2784 replies to this topic

[invalidusername]

Maybe this is what you need... to see yourself in this co-worker you speak of. It might help clarify things for the both of you??

[Axlejames]

Maybe I dont know I told him about my dwelling and he said I need to stop because I'll just waste my life thinking about something no one has a real answer too not sure how i felt about that

[PrincessNutella]

I've gone through this thread and;
1- You overthink a lot. It contributes so much to anxiety.
2- You have a fear of the unknown. This does as well. These go hand in hand also.
Correct me if I'm wrong (everyone), and if you want more input, I can provide.

[invalidusername]

You have to admit it AJ... the girl's got a handle on you here

[Axlejames]

I would love more input like how do I stop what the heck can I do will this stop will it go away will we ever know for sure that we have a soul

[invalidusername]

Dude - you're doing it again

 

We'll know we have a soul when we pass over to the Other Side and not a moment sooner... unless you choose to believe.

[PrincessNutella]

I will provide a short-term solution. Let's take me as an example.

Before and a short while I was on C, I struggled with self-confidence and decision making as I was new to the graduate program thing. Everything was a hassle. I mean everything. What to eat for breakfast. My project partner did not show up on time (didn't affect me). My thesis advisor was having me run personal errands. Thinking excessively about everything tires you out. I was overwhelmed and anxiety followed every step I took. That's no way to live. It is great mental work to get yourself out of your thoughts and start objectively thinking.

Let's say you found all the answers to your current questions. Believe me more questions follow. And if you have no control over the matters, adds to your anxiety baggage.

Start small, and start by thinking in steps about the things you got control over. You said your faith was shaken. A new community -or the process of research for it- can make you very content. One down, right?

Same can be said for the withdrawal. I live by the day and adapt as I go. Take it slow. As everyone said, these are withdrawal symptoms. Call it like it is and move along. Vent if it makes you comfortable.

I have to mention this: I had suicidal thinking tendencies. One day I told myself "well, let's say I died. And? I don't know what's going to happen in afterlife, or if there is one. And I just want out of the current situation. So that must mean I have to make my conditions accommodate me as much as possible and learn to adapt."

Tough work, but we're here ya know. Here is my two cents. I hope it makes sense.

[invalidusername]

"Let's say you found all the answers to your current questions. Believe me more questions follow."

 

Some excellent advice Oz... and the above really stands out by itself.

 

...I said you would be useful here

[Axlejames]

So there in lies my dilemma oz I'll find an answer that helps me content and then I'll be fine for awhile then the thoughts creep in and back to square one one thing I realized tonight is I keep coming back to science for an answer to a spiritual question which science cant or wont answer and the stuff they try to disprove about God and the afterlife is just a belief on there part which means it's almost like their religion so it comes back to what I believe and with the withdrawl it's hard for me to know what I believe since my world has been rocked this is one of the lowest times of my life on a negative turn for me things had settled with the wife tonight she decides to remind she's still moving out and we are still separated I dont understand it's like she sees I'm starting to do better so she cuts me back down

[Axlejames]

Definitely tired once again this never ending cycle is driving me crazy my emotions get so raw like oz says all of this over thinking is tiring

[Axlejames]

I'm suffering with anxiety go figure see if this makes sense I'm sure it does all of this anxiety is to the extreme because it's only been a little over 2 months off celexa and 30mg isnt enough I'm basically doing it on my own once again since we have discussed this before

[PrincessNutella]

I'm sorry AJ. The things you live through :/ like I said, you spiral too much sometimes. You don't have to choose one or the other. Do what you want. Don't confine yourself.
I will sound cruel but, your wife needs to be a bit understanding. The way things are going now are going to benefit you if she sets you back. Because that situation sounds like a trigger to me.

IUN, thanks, I tried

[Axlejames]

Thank you as I've said before when I start to spiral I forget that this is withdrawl this is anxiety I'm thankful you all are here to remind me and help me

[Axlejames]

Are you all saying all of this overthinking is just anxiety rearing its ugly head if so then what is it just wait and see

[fishinghat]

Mostly anxiety from the withdrawal.

[Axlejames]

Today I feel like I. Just going through the motions

[PrincessNutella]

If it's going to comfort you, I have been going through the motions for 6 months. It's depression. However, still a withdrawal symptom. Don't be hard on yourself.

[Axlejames]

6 months I dont think I can live like this for 6 months then again who knows there were days where I felt great now it seems like I'm just down all the time again I know its withdrawls but why does this happen

[gail]

CHEMICAL IMBALANCE, remember that AJ.

