2784 replies to this topic

[Axlejames]

I have discovered something today. Most of the time I feel not so great mentally while I am at work. It hit me today that I am mixing up mental health "problems" with work stress I know that they can influence each other but I believe that the strain I am feeling is both withdrawal and trying to manage the day to day stress at work. I am currently trying to get into a new field. The Veterans hospital is offering peer support positions so I am looking into doing that I think it would benefit me mentally to give back and I know that with the amount of things ive been through and over came I could lend some help to ohters. 

[fishinghat]

AJ, you can be such a positive support for so many. I am proud of you. The key to mental health is understanding it. Keep up the good fight!!

[invalidusername]

That would be amazing! From what I know of you, something like that would be a game changer. 

 

Keep us updated on this one. As Hat said, there are so many out there which would benefit from your experience, but never forget to keep yourself front and center. You need to always keep supporting yourself.

[Axlejames]

Got back from a week long vacation on Sunday. One thing i am noticing is the flat feeling my whole trip i didnt feel anything. I dont feel anything now either its frustrating. I know its a side effect of coming off meds. I am about 5 weeks off 

[fishinghat]

I would consider that good news. It sure is a lot better than it could have been.  I bet when you settle back into a routine you will feel a lot better.

[Axlejames]

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas God bless you all 

[fishinghat]

God bless you AJ. May his Christmas present to you be peace and comfort.

[invalidusername]

Merry Christmas AJ....

 

You are doing really well, especially with this trip. Just remember to give yourself the credit you deserve. 

 

Also wishing you a very Merry Christmas. I hope you are enjoying some lovely time with your family.

 

God Bless

[Axlejames]

Today is 6 weeks off. I realize that i may not start getting an actual upswing until i hit that 3 month mark, however i have had some moments of peace and happiness 

[invalidusername]

Hopefully this will start from the point in the video I want you to watch (if not, jump to 11min 56 secs). AJ... you MUST watch just a few minutes from this point in the video.

 

Feel free to talk about it, ask questions... But Deepak Chopra is probably the best person alive on the planet today to answer your one question that continues to come back to you....

 

https://youtu.be/Fm29bAYaJoQ?t=716

[fishinghat]

Those brief periods of peace are a very good sign for the future.

[Axlejames]

Hopefully this will start from the point in the video I want you to watch (if not, jump to 11min 56 secs). AJ... you MUST watch just a few minutes from this point in the video.

 

Feel free to talk about it, ask questions... But Deepak Chopra is probably the best person alive on the planet today to answer your one question that continues to come back to you....

 

https://youtu.be/Fm29bAYaJoQ?t=716

Super interesting i will come back to this time and again it was so profound and not something we think about but if we are observing our thoughts and can change our thoughts then we must not be our thoughts we must not be our body etc.. i love this thank you. it also makes me think then what/who am i then 

[invalidusername]

Super interesting i will come back to this time and again it was so profound and not something we think about but if we are observing our thoughts and can change our thoughts then we must not be our thoughts we must not be our body etc.. i love this thank you. it also makes me think then what/who am i then 

 

I am so glad you watched it. It is the closest thing we have to science to explain the whole "life after death" thing. Putting my belief of an afterlife to one side, this is a very compelling argument and if you ever look at the chopra library he mentions towards the end, you can get all the proof you need!

[Axlejames]

I am so glad you watched it. It is the closest thing we have to science to explain the whole "life after death" thing. Putting my belief of an afterlife to one side, this is a very compelling argument and if you ever look at the chopra library he mentions towards the end, you can get all the proof you need!

Ill check this out 

[Axlejames]

It is over: My wife asked for a divorce (again) this time there is no going back. No working it out not anything. I have told her as well I will not do the Yo yo with her if this is what she wants then so be it. it hurts I have to tell my 3 children tonight what is about to happen. I am lost and broken. I have done everything to make it work Ive worked hard for my marriage and its not enough. I am not sure how to cope with these emotion and i am looking for some help. thanks

[fishinghat]

Coping with these emotions are a lot like coping with Cymbalta withdrawal. Time and patience. It will hurt but it will pass. As long as you have tried everything you can then there is not anything more to do. 

