2784 replies to this topic

[fishinghat]

"...there is no reason in this day and age whereby scientists cannot be convinced of the existence of a deity."

 

That comment reminded me of a professor I had in undergraduate school. He was a semi-retired Harvard professor. The man was brillant. In a conversation on God he once stated that when he was young he did the calculations on the odds of each individual reaction taking place in the Kreb's Cycle (the energy producing process that occurs in all cells). He said the odds of that happening randomly was so high that it convinced him there had to be a guiding force (God). Then if you consider the thousands of other processes in the human body, well, it can't just be an accident.

[invalidusername]

Interesting...

 

This is outside of my realm of expertise, but I am interested in pursuing it given the time. Not that I need further proof, but from what I understand, calculating  Kreb's Cycle is no mean feat and takes a lot of patience, so your professor must have had good reason to undertake the reasoning, which only brings me further toward wanting to know more about it....

 

Thanks or sharing brother...

[Axlejames]

Reflections : I have been off Zoloft completely almost 3 months. There have been times of highs and times of lows. Some days are much harder than I may have anticipated. Things I have learned so far is mental health requires work if your going to go it alone with no meds. I have learned self care has to be your top priority. I have seen where in my life I go wrong most (people pleasing). Yet here I am still going still trying. Positive note is I have noticed some of my cognitive abilities coming back (being able to reason my way out of anxiety, Thinking more rationally, soothing and calming myself with self talk) Some examples. I will say this is the first time I have been off and I have moments where I miss the numbness mostly because feelings emotions and life can get quite overwhelming. I have dived a bit deeper into my death anxiety and subsequent health anxiety I have found one of the many roots Ill share here. It came to me the other day as I was struggling with some health anxiety thoughts. I posit to myself why am I so afraid of death and some thoughts that came to me were the what if this is all there is so dived deeper why would that matter. I found that throughout my life I have had a lot of troubles and suffering (Mental , physical etc.. abuse in my childhood into my teens) The war in Iraq and more recently the love of my life walking out of my life for good. If there is nothing after this then why the hell did I have to suffer so much ? Right now I believe suffer brings deeper meaning because God wills us to be better and the only way to be better is in the crucible, however if I am wrong and there is nothing than there is no growth no becoming something better and I come down with a case of nihilism. Getting to a root of the anxiety has helped a bit in realizing that I am a person who suffers from a few mental ailments I can remind myself I will focus on the negative rather than the positive and I will convince my self of the negative why I have no idea its a human trait. In any case my dear friend I hope that your lives are going well I hope this finds you in a good place and that your Christmas season is among the best you will have.

 

Chris

[fishinghat]

I wish everyone who has never experienced or does not understand withdrawal could read your post. It would give them a far better understanding of the effects. You are a champ Chris.

[invalidusername]

What a wonderful post AJ and I was thinking just what my brother Hat was saying. It sounds like there is a real breakthrough here.

 

This line of stuff is what LDN and I talk about a lot. And we would both agree that given the level of suffering that you have had, you are likely to be a very advanced soul. You will have decided back Home what you were going to put yourself through before you came to our little rock. There are things which our souls need to learn and a lot of it suffering which can only take place when we are in our human form, in our "meat-suits". 

 

It is necessarily meant to make sense at this point, but when you return Home, you will realise why you put yourself through it. You are learning so much - your message says it all.

 

Just go back to your earlier messages when you first joined our forum and I will bet that you will read some of what you wrote and think "Did I really say that?!". That is one of the best things of our forum is that you can go back years and see just how far you have come. 

 

I wish you a very Happy Christmas, maybe this should be a CHRIS-mas!! You have a lot to celebrate...

[Axlejames]

Made it to the new year hope you all are doing well

[invalidusername]

Well done AJ - just about made it this end.

 

It is the month post-Christmas that can often be the toughest for me regarding mental health - as I am sure it is for a lot of people - the proverbial January-Blues.