[PrincessNutella]

Ah, sorry. I forgot.

- Started C 30 mg in March 2017, has been very well till June-July 2018 when a depression episode hit
- Real life stress increased and had a week of attacks in the beginning of Nov
- Came back to parents' hometown where I was prescribed with C 60 mg and Xanax 0,25 mg x 3 (did nothing)
- C caused a mild serotonin syndrome so dropped cold turkey per psychiatrist's request. Prescribed Z 25 mg for 8 days, 50 mg in full after.

I was in depression well before the withdrawal. It's only temporary. Please keep that in mind.

[Axlejames]

Well it really stinks I'm gonna vent here because at least you all can relate and may offer support here is why for me I still have to get up at 630 every morning being anxious and not sleeping good I have to get my kids up for school and then go to work for 9 hours and then come home and do it all over again all of this pretending to be happy at work pretending I'm ok to everyone hugging my kids and telling them I love them even tho on the inside right now I dont have any emotions I'm numb and exhausted I have to do life while going through this and I just dont know how to cope

[juli]

I can relate to your pain Axle.  My reinstatement back to Cymbalta didn't work, so I was in withdrawl for 8 weeks.  I didn't want my family to suffer because of my mistake to go cold turkey.  I had to pretend every single second that I was with another human.  It's so so so hard I know.  I only got through because of friends I made online.  My hubby got bored of my tales very quickly. We are here for you to vent, complain etc.  I promise you will get better and someday this will all be a distant memory.

Hang in there!

[Axlejames]

Thank you juli it's been 8 weeks for me feels like I won't ever get better if I want for all of you on here I would have no one the worst part is after I do get some what stable I still have to get off the cymbalta

[invalidusername]

Those some nice words Juli... and I hope I am getting closer to this being a memory....

 

Axle - sorry for silence this evening. Been a really troubling day this end. On the plus side, yesterday turned out quite well. Odd how it can turn on a dime when you wake up the next morning...

 

I've been going 12 weeks now, so you can keep at this man. The wife trashed a pharmacy shelf and had a crying fit while I was outside dry heaving. If I can get passed this, then there is hope for us all.

[Axlejames]

I'm sorry iun I truly hope you get better to be honest I hope you get better before I do you got a better handle on this I realized something else depression makes me feel like I have no purpose well my purpose has always been rooted/founded in God and what I felt him calling me to do well depression equals no purpose in turn tricks my brain into questioning my faith does this make sense to anyone

[invalidusername]

Thanks dude. I have written today off as just one of those exceptionally bad ones. Hopefully not to be repeated.

 

What you have said is spot on. Your brain IS being tricked into something. Just like you said about looking for stuff around the room that is red. We question stuff so much that we get fixated on it. We can't let it go. I am here at 2.30am absolutely buzzing from looking for ways to get my meds sorted out. Fortunately I have found a way, but now I just can't wind down, but I have to try.

 

On that note, I am going for a few drops of CBD and my book for a bit of escapism. Take care til we speak tomorrow brother.

[Axlejames]

Good night brother rest well I hope your day is better tomorrow

[Axlejames]

Finally can get back in so let's get you all up to speed wife got divorce papers I told her I didn't want to sign them since I dont want the divorce she told me if I didn't it will get ugly and she will get full custody of the kids so got that going on still full of obsessive thinking just obsessing over consciousness and I don't know why if any of you have theories please weigh in here still having us and downs I find I dont bother to be mindful at all is a lack of mindfulness a side effect from withdrawl I still cant seem to get a good grip on reality my lows are really low I'm still taking 30mg of duloxetine and 200mg of lamotragine 10mg of adderall does adderall cause any major issues down the road i also take the fish oil and ashwaghanda anyways it's been a nightmare not being able to turn to you all for support

[invalidusername]

Axle,

 

I am so glad we are back - Kathy and I managed to get in touch and we were trying to get in touch with admin, but no response. We eventually got in touch with the company that hosts the site - they got in touch with Ken (admin) and authorised access to fix the forum. I was getting so worried about everyone.

 

I tell you, Kathy has been a absolute star. As has Gail when we found her. 

 

I have just had another seizure so cannot concentrate much, but I will come back as I am sorry to read your post. I want to help, but really not with it...

[KathyInFL]

Axle, we searched for you but couldn't find you except for your posts here. I found IUN by creating an account on Drugs dot com and messaging him there. He and I searched for Gail and found her, after I had searched through about 10,000 red rock pictures on Facebook. 

 

We could not find Fishing Hat anywhere! I still giggle at the accounts that IUN thought might be him. LOL