduced in severity. You are doing a fantastic job - hold in there as best you can.

 

IUN 

Holy crap, this is absolute horrible and boarderline criminal!

Is there anything you can do? This is absolutely horrible for your wife to go through and I am shocked by the incompetent behaviour of the staff. 

 

I am trying to hold on mate, being as strong as I can. It's troubling that as soon as my dad leaves I go into a state of panic. I really hope that once time passes this will change...Fingers crossed I guess. I really hope to feel better after the first 14 days. Else I don't know what to do anymore to be honest. 

[invalidusername]

It will improve... anxiety and panic will go through the roof when you hit ground zero with benzo withdrawal. But the first 14 days are commonly known as the worst. Once you are through those, you have seen it at is most difficult. You can read a lot of information in the "Benzo Bible" - also known as the Ashton manual, so named after the author;

 

https://benzo.org.uk/manual/

 

Covers a lot of detail. 

 

There are things I can do about the little situation here. This isn't the first time. When I was withdrawing from Cymbalta, a doctor took away my bead stash when I was at 10mg. I had the plan all set out with the help of Hat, but the doctor told me to stop as the bead drop was causing my seizures. The idiot put me in ER. Long story short - he was removed from employment...

[RoaldDahl]

Thats great to hear IUN. I can imagine the suffering you have been going through. 

 

I am currently on day 13 after my diazepam detox. I notice that my anxiety is getting lower. Time went slowwwww the past 2 weeks. The nights are scary for me, can hardly fall asleep. The tremors in my muscles are getting less and less thank god. I don't feel depressed at all, just anxious and a body in a state of constant alertness. I do feel it decreasing day by day. 

[invalidusername]

Good to hear. Anxiety is usually the flip side of the depression coin as Hat has often said. Don't be alarmed if you get a bit down as a rebound of the anxiety going. This will be your neurochemicals going a little bit too far over the mark and needing to come back into line - again, perfectly normal withdrawal behaviour.

 

All my "suffering" can be read on the forum!! But I wouldn't blame anyone for steering clear, but it is good for me to read back all those months ago just so I keep perspective. If I have dark days, I can look back and see what dark days COULD be like from 2 years ago.

 

One of the great things about a forum. 

 

Even Hat has got his darker days on here... that long ago, when he was still in his 80's

[frog]

Hi Roald!

Just popping in to tell you that when I stopped Cymbalta almost a year ago (wow...) I had massive panic attacks multiple times a day. Guess how many panic attacks I had before Cymbalta? That's right zero. Don't let anyone try to gaslight you about your own lived experience. It took 5 months until I stopped getting the panic attacks. Then for 5 more months after that I wouldn't get full blown panic attacks but I would get these odd adrenaline jolts/rushes at random, and some days my chest would be tight all day and I felt like I could barely breathe. All pointed to an excess of adrenaline imo. During the worst of it beta blockers helped me with the panic attacks. I took them twice a day. They were quite easy to get off of however if you decide to use them be mindful that they can make you lightheaded sometimes, but they do a wonderful job of dampening panic attacks because they prevent your heart from racing, the shaking, sweats, etc. 

[fishinghat]

Oh yeah!! I have had my share of dark days for sure. Glad they are over. Time and patience.

[RoaldDahl]

Hello everybody,

 

Thanks for the replies, put's things for me in perspective!

 

Quick update: my anxiety is getting lower. The attacks keep lasting shorter. Good news!

 

Bad news: almost each night after dinner I get extremely dizzy. Low BP. Heart palpitations, stomach problems which result in anxiety. Dizzy. Yesterday I almost fainted while on a walk with my gf. Will have an ECG tomorrow. 

 

My father blames it on my autonomous nervous system and especially my nervus vagus not being accustomed to my new ''situation''. Seems like the most logical explanation to me as well. I am in week 3 of Valium withdrawal now and I can definately see and feel better days than the previous 2 days. 

 

Also find it extremely difficult to concentrate and the nights are horrible. Dead-tired but can't fall asleep. Closing my eyes my feels uncomfortable. 

