894 replies to this topic

[invalidusername]

For those that know me, this needs no introduction, but for those who would like more background to how I got here, please read my original thread here;

 

https://www.cymbalta...ea-where-to-go/

 

Everyone here has been - and continues to be - a great help to me... and as of today, I am free of the poison that we all know to be Cymbalta, or in my case the UK equivalent, Duloxetine. I switched from Citalopram (Celexa) over to Duloxetine 5 months ago, and have now switched back due to adverse reactions. Much like other who have fallen prey to this drug, I am one of the 44% who suffer the withdrawal syndrome, and one of the 10% (although these figures are based on one study and in reality may be higher) who have extreme reactions. Anyway - onto today.

 

DAY 1 (last dose was yesterday 11am - 10 beads)

 

Slept well, most likely due to having bad sleep night before. Woke to feeling that head wanted to be removed and thrown from the window. Immediately started moving feet and whole body was tense. Then whole leg started shaking and hand (oddly left leg and right hand). Very similar to what happened yesterday. Speech was affected in that I was stuttering a lot of words like they were stuck in my throat, although concentration seemed to be there.

 

Five hours on, I am a bit better. Exhausted from all the movement and light headed from shallow breathing required to speak. Very down in spirit knowing that I still have more of this to come. But putting this in a diary here on the forum I think will help, and if it helps just one person going through the same knowing that they are not alone, I will be even happier.

 

More to follow in due course...

[Noush]

Well done IVUN! Congratulations on getting off this stuff! I've been following your post & progress. You've done amazing & been so strong! Not sure if I'll even get off of it, as I've felt like shit after dropping only 20 beads. But I don't really suffer any bad side effects from taking it, so I'm not in any major rush to get off.

I hope you manage to get a good night's sleep tonight. I find I'm always so much better after a decent nights sleep.

[gail]

IUN,

So proud of you for making this diary for us to follow. Thank you for letting us in.

[invalidusername]

Thanks guys - such lovely encouraging words.

 

I have managed 4 hours out for half a work day and a bit of light shopping. Anxiety is there, but it is niggling at me. The withdrawal has moved my underlying threshold so the slightest thing could set me off, so am being very careful. Need to find a balance of "keeping my feet wet" by carrying on with life, and taking the appropriate time to rest while this poison does its worst...

 

Grrrrrrr. 

[fishinghat]

IUN,

So proud of you for making this diary for us to follow. Thank you for letting us in.

Ditto to what Gail said.

[invalidusername]

Thanks ever so 'Hat. 

[invalidusername]

DAY 2 - around 10% left in my body (equivalent 1 bead)

 

Glad to say I had a good sleep. Had a few drops of CBD Oil just before, and nodded off quite peacefully. 

 

When I woke I had such brain fog. Really crazy and I again feel like I want to rip my head off and let all the fog out. Then legs started moving - as if it were just something I needed to do to control the anxiety. Not restless legs. This is more involuntary almost in an attempt to distract. They are very tense - as are arms. But no shakes which is good. Words are still a bit stuttery due to tension, but seem a little easier. Just a little.

 

Two hours into the day, I am up in bed with a cup of green tea, but legs are still moving a bit and I cannot "un-tense" and anxiety is on an edge, feeling like the smallest thing could tip me over.

 

Trying to focus on the no shakes today thou. Small steps. But trying not to get impatient with the anxiety is really not easy. It's been far too long and just want it to loosen its grip. I did so much work to control it over the last 12 months and fear that I am being pushed back to square one...

 

[EDIT] Am trying a lesson in positivism by making bold my good points - thanks Gail... lovage!

[juli]

Glad to hear that you are feeling some improvements IUN.  I pray that the withdrawl eases up soon and that you will start feeling yourself again.  I really hope that the Citalopram starts working on relieving your symptoms.

[invalidusername]

DAY 3 - No Duloxetine left

 

Thanks for your kind words Juli - the Citalopram is a difficult one having been on it for so many years, but we will see.

 

So my third morning of not taking the Duloxetine. I again had a good sleep and woke to a nice bright day. But I was still very tired and drifted back off to sleep for an hour. During this hour I had some very anxious-fed dreams and consequently woke very startled.

 

However, yesterday I felt so much better. After around 4pm I started to feel quite positive and this carried on all the way thru to bed. Sure there was the occasional moment of doubt, but the positive stuff kept it at bay. Overall a very nice day.

 

Back to today. I no longer have the shakes or leg movements, but brain fog has increased and is keeping me locked a little from reality. I managed a quick walk for around 10 minutes, but could feel the anxiety rising. The anxiety is again like a constant feeling of extreme uncomfort. Thoughts don't play much into it, it is just "there". My brain is creating it without the need of thoughts - if that makes sense.

 

Hopefully this rings true for others here on the forum?

[gail]

Scrat,

You are right about this, that anxiety rises up with no need of thoughts. I relate to this very well. Makes sense.

[invalidusername]

Thanks Gail... Not a lot changed throughout the rest of today. 

 

But I have been able to carry on as normal, but just not feeling so good. Had a walk with the wife, went to see a friend for a couple of hours, and have rested for the remainder. So whilst the anxiety is there and getting to me, I can still function. Am just trying my best to pay it no mind, as we all know the more we focus on it, the more power we give it, thus the worse it can be.

 

But for day 3, I should be happy with such results! Just need to keep going... There is a light at the end of the tunnel now, but just can't reach it at the moment.

[gail]

As Fishinghat says, the point is not to feel good, but for it to be tolerable!

