1191 replies to this topic

[fishinghat]

Mxpro

"How long should I hold at 3/4 dose? 2 weeks?"

You hold until stable. The anxiety from benzo withdrawal does not come and go like the Cymbalta withdrawal. I would expect you to be a lot better in 2 weeks.

[frog]

Mxpro I just did a video chat with my therapist. She sent me a link that she said was HIPAA compliant. Can your person set something up like that?  It was a little strange but ultimately not much different than if we were in the same room. I agree that over the phone would be much harder. 

[invalidusername]

Grrr my therapy was cancelled today - was offered a phone alternative but it would just not cut it. 

 

I've had a really bad day because of all of this. I cannot stand all this unpredictability.

[Mxpro32]

Mxpro

"How long should I hold at 3/4 dose? 2 weeks?"

You hold until stable. The anxiety from benzo withdrawal does not come and go like the Cymbalta withdrawal. I would expect you to be a lot better in 2 weeks.

That's a relief. The come and go nature of cymbalta symptoms was frustrating

[Mxpro32]

Boy, I picked a bad year to quit my meds. This economic uncertainty and what it means for my business and livelihood has me a nervous wreck. I'm on the verge of a panic attack, and I don't see relief any time soon. Hope you all are faring better than I am.

[frog]

Sorry to hear it Mxpro. You are definitely not alone. There are many many people in the same boat as you right now. 

 

I'm fortunate that financially I don't think I'm in any danger although my husband was looking for a job for the past few months and of course we're concerned that with what's going on right now, many companies are putting holds on hiring. 

 

With that said, I'm really struggling emotionally with all this. I've been having trouble falling asleep and last night I woke up from a coronavirus related nightmare with panic and fear, and had a tough time calming myself down. There's so much uncertainty about how long this will last and how bad it'll get, that it's very clearly feeding my fears. All I can think of to do to ease the feeling of panic and fear is to commit myself to staying off social media or reading the news. 

[invalidusername]

Absolutely Frog.

 

I have stopped completely having spent the last 2 days in bed. This whole thing has hit me square in my fear spot - the lack of control. So much control has been taken out of my life because of this and I simply cannot cope. I have been laying in bed in fear for almost 48 hours. Nothing is certain, and the thought of being confined to my flat for 3 months scares the crap out of me. Five months of awesome recovery, and now this. I can feel it all coming back. 

 

So MX, you are NOT alone. I am very very scared.

 

Love to you all.

[Mxpro32]

It sucks don’t it?  I’ve been lucky in my recovery in that everything has been stable and I haven’t been forced to push myself.  I still can’t push myself as I probably won’t be getting any orders, but being forced to just pass the time with my kids with zero control and financial worries that are completely out of my control is very difficult.  We will all be fine on the other end of this, it’s just not going to be fun.  Full on fear with nothing to do or nowhere to go is going to make time pass very slowly.  I wish I was able to have faith and just hunker down and enjoy my kids. I’m out of control anyway.  The weather here is so beautiful it feels impossible that there is a nasty virus out there.  We had an unseasonably cold storm come through and dump snow on the nearby mountains down to 2000 feet elevation, and the air is so clear the mountains look like you can touch them.  Bummer it’s hard to enjoy it.

[invalidusername]

Same with the weather down here - and there are people outside laughing a joking and I am wishing how much I could revel in their joy, but cannot see how they can turn a blind eye to all that is going on in the world. I just each will catch up in their own time. I at least just want to get to this peak so we can see a down turn in cases and see the light at the end of the tunnel - but this is said to be another 8 weeks or so, and as you say, this is going to go so slowly, you just know it...

[Mxpro32]

And hopefully everyone makes it through financially and the economy doesn't collapse

[invalidusername]

That really depends on how long it takes things to be reversed. How my landlady can expect me to pay rent next month when all my clients are cancelling? Not fair on everyone at the moment. 