 

Have you two tried a marriage counselor?

 

Be kind to yourself and give her some space to get her thoughts together.

[Axlejames]

Coping with these emotions are a lot like coping with Cymbalta withdrawal. Time and patience. It will hurt but it will pass. As long as you have tried everything you can then there is not anything more to do. 

 

Have you two tried a marriage counselor?

 

Be kind to yourself and give her some space to get her thoughts together.

We have tried counseling in the past she says it doesnt work mostly because she does not like what they have to say. I am trying to let it go let God decide what will happen 

[invalidusername]

Right.... I need to weigh in here. You mean too much to me.

 

First off. SHE called the divorce. SHE tells the children. For God's sake mate, this is not your doing. Get some pride and put that in her court.

 

Secondly, when my first serious relationship broke up and I went to a counsellor with my partner, the so-called "counsellor" was the biggest feminist going. My partner wanted a family before I was ready. But the counsellor was siding with my partner - because she was a girl. Why wouldn't she.

 

This is all subjective. Every counsellor is human and subject to their own opinions. I still blame that counsellor for our break up today.

 

I am SO SO sorry that you are going through this - but take if from someone that has been there. Even if the worst happens, you WILL get through it. So difficult to see now, and if your iwfe is putting this on your mental health, I would go batshit crazy on her. Unless there is some other valid reason that she can cite as to why it is not working, then I am so sorry for you. 

 

You need someone that will cover you and accept that you are the guy that you are. Regardless of you own issues, you provide for your family, and are always there. 

 

Listen...

 

You are in a honey trap with your other half as that is what you have been used to for such a long time, but you DESERVE someone who can see the AJ that is the loyal, loving, hard-working and generous person that you are. 

 

You gave it a second chance and she has pulled the plug... bollocks to it. As difficult as it is - walk away. Let her be. Don't crawl to her, don't pamper to her every need, don't text her 50 times a day. PLEASE... just let her be. PLEASE do this. If there is anything there, she will come back. If not, it is time to walk away.

 

I won't lie, it is like being kicked in the crown jewels, but give time, it goes away. 

 

But ask yourself - are you with her because it is too much stress to find another partner, or that you are scared to break up? This is the 21st century - you are a catch mate. You are a veteran and have shown yourself yo be a loyal, generous person - something that a lot of women seek in a man. This is by far from the end.

 

I know what you are going through. I cannot go into personal detail here, but PM if you want to talk.

 

SELF-COMPASSION BROTHER. 

 

You deserve what is right for you. Is your partner right to pull the strings in this situation? NO! Damn straight she is not. I am not far from where you are at the moment if I am honest, so let's stick together, ok?

 

Talk to me brother....

 

Much love

[Axlejames]

Right.... I need to weigh in here. You mean too much to me.

 

First off. SHE called the divorce. SHE tells the children. For God's sake mate, this is not your doing. Get some pride and put that in her court.

 

Secondly, when my first serious relationship broke up and I went to a counsellor with my partner, the so-called "counsellor" was the biggest feminist going. My partner wanted a family before I was ready. But the counsellor was siding with my partner - because she was a girl. Why wouldn't she.

 

This is all subjective. Every counsellor is human and subject to their own opinions. I still blame that counsellor for our break up today.

 

I am SO SO sorry that you are going through this - but take if from someone that has been there. Even if the worst happens, you WILL get through it. So difficult to see now, and if your iwfe is putting this on your mental health, I would go batshit crazy on her. Unless there is some other valid reason that she can cite as to why it is not working, then I am so sorry for you. 

 

You need someone that will cover you and accept that you are the guy that you are. Regardless of you own issues, you provide for your family, and are always there. 

 

Listen...

 

You are in a honey trap with your other half as that is what you have been used to for such a long time, but you DESERVE someone who can see the AJ that is the loyal, loving, hard-working and generous person that you are. 

