2348 replies to this topic

[LDN]

Hi fishinhat. Sorry to bother you firstly. I am having real trouble here with my withdrawal from Chlorpromazine. I took 12 weeks from 25mg to 0 and that went pretty well. But I have been on 0 for now almost 5 weeks and generally it has been very tough. I had a good 7/8 days of the best I have felt since being on 0 up until Thursday night, but since I have been swinging between intense anxiety and depression. I am particularly struggling with sympathetic nervous overload. My brain seems to think I am in some perilously dangerous situation and so it flooding my system with intense shock all day. To live in this state is very tough. I can sort of see what is going on but I am not sure what I can do to calm or reduce this fight or flight activation that is completely draining me. I am taking Clonazepam 1.5mg a day but since my condition is throughout the day they aren't much use. 

 

I faced a similar situation to this between last Tuesday and Wednesday but then went on to have a really good 7 to 8 days. So it is very changeable. These drastic swings are not something I am really used to. Usually for me things are more gradual. 

 

Thank you very much. I send you all my best. 

 

Love and God Bless!

[fishinghat]

Hi LDN
 
A couple thoughts here. I assume you have 1 mg Clonazepam tablets, if so, you might try 0.5 mg three times a day to minimize any swings you might have. Also, Chlorpromazine is a dopamine antagonist and an antiserontonin/histamine compound so during withdrawal your serotonin and histamine will elevate and dopamine receptors will become more active. An antihistamine like Benadryl (diphenhydramine) might help and of course start with a low dose first to see how you react. Another thing you might try is NAC, N-acetylcysteine, a natural strong antioxidant. It is converted to glutamate and that is a neurotransmitter stabilizer. Normal doses are 600 mg twice a day but obviously start lower.

If I think of anything else I will let you know. Keep me posted.

[fishinghat]

Two research articles mention that withdrawal symptoms usually last around 3 weeks so try and hang in there. Also as Chlorpromazine effects the serotonin system it may be causing a worse withdrawal as that system may still be sensitive from your Cymbalta withdrawal.

[gail]

Dear Scrat, great advice for our Prince. Just don't push yourself, there is always a payback for pushing too hard, you are familiar with this. It is so hard to discipline ourselves, I know that. I've been there in the past. Much lovage.

Sweet London, oh la la, you are going through the wringer at the moment. Pleased to see that you wrote to Fishinghat. He will surely reassure you. My heart hurts to see you in that phase, good thing that nothing lasts.

I know that I've asked you before, could all that tourment have to do with Lyme's plus the withdrawal? I'm praying for you my love.

As for myself, again a crying day, went for a small errand with Denis. Then, for the first time this year, we went to the park with coffee and delicious cookies. That park is about an eight minute walk from here. It was nice.

I came back, crying started but I returned to the park by foot just the same. I like to go there and talk to God. But I was sobbing too much. Spent 15 minutes and had to come back.

That crying is getting to me. I don't know why, I wrote a lot about it this morning, I guess it's a mix of the illness and depression. Sadness? Probably!

I will return to the park today just the same. So sick of being housebound.

On that, I love you both, see you tomorrow. Will check in during the day for Fishinghat s answer.

London, don't you think that this med was good for you to control psychotic effects? From what I read, it may be a drug you need to keep your mind from being sick? Read about it please!

[gail]

Fishinghat, since London , in the past, suffered from psychotic depression, wouldn't it be better to reinstate to help?

And London is taking .5 Clonazepam three times a day, and it's not working, could he not upper the Clonazepam?

I sure want to help London. And I read that this med is given for psychotic depression. Thanks!

[fishinghat]

LDN was concerned that the Chlorpromazine was causing him to be lethargic/tired so he wanted to come off. Once he has the Chlorpromazine out of his system and the withdrawal period fairly well past he cam determine if his situation has improved or not and if he feels that a return to a smaller dose is warranted then sure. It is really his call. he is so intune with his body that I feel comfortable leaving this up to him.