[Mxpro32]

In the US, they are banning foreclosures and evictions for a couple months. There is just going to have to be understanding on everyone's part. There are so many people in your position, they can't possibly evict everyone. A sense of calm has actually come over me as I process this and realize it's not just me in a potentially tough spot. These are unique circumstances and we're all in this together.

[Mxpro32]

Every time I think I've come to grips with the situation, they change the rules. I'm trying to get 2 customers orders out before we are unable to and the customers cancel. This is nearly 10 thousand dollars in orders that I really don't want to have to refund. I need some parts from an electro plater to get them out. They are supposed to be done any day, but now the governor has issued a state wide stay at home order. I'm going to need this money to make it through the next few months. They just keep locking down more. How long can this continue?

[invalidusername]

I am waking up every morning to clients cancelling. It is ridiculous. There are 1,3 million people in my county and only 24 have go this damn virus. 

[Mxpro32]

Their are 5 confirmed cases in my county

[Polly38]

There are 15 in Gloucestershire (that they know of).

[Mxpro32]

I was able to get my supplies, I also got a new order and it looks like I might be getting another new order.

[frog]

Just wanted to add that, at least in the US, for every 5 cases they know of there are probably dozens or who knows, hundreds?, that they don't know about because the severe lack of testing here. So the number of confirmed cases is definitely way lower than whatever the true number of infected is. 

 

Some good news: China is now saying Wuhan has no new cases and they are slowly reopening and slowly resuming their lives there, and China is offering supplies and medical help to other countries that are being overwhelmed with cases. A city in Northern Italy that instituted a major lockdown almost immediately is also reporting that they have very few new cases as opposed to the chaos we're seeing in the rest of Italy. So it looks like lockdowns really do work.

 

From what I understand, the point of the lockdown isnt to wait until the virus goes away, I think the goal is just to spread out the infections so everyone isn't getting sick all at the same time and overwhelming the hospitals, and also to buy enough time for enough test kits to be created so that EVVVVVERRRYYYBODY can be tested so we can quickly and easily determine who has the virus and isolate them immediately. Long term, we'll eventually get a vaccine and at some point herd immunity will also take over. 

 

Just like the rest of you I wish I knew how long these lockdowns were going to truly last, San Francisco's current order is until 4/3, but of course there's a good chance they'll extend it. It's really hard right now feeling so uncertain about everything, but I think in the next couple of weeks we'll have a much clearer idea of where things are at and hopefully that'll give us all some piece of mind. 

 

For now, I'm getting annoyed with all the nonstop posts on social media about how one should take this time to work on a hobby or learn a new skill. Personally I'm just trying to get through each day, one day at a time. The pressure to come out of this some kind of "changed" person is truly obnoxious. Just my two cents! 

[invalidusername]

Cracking post Frog - thanks.

 

Yes, it is wonderful to see how China have turned things around, but they were testing everyone coming in through the airports so early on, and here in the UK, people are freely walking right through customs and remain unchecked. A lockdown until 4/3 would be amazing!! The UK lockdown in force as of today will last a minimum of 12 weeks. This applies to all elderly, all those with existing conditions - all the pubs, bars, clubs, gyms, cinemas, restaurants... all closed. Supermarkets are obviously still open, and other shops are only open if they want to be. 3 months is such a long time to be in lockdown.

[Mxpro32]

I've been on 3/4 dose klonopin for a bit. I feel like I stabilized so I'm planning to drop 10 percent per week starting last night. I have felt pretty good the last few days and I feel even better today. As I taper off, I can feel my emotions coming back and my mood improving.

[fishinghat]

Excellent!!

[invalidusername]

I've been on 3/4 dose klonopin for a bit. I feel like I stabilized so I'm planning to drop 10 percent per week starting last night. I have felt pretty good the last few days and I feel even better today. As I taper off, I can feel my emotions coming back and my mood improving.

 

It is news like that which is where God shines in these otherwise uncertain times. May this long continue for you MX... and thanks for sharing.

[frog]

Mxpro I'm so glad to hear you figured out the source of your sudden downturn in mood! 