 

You gave it a second chance and she has pulled the plug... bollocks to it. As difficult as it is - walk away. Let her be. Don't crawl to her, don't pamper to her every need, don't text her 50 times a day. PLEASE... just let her be. PLEASE do this. If there is anything there, she will come back. If not, it is time to walk away.

 

I won't lie, it is like being kicked in the crown jewels, but give time, it goes away. 

 

But ask yourself - are you with her because it is too much stress to find another partner, or that you are scared to break up? This is the 21st century - you are a catch mate. You are a veteran and have shown yourself yo be a loyal, generous person - something that a lot of women seek in a man. This is by far from the end.

 

I know what you are going through. I cannot go into personal detail here, but PM if you want to talk.

 

SELF-COMPASSION BROTHER. 

 

You deserve what is right for you. Is your partner right to pull the strings in this situation? NO! Damn straight she is not. I am not far from where you are at the moment if I am honest, so let's stick together, ok?

 

Talk to me brother....

 

Much love

Thanks man and that is basically what I did. I told her straight up that its fine to just go. I told her the kids will stay with me and I am keeping my house she agreed to all of it. I am not fighting this fight i am letting God go before me and what he wants will happen. I will not stand in his way. That being said I asked her before she went and just divorced me to get some counceling first and if she still feels the way she does then go for it. She says she will think on it for now I am working on myself tho. Love you man I am here for you too

[Axlejames]

I have entered a period of deep dark scary depression. I know that only action can get me out I cant think my way out no matter how much I try. I ask for prayers this is difficult without the crutch safety net of having medication 

[fishinghat]

That is to be expected considering your current marital status. Be patient, treat yourself well and with time it will pass.

[Axlejames]

Update: Things I have learned over the last few weeks 1 I believe because my wife is working 90 hours a week again she has not time for our relationship causing her to feel guilty. Triggering her pain from the past as a way to not feel guilty its easier to blame me for our disconnection than for her lack of being able to be there for our relationship. I have also learned that being off for 2 months of Zoloft is not enough time to say that I am done with withdrawal I am still going through withdrwal and because of that everything feels 100 times worse. Alcohol is not an option it makes me more depressed. I am having a lot of emotional dis regulation and trying to just ride it out. Suicidal thoughts are come on strong  and need to be stamped down quite a bit but I am still here and trying my best. God bless

[fishinghat]

Tough times. Working those 90 hour work weeks is devastating to a person's mental and physical health. I did that for over 20 years in a high stress job and it led to a nervous breakdown that is the root of all my anxiety problems.

 

You are right, 2 months is not even enough. Patience my friend. The suicidal thoughts are a concern to me. Are you going to be alright?

[Axlejames]

Tough times. Working those 90 hour work weeks is devastating to a person's mental and physical health. I did that for over 20 years in a high stress job and it led to a nervous breakdown that is the root of all my anxiety problems.

 

You are right, 2 months is not even enough. Patience my friend. The suicidal thoughts are a concern to me. Are you going to be alright?

I am ok the thoughts come a lot , however I am able to catch myself and realize its more of the situation i am in that I want out of not my life. Things are getting better the waves of good and bad days are getting further apart which is good. I am standing up for myself with the wife and that has helped to. 

[Axlejames]

We filed yesterday onto the next chapter i guess

[fishinghat]

Sorry to hear about that AJ. Just take it one day at a time. I wish there was more I could say or do. I am here if there is anything I can do for you.

[Axlejames]

Sorry to hear about that AJ. Just take it one day at a time. I wish there was more I could say or do. I am here if there is anything I can do for you.

Thanks just having a place to come to and talk is enough My whole world is upside down and not sure where to really go from here. 

[fishinghat]

You don't need to make any complicated decisions right now. Give yourself a few days to get yourself clearer headed. 

[Axlejames]

This may seem obvious to some but not to me can the fact i am getting divorced make my mental issues worse like anxiety depression ptsd its like i feel anxious and not sure why etc.. 

[fishinghat]

Absolutely!! Divorce is considered one of the most stressful things to go through in life.