I am not aware of using Clonazepam for psychotic depression. There is some limited dat on using it for bipolar depression though. I checked the medical journals as well and found nothing. I hate to see him going higher on the Clonazepam as it is usually considered as having the worst withdrawal of all the benzos. What ever he decides though I will be here for him.

[fishinghat]

LDN
 
If the Chlorpromazine withdrawal were still bothering you after 5 weeks (shouldn't be but...) you would have increased anxiety and at least some stomach issues. The medical research indicates that during Chlorpromazine withdrawal that glutamate is often reduced so that may be the cause for your emotional swings. The NAC may be your best bet. Just a guess. This seems unlikely to be the Chlorpromazine but with your Lyme disease it complicates the normal physiological effects.

[invalidusername]

You are absolutely right Gailage. My dreams got really bad last night and this is how I ended up getting worse quickly last time. They are a warning that I am in too much stress. Today I have done less and not been out. I was meant to fix the car, but decided this can wait. 

 

Great to hear that you have been to the park!! I remember you talking about this weeks ago and how happy you would be once you could get back there. Of course there had to be cookies! How wonderful!! Truly amazing that you keep going to the park regardless of your emotions. That shows some real strength. You are a true inspiration just like our LDN!

 

Much lovage!

[invalidusername]

Hey brother...

 

I got your reply to the PM and didn't reply as I didn't want to bring back feelings from yesterday. I was worried that it might be a bit heavy for you what with everything else going on.

 

I'm going to make this fairly short as you have got a lot to go through and I don't want it to be overwhelming for you. I think Hat is right in saying that you are so in tune with your body that you will be able to bring some of the answers forth yourself. But whether you need to reinstate at a lower dose is a decision only you can decide I feel. There are lots of factors to weigh up and I wouldn't want to muddy the waters any more.

 

Absolutely no problem with saying what you did. It needs to be done, and for sure, it is worrying for me to read what you went through, but it got me to a place where I knew what to pray for. I really can understand this rollercoaster that you are on at the moment, but so strange that it has been like this after the time gone by. It really sounds like one of those moments where you just immerse yourself in a place where you just want to go to the Summerland and you would do anything to be there. Amazing that you can keep yourself going with your walk, sauna and so on. Days like this would see me flat out in bed for the duration.

 

Anyway, I will leave it there. I really need to get more meditation in. Had some very disturbing dreams last night and although I didn't work as hard today, I had a really nasty situation with a customer that has caused a lot of anxiety, so my shot at a day off to relax has just been blown away. This is the one thing that can push someone over the top when they are this fragile - hence the need for more meditation... and reading. I need to transcend this horrible place for a while.

 

Will continue to think and pray for you dear brother

 

Love you!

 

God Bless

[LDN]

Hi Fishinghat! Thanks so much for all that info and helpful advice, I appreciate that hugely! Today was a better day thankfully, though still felt anxiety throughout the day but on a level that was much more manageable. 

 

I am actually already taking NAC twice a day at 600mg. My lyme doc got me on it a while back due to the coronavirus. 

 

I am very sensitive to any sort of medication changes, so I accept my withdrawal will be worse than usual. Also the lyme factor and the problems with my gut will play a part I am sure. The lyme devastated my gut and my doctor told me he had never seen such a bad gut in a living person!! That was in late 2016, but there is still a long way to go in my recovery. 

 

Tomorrow will be 5 weeks on 0. I had my best 7 days since being on 0 before this Thursday, so that is a positive. 

 

I have also been having constipation, so I am eating a lot of prunes, and that has helped a lot. 

 

I will keep updated. 

 

Thanks again so much! Love and God Bless!

[LDN]

Coucou Gail! Thanks for all your wonderful words! 

 

I did have psychotic depression in the past but my p doc doesn't think I have it now and she doesn't think I need Chlorpromazine. I only started taking for anxiety during my last withdrawal in 2018. 