 

Let's all make sure we take it easy!

 

IUN

[Axlejames]

Well done AJ - just about made it this end.

 

It is the month post-Christmas that can often be the toughest for me regarding mental health - as I am sure it is for a lot of people - the proverbial January-Blues.

 

Let's all make sure we take it easy!

 

IUN

I definetly hear and feel what your are talking about we are here for you brother.

[invalidusername]

Hey AJ...

 

I hope you are doing well. It has been really tough for me this end. Nothing new to speak of, just a lot of stress going on, and what with the UK taxes coming in at the end of this month makes it really tough for us self-employed. Time to pay a lot of money and really consider all that we have been doing - comparing to last year and so forth.

 

But I need to accept that as long as I am here and spreading the love, what does the rest matter. 

 

We will return home with none of this money that we accumulate here whilst on earth.

 

There are but two things that we take with us;

 

1. LOVE

2. KNOWLEDGE

 

If we focus on these alone, there is no reason why we will not be happy. Let go of the ego and take hold of what is there for those of us like yourself, Hat. LDN, Hat and myself.

 

We are blessed with this life and this body by God to learn that which is required by our higher (spirit) selves the other side.

 

Never let go of this Chris. NEVER. You will do well. 

 

I have seen you grow so so much over the years, and everything that you have been through has shown me that you are truly an advanced spirit. You have no idea what is awaiting you when you return home my brother. I am so proud of you.

 

Just look at what Hat and Gail have gone through - it is incredible. I would bore you with all that I have been through as well, but I won't as you know a fair bit already. But to live is to learn. Christ suffered just the same as we must all in this life. Don't let that even leave your spiritual mind....

 

IUN

[fishinghat]

That was an awesome (and very accurate) post IUN. 

[invalidusername]

Thanks very much, Hat. Appreciate your kind words.

[Axlejames]

Hey AJ...

 

I hope you are doing well. It has been really tough for me this end. Nothing new to speak of, just a lot of stress going on, and what with the UK taxes coming in at the end of this month makes it really tough for us self-employed. Time to pay a lot of money and really consider all that we have been doing - comparing to last year and so forth.

 

But I need to accept that as long as I am here and spreading the love, what does the rest matter. 

 

We will return home with none of this money that we accumulate here whilst on earth.

 

There are but two things that we take with us;

 

1. LOVE

2. KNOWLEDGE

 

If we focus on these alone, there is no reason why we will not be happy. Let go of the ego and take hold of what is there for those of us like yourself, Hat. LDN, Hat and myself.

 

We are blessed with this life and this body by God to learn that which is required by our higher (spirit) selves the other side.

 

Never let go of this Chris. NEVER. You will do well. 

 

I have seen you grow so so much over the years, and everything that you have been through has shown me that you are truly an advanced spirit. You have no idea what is awaiting you when you return home my brother. I am so proud of you.

 

Just look at what Hat and Gail have gone through - it is incredible. I would bore you with all that I have been through as well, but I won't as you know a fair bit already. But to live is to learn. Christ suffered just the same as we must all in this life. Don't let that even leave your spiritual mind....

z

IUN

Thank you for your kind words. I wanted to come here to update a bit. I have been off Zoloft now for about 3 months and off adderall for about a month. I am currently still in withdrawal although I am able to keep my composure more. There have been moments where I have considered returning to the medicine , however I try to keep some things in mind mostly that right now alot of my environment is affecting me its cold and dreary most days up here in Minnesota and just that time of season where things get a bit harder. I have been able to manage ok. I am still seeing the woman i have been dating and she has been loving and kind and understanding in my mental health issues it is strange to have someone love you unconditionally and sometime scary. I am doing the best I can with what I got working harder at accepting myself. I have been doing therapy for my death anxiety / health anxiety some things i have found is some crossover from the beginning of this in 2018 and trauma from my past so things definetly have been mixed in with that with the religous stuff and death stuff and my past anxieties and trauma. I do not have a clear picture yet of what my future holds i dont think anyone does I do know that God has a plan for me a plan for good not evil. I love you all and hope you are doing ok

[fishinghat]

You have come a long way AJ. Kudos to you.

