109 replies to this topic

[fishinghat]

This will be tough for her as there will surely be some level of setback afterwards. Please be sure and plan on some relaxation and quiet time after she returns from the trip. Her mental fortitude will get better as time passes.

[invalidusername]

Agree with Hat - this is the best thing you can do. What you mentioned had to be expected and the fact that she is still willing to go ahead shows her strength in all this. Just think back to how happy you were when this was arranged.... and anyone in this situation would have a certain amount of stress and anxiety. As happy as weddings and breaks etc are, everyone manages to see the stress response in it all, but the aftermath of all the build-up will be something else altogether, so continue to encourage and help where you can to make the process of preparation as light work as possible so she has the energy left to enjoy everything.

 

This was one of the reason why the mrs and I didn't have a big wedding - far too much hassle, preparation and attention!! Just her, me, the parents, close friends and a few stuffed animals that were insisted an invite

[fishinghat]

"and a few stuffed animals that were insisted an invite"

Ahh ha, you did find out what to do with a cat. You taxidermy them!! Great idea!!

[invalidusername]

Walked right into that one didn't I

 

Still sick, but I couldn't help but laugh... shame on me!!

[gail]

Bravo for you all. If she can take on a trip like this, she's on the mend.

We are all proud of you both. An update would be appreciated. Have fun with the little wee ones. Love. Bon voyage Madame CP23.

[Cp23]

She made it to the top.
#proud

[invalidusername]

Amen!

[Cp23]

She starts the long journey home today. She's made it to the top of Africa, survived the lions and is now ready to come home. She did it.

[Cp23]

Oh and day 180. Proud to say that dad also made it through this period without any real issues. The kids have been fantastic

[fishinghat]

Now that is a story book ending. So happy for you all. I bet you will be glad when she gets home.

[gail]

Cp23,

I must say that your wife has a lot of spunk!
It took me two years to be well enough to go see my mom in Spain. It was marvelous, and alone with God.
Later, maybe another update? Thank you.

[Cp23]

She does indeed have a lot of spunk. She's braver than she thinks. Unfortunately just before she left, she had a big set back with one of the mums from our school. There are allegations that my wife hurt another child in the act of seperating our son and hers in a fight. I was hoping that this would have been cleared up by the time she got home, unfortunately it's only gotten worse. I'm so grateful for that trip as I don't think she'd have been as strong as she is being now in order to handle the allegations. It's a really disasterous position to be in, and unfortunately these sorts of things have a habbit of sticking about. My wife is innocent (the sheer number of tears shed because of it indicates to me as much). But yeah, this is less than ideal, and it has us questioning the next move. 

[fishinghat]

Good grief, that is the last thing she needs right now. And I am sure that rumors will fly long after it all is settled.

 

My sincere sympathy and best wishes to you both.

[invalidusername]

There was me thinking it was just the UK that sees this sort of thing. These parents will do anything for money/attention/self-indulging egotism. I sincerely hope that this is suitable worked out in your favour. But given the all teachers are required by law to be vetted (I assume as they are in the UK), there should be some support. Whenever I am involved with a minor (as my work occasionally does), I insist that an adult is present at all time, otherwise I outright refuse.

 

A cruel twist of rate - my thoughts are with you both.

[Cp23]

So a bit of a follow up.

It's been a funny journey up unitl now. She is still having some massive anxiety over the school thing, which will soon come to a head once the school year starts up.

The university course is causing her no end of stress as well. 

 

Out of the pan and into the frying pan.

 

But this too shall pass. 

[invalidusername]

Such as life unfortunately. Try not to get the ways of everyday life confused with the effects of the drug. Everyone feels this pain and anguish from similar scenarios, but she will be left quite vulnerable after her journey. 

 

But neither of you can loose sight of the fact that people endure this sort of thing every day. This is normal life and it is a case of learning how to cope with it rather that fight against it - the latter will only end in more problems. Like I said the other day in another post..

 

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain.

[Cp23]

School has been back one week now. The fantastic thing is that the other parents at the school have suggested that this is a major over reaction, we've heard nothing from the school either. So the general feeling is that we've past the worst of the worst.
Regarding university, she's incredibly anxious about this course and was contemplating withdrawing and trying again in 12 months. Luckily we went and saw a Dr today who had referred her for counselling and some learning techniques to cope with the anxiety when it hits.
At the gp she completed a questionnaire, and the wonderful thing was that her depression scores were brilliantly low, especially when compared to the same questionnaire she completed 3 years ago.