 

I think you are right my love, that this is a combination of the lyme and the withdrawal. I think my lyme is basically making the withdrawal much worse. So a sort of double whammy!! So it is a tough situation. But the positive is things change very quickly. I had my best days since being on 0 the 7 days before this Thursday. So that encourages me. 

 

I have my therapist tomorrow as well, and I have emailed her the details of the last few days tonight! 

 

Oh wow you went to the park!!! YEAH!!!! Now that really is wonderful news!!! Oh I am so happy!!! 

 

And you went twice? Once with Denis and once on your own!!! Amazing my love!! Now that is what I call bravery my love!! BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO!! 

 

Oh that has made my day, it really has!! You have put a real smile on my face!! 

 

I think I know the park you mean!! So happy about this, and in awe of you my love!! Keep me update please!! 

 

Also coffee and delicious cookies - WOW!!! YUMMY!! 

 

I was praying for you a lot last night! I was lying in bed and I felt good and I get just kept on praying and it was making me feel really relaxed! It was like your spirit was there with me, helping me and holding my hand! I sure felt God last night!! Thank you God! 

 

My love you have you are having to face a double attack with your illness and then your depression and anxiety, and that double attack takes so much out of us emotionally. I really can relate to you myself right now. I was crying in the shower yesterday and then over my lunch I was crying again. My body was dealing with too much. It shows your bravery my love. 

 

And thank you so much for your prayers - that really means the world to me! Bless you for that! 

 

You are giving me so much hope in this my superstar and I really feel we are in this together!!! Remember that WE ARE TOGETHER AND TOGETHER WE WILL MAKE IT!!! 

 

Love you my Princess!!! 

 

God Bless!! I will pray for HOPE and bubbles and JOY and PEACE!!! 

 

JOY IS COMING!!!!

[LDN]

Hi fishinhat, just one more thing. I went through an episode of extreme sympathetic nervous system overload in December 2019 and into January of this year, so I do have recent experience of this. At the time I wasn't directly in withdrawal from anything, so what is going on now has been in the background recently anyway. It was one of the reasons I decided to come off this drug, along with the lethargy and tiredness. At the time you posted some very helpful and interesting information regarding Chlorpromazine. 

 

Thanks so much again!

[LDN]

Hey brother! Great to be back again! Just like yesterday I was so looking forward to getting back on here and being with my 2nd family!! I just love you guys!! I feel so at home here! 

 

Last night after I posted despite being pretty scared I actually was ok and managed to get through the evening. I felt much better in bed and slept much better. I still woke to anxiety, but less than the previous two days. I then went to the field and got in 1 hour 20 minutes again. Watched the sheep up close for a bit, which is so calming. Just felt such an urge to cuddle the lambs!! I think being a shepherd would be great. Just being in nature and wandering around with your sheep. What a relaxing life. I love to pretend to be one for those few minutes every day. Then just went to my usual spot and was just mindful. 

 

Thankfully the sauna and shower was much easier today and enjoyed lunch chatting with my brother. We played a game where we had to each name a US state and would keep going until the other couldn't name one! I won, which showed I am still not totally gone LOL! We got all but 3 - Delaware, Montana and Nebraska. Then I had my siesta in a calm state. I did wake from it to anxiety but again, not as heavy as from last nights siesta. Now I am feeling ok, but just on edge you know? I have no idea what comes next and that is pretty scary. But being present is one thing I have worked on a lot over the last few years. I was talking to God earlier and really telling him I let go and that brought a great sense of relief to me. I am in post traumatic state though and that is something I will discuss with my therapist tomorrow. 

 

Also helped my brother with his 1st line of his personal statement for his MA application, so my brain is still working just about LOL! 

 

I sent a long email to my therapist tonight, so I am feeling pretty knackered. 

 

Really sorry to hear about your dream and then the situation with the client. I have been praying for you brother and as I mentioned to gail, last night as I lay in bed I was just going over my prayers and it put me in a lovely place. 

 

I really hope your reading and meditation went well. I will keep on praying! And thank you so much for your prayers brother, that means so much!! 