 

I am back to tapering my Zoloft now that life has settled down some.

[Axlejames]

You have come a long way AJ. Kudos to you.

 

I am back to tapering my Zoloft now that life has settled down some.

You got this hat i know you can do it

[invalidusername]

I am here at at 5am GMT... and really sufferring,

 

I wish I cou;fd find fidn a way a find a way way way outl;

 

The there will  find a way a way a mwan a ay a way thru,,,

 

Hold in there brother. 

 

I am I am I suffering the worst kind at the momensenstest right right night now. 

 

I cannot take it right now.  

 

I hope you can take take of it....

 

I I am properley fucketed fight night ight now

.

[fishinghat]

Talk to us IUN. What is happening? let us help. It will be OK. You can handle things, don't despair.

[LeVana]

@IUN what are you suffering from? your seizures?

[fishinghat]

C'mon buddy. Let us know you are alright.

[Axlejames]

I am here at at 5am GMT... and really sufferring,

 

I wish I cou;fd find fidn a way a find a way way way outl;

 

The there will  find a way a way a mwan a ay a way thru,,,

 

Hold in there brother. 

 

I am I am I suffering the worst kind at the momensenstest right right night now. 

 

I cannot take it right now.  

 

I hope you can take take of it....

 

I I am properley fucketed fight night ight now

.

Dude are you ok ? what is going on please let us know you are all right

[invalidusername]

I'm really sorry for the late reply guys, but your concern speaks volumes and I appreciate your care so much. 

 

But I have been laid up for a few days following 4 seizures one after the other - I was sleeping 14 hours a day and could hardly function.

 

Just reading back my reply to AJ, and it makes no sense whatsoever! That is what it was like. My head was all over the place. I was in bed praying to be mercifully let go.

 

I am a bit better now as you can tell from my writing, but my reply above tells you exactly what was going on. I was trying to keep up to date and reply to AJ, and that was the gibberish that came out. It made perfect sense to me at the time, but I clearly wasn't right. The doc wanted to change my meds, but that is the last thing I want to do - go through another withdrawal. 

 

I am due to have a scan in a couple of weeks, but in all honestly, I can see it being chalked up to plain ol' stress. If the health service wanted to really help, they would look after my wife. How can one man hold down a full-time job, work additionally part-time as a researcher, pay the bills, do all the cooking and cleaning, and look after a mentally ill wife 24/7. It is only a matter of time before it hits you like a ton of bricks. 

 

Whatever is being called a nervous breakdown these days I guess. I will of course let you know if the scan shows anything, but again, in my opinion, the money put into doing this would be far better giving me a few days off looking after the wife so I can relax...

 

Thank you all again SO much for your support - you guys really are wonderful....

 

IUN

[Axlejames]

I'm really sorry for the late reply guys, but your concern speaks volumes and I appreciate your care so much. 

 

But I have been laid up for a few days following 4 seizures one after the other - I was sleeping 14 hours a day and could hardly function.

 

Just reading back my reply to AJ, and it makes no sense whatsoever! That is what it was like. My head was all over the place. I was in bed praying to be mercifully let go.

 

I am a bit better now as you can tell from my writing, but my reply above tells you exactly what was going on. I was trying to keep up to date and reply to AJ, and that was the gibberish that came out. It made perfect sense to me at the time, but I clearly wasn't right. The doc wanted to change my meds, but that is the last thing I want to do - go through another withdrawal. 

 

I am due to have a scan in a couple of weeks, but in all honestly, I can see it being chalked up to plain ol' stress. If the health service wanted to really help, they would look after my wife. How can one man hold down a full-time job, work additionally part-time as a researcher, pay the bills, do all the cooking and cleaning, and look after a mentally ill wife 24/7. It is only a matter of time before it hits you like a ton of bricks. 