 

I'm still struggling to feel any joy for a little while now. Everything feels like just going through the motions and it's weighing even more heavily on me right now that we're basically stuck in our houses. These were not things I ever remember questioning before. I'm still hopeful either the Seroquel or the Gabapentin I take to help sleep are the culprits and are suppressing my moods, similar to you and your Klonopin. 

 

Unfortunately I don't think I'm ready yet to taper down the Seroquel because I don't think I can sleep without it. I'm starting by tapering down the Propranolol instead (day 1 today!) and go from there. Hopefully I can regain a little more and more of myself as I get off this remaining cocktail of meds.  

[Mxpro32]

I'm about over this coronavirus crap. This year has tested my patience and acceptance of lack of control more than any other. I've had it, but all I can do is sit, wait, and try not to worry about losing my business and financial ruin. Sucks. It was nice when I was fairly certain my fears and worries were irrational.

[invalidusername]

That's exactly the problem. And it is important to understand what is a legitimate worry. 

 

I was concerned that I was starting to slip backwards when this all started, but who isn't? The fears are rational. The government SAY they will give me 80% of my turnover.... in bloody June... but I cannot be sure. And this morning I get an email to remind me that my car insurance and tax is due in a couple of weeks! Like the government can justify taking money for road tax when they are telling us we can't work!!!

 

Like you say. Sit, wait and try not to get too caught up in it. 

[Mxpro32]

I just hope real consideration is given to the cost of letting people’s businesses and life work tank due to the drastic measures being taken.  There has to be a discussion about the economy.  If we come out the other end financially ruined, is it worth it?  

[invalidusername]

I quite agree. It is one thing to cover shortfall, but 3 months of no business can - and will - have a knock-on effect.

 

Quite why the British government have said they will cover 80% I don't know. What about the other 20%?! I still need it!!

[frog]

Hi Mxpro!

Was wondering how you're doing and if you're still seeing periodic waves? What I mean is, I'll go through a period of days where I feel pretty darn good, anxiety is low, I feel hopeful, everything feels good and easy. And then I can feel day by day things start to turn a bit, I'll feel more antsy, more emotional, less sure about things, more worried about all manner of random things, etc. Then it'll hit a "bottom". Granted the bottom is still wayyyyyy better than things once were, but it's noticeably worse than those pretty good days. 

[Mxpro32]

I think so. It’s hard to separate out with all the craziness and chaos right now, and how I’m still tapering from Klonopin.  I haven’t had any great days in a while, but I’ve had mostly ok days.  I still don’t have much motivation or creativity and life seems muted.  The last couple of days I’ve been pretty emotional and I’ve cried some. April 1st was my older brothers birthday who passed away 11 years ago.  I just lowered my Klonopin dose again, which makes me a little anxious and makes my emotions raw.  I feel anxiety and emotional energy well up until I cry sometimes when I’ve just lowered the dose.  The anxiety is bearable though.  I’m under half a pill now, about 40% dose.  I’ve actually been sleeping decent, but the first few nights after a dose drop I don’t sleep great because I’m antsy and anxious.  Still not terrible sleep like before though. I’m not startled wide awake at 4 am.  I’m hoping to have some truly good days again once I’m off of the Klonopin.  I’m kinda stuck in blah land.  It sucks cause my kids are home and having a blast being out of school, but I’m having a hard time making the best of it.  Playing with them feels like work because I don’t have any motivation or intrinsic rewards.  I’m trying to adjust my attitude and not let life be on hold until this thing is over.  I’m not really convinced I’d be any happier if we weren’t dealing with the virus though.  I’m trying to keep perspective, I would have killed to be where I’m at now a few months ago.  When I hear certain songs from frozen 2 it brings me back to the pain I felt in the dark times cause my daughter would listen to them in the car on the way to preschool.  It makes me cry when I realize how bad it was and how far I’ve come. Those were scary times.  

[fishinghat]

That sounds decent Mxpro. If you dropped a little slower it might have less impact but whatever you are comfortable with. At this rate when will you be done?