 

I know you have been through similar to this and thinking of your bravery is helping me a lot, it really is. I think of your courage a lot and it is so inspiring to me. 

 

Love you brother and God Bless!

[gail]

Fishinghat, I was talking about chlorpromazine for psychotic depression!
You are right, London is so in tune with his body, what an angel!

[gail]

Out of likes here. Muddy brain also. But I need to say how much we care for you two angels. Thanks London for your lovely words. You are right saying it's a double whammy for both of us.

And the last experience with the bubbles really shook me badly. It's like PTSD, plus the mental state. I really thought that I would lose my mind with those bubbles. God, i was so scared.

Wish you both a relaxing day, kiss the lambs for me. Hasta mañana Nino's!

[invalidusername]

Thanks Gailage!! 

 

You sure will have some form of PTSD after all the bubbles stuff. The problem that these things keep coming, so where does the PTSD end and another issue begin!!

 

Unfortunately it was not a relaxing day - lots of bother today, but I rode the storm and I hope for more relaxation tomorrow...

 

Much lovage and prayers

[invalidusername]

Hey brother...

 

I need to switch over to a PM this evening - all will be explained there.

 

Apologies to our subscribers, but will be back in normal form tomorrow

 

Love and Blessings to all!

[LDN]

Hey man so I have replied to your PM. My day today was ok ish. Last night was my best sleep since Wednesday night and I woke to probably less anxiety than the day before. So that was encouraging. Then I had therapy which was obviously slightly traumatic going over the events and re living it. I have to say I do prefer the sessions in person, as you just have more of an emotional feel and more banter, but I don't think I will be back in London for a good while so I have to get used to this. It does done me well so far done here, and is certainly better than nothing. We basically went over the situation. Nothing particularly new came up.

 

I then went to the field and the sheep and lambs were very close to me when I entered. I got to see a lamb getting her milk, basically right in front of me, which was fascinating. I have observed a lot of habits over my time with them. I just stand still like a statue and just let them go about their lives. Quite hypnotic. Just feel a great connection with nature. As I haven't got a pet right now, I really cherish that animal time. Though of course I do miss the cuddles. One of the sheep walked right up to me. And sort of stood and just stared at me for about a minute and then walked on. I could have easily touched it, but thought best to let it be. It's face was basically touching my leg. Great when they get so close. Then went up to my spot, but didn't stay too long since I was in the glare of the sun and my therapist said to be careful to not overheat with my situation. Then my siesta was better than the last few days. Still woke anxious but not as bad. 

 

Now I sort of feel a weird anticlimax. Feel flat and knackered but also a little wired. Strange feeling. I don't really feel the concentration to read but then feel to fragile to do anything more sensory stimulating. My therapist did say that apart from when I feel totally overloaded with SNS activity I should just be spontaneous and stick to my philosophy of just not holding back. I am concerned I don't start retreating into insularity and isolation, but of course I wan't to not push myself equally. So a very tough balance. But ultimately faking it till I make it has worked really well so far and also over Christmas just thinking 'what the hell' was a great strategy. I feel so bored tonight, which is much better of course than what I have been feeling, but I don't want stop my process. 

 

Ok man! Speak tomorrow! 

 

So much love brother and God Bless!

[LDN]

Coucou Gail!! 

 

Same here my love - dry brain!! 

 

Absolutely my love that bubbles episode was a hugely stressful and intense affair. You had to push yourself so much and I couldn't believe how well you coped. I mean seriously I was amazed at how you managed that situation. Just reading about all those hospital trips, the cancellations, having to in every day for a few day. I must have so exhausting and overwhelming. You were superb, truly superb!! I was just simply in awe of you!! As usual my love, you just blow me away with your spirit and courage!! YOU ARE SOMETHING SO SO SPECIAL!!! DON'T FORGET THIS!!! 

 

So so proud of you my love! Hero and angel! 