So she's doing excellently in a lot of ways and we have some options for the future especially with her stress management.

[fishinghat]

"Luckily we went and saw a Dr today who had referred her for counselling and some learning techniques to cope with the anxiety when it hits."

Excellent, I can't stress how helpful stress coping skills have been for me. A real blessing but it does take some time to get good at them.

[invalidusername]

Absolutely agree with Hat here.

 

Meds just didn't cut it for me. My therapist has been my proverbial life-raft. Never underestimate the important of a good CBT and life-management therapist. 

[Cp23]

I hope you're all doing well given the current state of the world. We're at day 317 since her last tablet. 

What has happened to us since my last update?

1. The school reached out to us, spoke to us. The principle informed us after the meeting that she believed there was nothing untoward done -- major relief.

2. The uni course is taking its toll -- anxiety initially, so she attended her counselling. The counseller decided to focus on the depression although she wasnt dealing with depression. Low and behold, my wife is depressed again -- she is not able to deal with the underlying family issues. It's too painful for her. 

3. Covid19. Enough said. 

 

So unfortunately she's not great, and I am unsure how to tackle this. She's half way through the uni course, we won't be able to travel for the foreseeable future, so nothing to look forward to. It's hard, given just how perfect it was.

[fishinghat]

I really don't know what to say. With your life stagnant right now there is little to do until things improve. Hang in there.

[invalidusername]

Hmmm. Tough one.

 

Right off the bat - you have a positive. Bank that - its a good thing.

 

COVID - nothing you, or anyone else, can do. It will be part of life. Any emotion should be directed anywhere other than this for now.

 

As for the course and the depression, this is a shame. It could be a rebound form the meds, but if she has a good therapist, then this is the best place for her. As I said to you last time you were here, the importance of the RIGHT therapist cannot be emphasised enough. 

 

Perfect is a word I tend not to use. We are all unique, as are our circumstances. Perfect is very objective and therefore cannot be used outside the context of one's own perception. Therefore, you should not judge your image of perfection against any others. Your state of affairs at any given point are what they are - sometimes better than other times, but never strive for something that can only exist in someone else's perception. You do what you can, and to the best of your ability. This is "perfect" enough.

 

Bit profound, but hope it helps.

[Cp23]

Hey all, another quick update. Since my last post, we've had good and bad times. 

The kids have gone back to school which has taken a big load off of our shoulders. We've had some good times and some less than good times. 

Overall, I think she's doing better. As I've mentinoed in the past, she's not as depressed as what she was when she was on duloxotene (ie, first 12 months on it was good, the next 12 months not good). 

We're getting there, her uni course is hard but she's getting through it, and doing really well (4.0 gpa). Our marriage is strong, we don't fight, we don't really yell at each other. We do have moments of being shitty with one another, but overall it's not too bad.

She's nearly 12 months off duloxotene. 

Overall (outside of my last post), she got through, from a fairly hard cold turkey, challeneged herself and has gone above and beyond. She's my hero.

[fishinghat]

Yea, well done to both of you. Doing this together should make your relationship even stronger.

[Cp23]

So my beautiful and intelligent wife finished her course yesterday. I'd suggest she wasn't far off the dux. She did amazingly well and overall is killing it. We're doing well covid wise so that probably helps. But yeah, time to celebrate

[Cp23]

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about Gails passing. She was a board stalwart who's post helped me to understand what my wife was going through. RIP.

My wife started full time employment two weeks ago, as a result of finishing the course and not knowing what she's going to do, she experienced massive amounts of anxiety. It was so bad she's been given benzos and zoloft. I'm not happy about either but it's going to help her through. She's also seeing a psychologist which is helping massively this time round.
As always, this too shall pass.

[fishinghat]

I hate to see people go back on drugs with bad withdrawals. Got to do what you got to do though.

[Cp23]

I'm less than happy about it. Unfortunately her anxiety was over the top

[fishinghat]

What bothers me is that they immediately go to antidepressants and benzos while there is medication that may help which don 't have a withdrawal. Sad.

[invalidusername]

What bothers me is that they throw all three at the problem at the same time - why?!

 

Talking therapy first.. then the drugs - but why an SSRI as well as a benzo?!