[invalidusername]

DAY 4 - Really in need of support

 

I'm trying to hold this in but I just can't. I am SO tired of this anxiety. Started to get to me too much.

 

Woke and immediately felt like I couldn't do anything. I'm scared to get out of bed because it will make my situation worse. It is nothing specific, just that I am feeling right on the edge. Paranoid. 

 

This has been on and off for a month and I just can't take it any more. I can't cope. What have these damn pills done to me...???

[gail]

Scrat, it will probably ease up during the day. Hold on to the mast!
So many have been where you are today, most made it will a little help.
There should be a ray of light coming your way.

[fishinghat]

This is a cruel drug to many. Those last few beads cause a lot of suffering. Don't forget your CBD and Theanine. Hang tough IUN.

[invalidusername]

Thanks both. I've been as strong as I possibly can, but the withdrawal is just relentless in its fighting against me. Today it is just too strong.

 

My CBD is doing well for the night along with 500mg Magnesium, and I am continuing my Omega 3 with lunch. But not using the Theanine at the moment. 

[gail]

Scrat, I know that we spoke about this, gut health. Primordial in these times. You may need to buy the capsules, plus your yogourt and pickle...can't hurt!

[fishinghat]

WOW! 500 mg of magnesium? That is a lot and the magnesium can lower calcium and increase anxiety if it gets high. When did you have your last magnesium blood test?

[invalidusername]

I didn't really give the magnesium a lot of thought. I started it last year around September when I was looking for supplements to help with sleep. So I have been taking it for 14 months or so...

 

Had plenty of blood tests recently, but nothing specific for magnesium. I am open to your thoughts on this 'Hat... and also my rhodiola rosea as I have this but not taken while I was coming off the Dulox. Now I am off the Dulox I am open to try anything that will aid the process.

 

On that note, I will have a look for probiotics...

[fishinghat]

The standard for magnesium if you are on mag supplements is a magnesium blood test every 6 months as well as calcium. You need to get it checked and soon. We have had several members whose symptoms have gotten worse after going on magnesium due to high levels.

Best probiotic, in my humble opinion, is Ultimate flora.

[invalidusername]

I think a lot of this has become habit. For example, I stopped taking the Vitamin B complex about 2 weeks ago after we discussed it. I don't feel any worse as a result. Besides, I eat a very good diet. Now having said that, I eat a salad with most meals or green vegetables and a nut-based cereal; all of which plenty high in magnesium.

 

I need to reconsider these so-called supplements. useful considering I am at the end of the Mag supply.

 

I am therefore down to Citalopram and my Omega 3... one of which burst in my mouth while I was taking it earlier, and it tasted a lot like fish... What is that about?!

[fishinghat]

"I am therefore down to Citalopram and my Omega 3... one of which burst in my mouth while I was taking it earlier, and it tasted a lot like fish... What is that about?!"

That taste is due to the Omega 3. Omega 3 is a large oily constituent of fish oils (liver, etc). It is what gives fish their fishy taste. That is also why so many algae and kelp smell like fish. They too contain omega 3.

[invalidusername]

DAY 5

 

I really wanted to report something better than yesterday, but I was woken by another feeling of dread. More depression than anxiety this time. I didn't have time to trigger it with thoughts, but as soon as it happened, this was enough to set me off. I feel so low waking up every morning to a mood lottery. I try to keep faith that one day I will see my string of better days, but it has just been too long now that hope is fading. 

 

I am angry that this has happened, irritable that I can't do anything but sit and wait. It is affecting the wife too, which is making me feel guilty. Just too many emotions. Very close to suicidal... and it has been a while.

 

Still have dizziness and fatigue. Apologies that I am struggling to find a positive to bold, but this is unfortunately the reality... for now.

 

Regarding the Omega 3, I was just upset that a vegetarian had to taste fish having never eaten it. 

[fishinghat]

I am not a vegetarian but I hate to taste fish as well. lol The wife and I are avid fisherpeople but neither of us like to eat fish. Go figure. We just collect them and give them to the church for a fish fry.

[gail]

Fishinghat, do you think that taking a couple of beads could help Scrat?

[invalidusername]

The doctors took my bead supply

 

I only had enough to get me to last Thursday... 

[fishinghat]

It would probably help but I guess that is not an option.

[invalidusername]

I'm REALLY struggling today. I can't even remember when things were this bad.

 

I've been suicidal on and off all day. Can't eat, can't concentrate, just cannot shake it no matter what I do.

 

I'm all but positive that the Citalopram is no longer working. 

[invalidusername]

DAY 6

 

Had to wake early to see the mental health team. Was there an hour explaining everything that I am currently going thru. I am sure this hasn't helped my state of mind, but I am still unchanged from the last two days. Depression and anxiety are fighting over my brain for thoughts. I still feel suicidal. Sat here on the forum or looking out the windows contemplating existence. 

 

Around 10pm last night I did improve and enjoyed time with wife, nice dinner and was able to continue some study. Anxiety approached as it came to sleep, but I still managed good sleep until alarm woke me to go to above meeting. 

 

I think the withdrawal is fading in terms of physical symptoms, but the scar from the last 10 weeks is always there and has had some a psychological effect on me and I am worried for how it will shift.

[gail]

Scrat,

Good time with your wife, good sleep. As I can see, depression and anxiety are mainly your symptoms now. No nausea, no diarrhea, no pain! Could I say that you're a lucky guy to have those moments of light.

At eight weeks, I had not had a brief moment of light. 60 bad days out of 60. We might say that you are blessed even with this miserable anxiety and depression. Remember that you've had that before when you came to us in September. Not as bad perhaps. Lovage to you Scrat.