 

The lambs were beautiful today in the sun! I will send them your love!!! I like being a shepherd to be honest!! LOL!! 

 

I will keep praying for you my love!!! 

 

Love you so my brave Princess!! 

 

God Bless!

[gail]

Coucou my special London friend,

How well you express yourself! And keeping nothing in makes you a true person. No bullshit from London, that's for sure. I speak to God about you and tell him how much he must love you.

What is there not no love? Basically nothing. I love you so much for the special person you are.

I would imagine you as a shepperd, respectful and loving like Jesus.

As for your angel, I had a very good day yesterday. I went down for the garbage then suddenly felt s tired. Really tired. so I made brownies And curled on the sofa to watch a good loving movie. This relaxes me so much.

Brownies for supper, in bed from 8pm till 10am. Goes to show you how tired I was.

Going to the park with Denis later and a bit of groceries afterwards.

THE CRYING has diminished 80%. A relief. Have a good lamb day, I love you so much, your princess from Canada.

[invalidusername]

"I made brownies and curled on the sofa to watch a good loving movie. This relaxes me so much."

 

That painted a lovely picture in my head of you sweet Gailage... Made me really happy that you could do this and find some comfort. 

 

Much lovage

[invalidusername]

Hey brother...

 

Many thanks for the PM last night - was good to have another perspective on everything. Still not a great day today as my laptop is on its way out which is a big problem for me as it is my whole life!! I use it so much every day. Essentially, the part of the casing which supports the brackets for the screen part has become brittle and slowly fallen apart until the left hand side of the screen hinge is not supported at all, and when you move the screen ever so slightly, it shorts out the signal to the screen itself and I have to re-position it to get it back. Therefore, I have to keep it really still for it not to short out.

 

Because it is a few years old, the parts are almost non-existent, so not sure what I can do short of buying a new laptop. But this would be a huge loss as the rest of the laptop is in very good condition. I have made a few enquiries this evening to potential suppliers.

 

Anyway... I can't believe how much you have been writing! Yesterday you wrote to Hat several times, Gailage, AJ, then to me - both on the forum and PM! How on earth did you manage all that?! That is incredible stuff man. 

 

I am with you on the therapy situation - it is for sure much better in person. I really miss mine. I think we associate the therapy room itself with healing, so when we are at home, it kind of nullifies it somewhat - do you think? I have mine tomorrow, so I will let you know how it goes, but I feel I will be just moaning to her about all the crap that has happened for the last couple of days! I'm also not comfortable about the fact that Mrs Scrat can hear us. Only a small flat and even when there is a door shut and I am the other side of the flat in the kitchen, it is still possible to hear. Not like I can go in the car or something (!) as the internet signal wouldn't get that far!

 

Love the lamb story - again I can paint quite a picture. I have no idea how you do not reach out and stroke the lambs, but I can also picture them jolting as soon as you gesture your hand towards them and that would ruin the courage they have got in approaching you thus far.

 

So regarding the mood, you seem to have got better over the last 24 hours. I am hoping that this has stayed the same today - or improved. Again, I am praying that you get something more of a plateau with your emotional responses. I can only image how tiring it is in not knowing  what may come next. I can buy pray dear brother - and offer any such support I can from the forum. You are really brave in approaching things in the way you are and keeping close with the family and carrying on with the walks, therapy and online stuff. Truly inspirational. Just imagine all the riches you are building in the Summerland for all you do... As you say, joy is for sure coming!!

 

Love you man

 

God Bless 

[LDN]

Hey man! Just really flat here tonight, which to be honest is to expected I think after the emotional strain of the last few days. I was ok last night and then had a good deep sleep again. I woke to not too much anxiety and then went out to the field. It was very sunny and hot and I also felt really tired, so it was a short one. Was out for 38 minutes or so. I had to listen to my body which was saying I had to rest. So came in and had a sauna and shower and then had my lunch much earlier and then crashed out again. Woke again from a deep sleep. Sometimes I wake from my siesta and I initially don't know where I am or think it is morning, which is what happens today and is a sign you slept deeply. Then this evening just been flat and bored really. Nothing giving me any excitement and my energy is so low I am very limited in what I can do. So this period is not too much fun but I am just seeing it as important rest for my body. Rest periods are often boring but you have to do what need to recover. 