 

Whatever is being called a nervous breakdown these days I guess. I will of course let you know if the scan shows anything, but again, in my opinion, the money put into doing this would be far better giving me a few days off looking after the wife so I can relax...

 

Thank you all again SO much for your support - you guys really are wonderful....

 

IUN

Make sure and let us know my friend. Note: Been going thorough some pretty rough depression myself withdrawing off Adderall and Zoloft it finally hit this last few weeks. I am doing OK but I liken it to trying to do life while tredging through deep mud the future muse be brighter as it cant rain all the time. Love you all

[Axlejames]

Update: Its been about 4 months off Zoloft and 2 months off Adderall. Had a thought again about going back on these meds as the depression sets in and the anxiety comes its a feeling like I need them to function. I try to remind myself that this feeling will pass I eventually will feel better but it is so much harder than i could have imagined. I have a appointment coming up with my Dr. and one thing I have committed to is keeping that door open If I decide I do need these meds. I was hoping fish or IUn could shed some light on this for me after 4 months is it normal to still have days where being sad (normal for everyone) turns to deep dark depression ? How long should I wait and decide if this is a relapse to my depression or its just part of the withdrawing process ? Advice would be helpful. I am doing my best to be strong I also has major things going on in my life My Gf wants me to sell my house leave my job and move with her an hour away and start all over again. My kids are here with my ex wife and this is where they have gone to school. On the other front my ex is talking about moving 45 min away to a bigger city and bringing my kids with her we are cordial and doing the best to co parent so that is not so much the issue the issue i am having is I am frozen in fear fear of quitting my job of diving head first into a relationship even if its amazing and I am treated better than I have ever been. I dont know if its the med withdrawl or if its just me but normally i am a person who pop smokes so to speak and dives right into it been doing it since my army days so why am i so froze now? anyways I hope this finds you all well

[fishinghat]

"...after 4 months is it normal to still have days where being sad (normal for everyone) turns to deep dark depression ?"

 

Many drs believe it takes the brain/nervous system up to 2 years to fully recover from this kind of trauma. Having these types of symptoms at this stage is to be expected. As you stated, it will get better. You are strong. Continue to hang in there. 

 

AJ, did you read my post in Medical Support on Malic acid? It is somethings that may help you.

[LeVana]

i´m currently in the process of testing apple cider vinegar

[Axlejames]

"...after 4 months is it normal to still have days where being sad (normal for everyone) turns to deep dark depression ?"

 

Many drs believe it takes the brain/nervous system up to 2 years to fully recover from this kind of trauma. Having these types of symptoms at this stage is to be expected. As you stated, it will get better. You are strong. Continue to hang in there. 

 

AJ, did you read my post in Medical Support on Malic acid? It is somethings that may help you.

I did not can you link post bud ?

[LeVana]

it´s posted here in Medical Support, but nevertheless.... ;-)

 

https://www.cymbalta...out-malic-acid/

[fishinghat]

Thanks LeVana.

[invalidusername]

Well done LeVana - this site is a sea of excellent articles, but trying to find one when we need it is like, if you will excuse me, like trying to find a fart in a Jacuzzi....

 

LOL

[Axlejames]

Thank you and a great read trying to do the 2 tbsp of ACV daily and see what happens for me

[Axlejames]

I know that we have possibly addressed this before but I am curious how often it happens. Coming off any ant depressant how normal is it to develop health / death anxiety ? Had some blood work again and while I lowered my triglycerides and  raised my hdl to better levels my ldl was elevated a bit too. Dr. and Nurse have chalked it up to my higher intake of good fats but it triggered my anxiety and kept me awake all night even missed a day of work. The dr. said I was basically healthy and fine for a 41 year old male. any idea is there a correlation here will it subside as i get farther along in my withdrawal ? thanks for any and all advice