[invalidusername]

Keep going - things will cycle through some strange things as you go, but low BP is quite normal and exactly what the wife is going through at the moment, but she has gone cold turkey - day 10... so I can see it all happening right here. 

 

Not a lot you can do about the vagus nerve doing it thing. All we can control is our breathing and our response to what occurs. Sure is tough going, but you are staring the withdrawal down with your progress. Well done!!

[RoaldDahl]

2 days without a heavy anxiety attack! That's a first!

 

Sleeping is still impossible to be honest, the nights are horrible.

 

How is your wife IUN? Can she handle it? Tell her she's not alone and I think about her. 

[invalidusername]

Awesome - so glad to hear that my brother!! May it continue. 

 

There may be more in the pipeline, but focus on the frequency - it is reducing!! I would reach for my Kratom if I couldn't sleep. Works every time. But I know it is not for everyone.

 

The wife is a bit wired at the moment. She had the doctor come with the mental health team today and he insisted on a blood test - I had to leave the room! Blood is meant to stay inside the body!! She is still having low level anxiety 24/7, but she has done two walks during the day with the MH team which is good. Rest of the time, she has been resting. She has been given seven 5mg tabs by the primary/GP just to take in emergencies, but that is all she will get having attempted the unthinkable with a whole packet of 24.

 

She just read your post and was touched by the words of a stranger having such compassion. Thank you.

[RoaldDahl]

Hi all!

 

IUN, how/s the wife?

 

Update from my side: sleeping is terrible and breaking me up. It's a very mean thing I have: I am trying to sleep, dead tired but closing my eyes feels very unpleasant. Most nights I collapse of tiredness at 3AM after a day of fighting anxiety. Im afraid of the anxiety attacks. The attacks after quitting Cymbalta have scarred me for good I am afraid. 

It's also hard to see if I am doing better or not. My dad see's it but for my girlfriend it's 6 months of missery and it's breaking my heart. I am still anxious to go for long drives. I can barely do any social activities. Sometimes I am wondering if I shouldn't have stayed on the cymbalta.. The last 6 months since switching have been nothing but pure terror and you woulnd't wish it upon your worst enemy. 

 

Sorry for ranting. I am becoming hopeless. Anxiety is getting less but it's still there in my body non stop. Sleeping is horrible and the worst part is that I can barely focus/concentrate during the day so they take aaaages and I cannot do anything I enjoy. 

 

It's just becoming more difficult for me to stay optimistic as I am fighting for 6 months non stop. Is this still benzo withdrawal? Is this still withdrawal from Cymbalata? I don't know anymore. 

[invalidusername]

Hey RD...

 

Both wife and I are very stressed! Car broke down, family issues, angry clients who expect things done yesterday. I really need a rest and that was what the weekend should have been. But sadly not to be..

 

"Im afraid of the anxiety attacks"

 

This is your problem dear friend. You need to loose the fear of the feeling as Dr Claire Weekes used to say. You won't be scarred for good, I promise you. Hat was at the point that he hid in a cupboard for months, coming out only for medics. If he can get passed that, you have hope (hope you don't mind me sharing Hat). I was the same 2 years ago, and my anxiety is all but gone. I was stuck in a gridlock traffic jam yesterday with no food or water (or valium!), in the heat - just sat there waiting for the police to sort a burning car. 50 minutes I was there and nothing I could do. 

 

It could be a mix of both withdrawal. I really wish more studies would be open to Kratom as it would sort your sleep out right away... and your anxiety for that matter. But I cannot advocate it, but I am more than happy to give you any independent information. I hate to see people go through what you are. 

 

IUN

[RoaldDahl]

Hello friends,

 

How's the wife IUN?

 

Update: almost end of week 4 after I finished my diazepam withdrawal. Starting to feel better. Didn't have the insane anxiety attacks I had in the first 2 weeks. I even went for a short drive on the highway! HUGE victory for myself!

 

Let's hope I can keep this up. 

 

Hope you all are good!