 

Yeah it is tempting to touch the lambs but they generally don't get close enough to me and also they are just not used to it at all. They are growing all the time and stroking is not something they experience so I think they would just get startled as you say. I try as much as possible to just become part of the scenery if you like, and just sort of be one with it. Sort of pretend to be a bush LOL! 

 

But you are right inside I am just desperate to have a cuddle. I look at them and just imagine lying with them in the grass and cuddling. I am having massive animal cravings right now to be honest. Really need a dog or cat and have a proper 1 hour cuddle session. Me and Chin Chin used to do that. Get on the sofa and she would just jump up with such joy and excitement. The moment I sat down on that sofa, her eyes light up and like lighting she would jump up. Every time man!! If I was just walking by the sofa she would scratch away at the sofa, desperate for me to get on it. Once on it she would walk over me and I would open my arms and she would cuddle up with me and we would just lie there together. Both of us holding onto each other so tight. Feeling her heat against me. Just bliss man! She would just stare into my eyes for ages! So beautiful. Honestly man, so of the best times of my life! We just had this insane connection, a deeply spiritual connection. When I was having my massage she would always climb on me and just sit on my bum, they could get her off! Really emotional thinking about it! Since she had been abused she knew pain, so we had that intimate bond of 2 people who had been hurt. Ha suddenly got really emotional here mate!! I am sure happy she out of that shell which was getting to her though! 

 

Really sorry to hear about your laptop man. That is just the sort of thing that is so stressful. To be honest I am surprised at how calm you sound. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I really hope the inquiries are fruitful. So a massive bravo for taking this so well! Really proud man! Especially after what you have been facing the days before this! 

 

Yeah completely agree on the therapy. Part of the process is almost getting away from the house and being in a separate environment and sort of looking from the outside. Plus they can see your whole body and judge your body language easier. I hope for you it shouldn't be much longer before you can get back to doing in person. For me I am not sure it with going all the way up to London for the just the session, so it might be quite a while, but we will see. 

 

I tried reading last night and it was such an effort. Sometimes I can read and it so enjoyable and easy, but yesterday it was a real slog. Kept on getting distracted and stopping. But I feel music is too much for me right now, so not much choice for anything else to do. 

 

Happy the meditating is helping and really hope you have a good day tomorrow!! 

 

Love you brother! 
 

God Bless!

[LDN]

Coucou my special friend!! 

 

What a lovely post my love! That gave me SO MUCH JOY to read that! Such beautiful words, that touched me a lot! 

 

I speak to God about you as well and say what an incredible and wonderful gift you are in my life! I say he must love you so so much! And I am always thanking him for blessing me with your presence! What an honour for me!! Some one who is so inspiring and kind and brave - a true hero to me!! My fellow child of God!! And remember my love - I SEE GOD IN YOU!!!!! 

 

You had a very good day - YEAH!!! Oh that means the world to me!!! I am so so so happy to hear this!! Perfect news!! That sure has put a smile on my face!! Thank you God! 

 

You made brownies - oh YUMMY!!! And then curled on the sofa with a good loving movie - fantastic! That sounds great! So happy you could relax like that! 

 

And that is great you could have a really good sleep!! I'm sure that will have been really good for you! 

 

So today was the park with Denis and groceries - I really hope that went well my love!! 

 

And the crying has diminished 80% - again YEAH!!! Thank you God! So so happy to hear this!

 

I have to say my love you are doing so so well! I am just truly in awe of you!! 

 

BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO!!!

 

I could not be more inspired! You are just a superstar! What a great example to me and source of strength!! 

 

I am praying for you! Praying for HOPE and PEACE and JOY!!! Praying with all my heart! 

 

God Bless! Again so happy for your wonderful news! 

 

Love you so much my Princess of Canada!! From your Prince of London!

[gail]

Coucou sweet love, another good day for me yesterday. I wish that on everyone. Your turn will come London, and while time passes, you show a lot of strength.

How nice it would be for Scrat to paint a picture of you cuddling with the lambs! You really would need an animal companion, when you get back to London.

Again, your words to me Are enlightening. I don't deserve all that, maybe just a part

I need to go shopping for a washing machine. We no longer have them after my talk with you, I will check the internet. Denis does the washing now, but I prefer to have my own one.

Have a God day My Prince and see you tomorrow. I love you Prince from your princess.

[invalidusername]

Hey Gailage...

 

Hope you are having a good day. I found a picture of LDN in his field with all the sheeps!!!

 

https://i.ytimg.com/...xresdefault.jpg

 

Lovage!

[invalidusername]

Hey brother...

 

I think you are right. Flat usually follows these times, so I think it is to be expected. You have been through so much lately - such an emotionally confusing time. I am really glad you have those feelings of not knowing where you are when you wake up as I was worried that it was something to do with me. It is so strange. I will wake and before I have opened my eyes, I really do not know where I am. Even when I open my eyes and see the room it can take a good 10 seconds or so to realise. What the bloody hell is going on there then?!

 

With energy levels low, I think your body will be telling you exactly that. Had a little chuckle to myself when I read "38 minutes... or so". Like you need to be more precise or something!! LOL. Its the sort of thing that Hat would come out with!!

 

You are doing so well with the lambs. Must be like a kid in a sweet shop. I hope you like the picture I found! I just picture you surrounded by all these lovely fluffy beasts. You could camouflage as you say, but then if you so much as moved an inch, it would scare the crap out of the poor little ones!

 

I was fortunate that I was with a friend today who has a little white fluffy dog - a bit like a lamb actually - and she sits on my lap and has a good cuddle while licking my hands! She is a very sweet dog - but more like a cat in that she sits on your lap and washes you. I think a cat would be ideal for you at the moment. They are stress sponges. They just soak it all up. I remember watching Karl Pilkinton on one of his travel shows where he goes to a cat café in China. You pay something like £20 and you get half an hour with about 50 cats, and all the tea you want! 

 

That reminds me. When I was younger and my family used to holiday in Dorset, there was a cat rescue place/farm. they grew every year we went back. At one stage there was about 300 cats, but rather having them in cages, they had to free reign of the farm and fields. They always stayed in the boundaries as they knew where the food was, but when you went to visit, the would crowd round you. It was a lovely place. It is still there, but it also has sheep, bunnies, goats and all sorts. It would be your heaven at the moment

 

Such a lovely description of your moments with Chin Chin - that was one special kitty for sure. But you know she is waiting for you. As soon as you shoot through that tunnel to the Other Side, the first thing you see will be a massive sofa and Chin Chin sitting there waiting. Plenty of time to catch up with relatives and see the crystal waters and Halls of Wisdom she'll have written on her face... but first you need an eternal hug with me first!!

 

I have ordered the parts for the laptop, but will still take about 4 weeks to arrive. I have done a bit of a bodge repair by drilling a hole right through the casing and putting an M4 nut and bolt to hold it together!! LOL. It does the job for now!

 

Will fill you in on the therapy tomorrow...

 

Much love man!

 

God Bless

[LDN]

Hey brother! First of all I am very edgy and wired tonight and sort of struggling to put a sentence together! I loved your message and the picture!! The picture actually really reminded me of the field - the sun, the hills, the sheep everywhere. Today in the field the sun was so intense. Just blue sky in all directions, the bright sun and then the lamb and sheep! Really quite a stunning environment!! All the sheep were resting under the tree and I so desperately wanted to take a picture but didn't have my phone. My mum and dad got back from shopping and I was calling them to come so I could take a photo but they just thought I was waving! About 30 sheep all resting on the ground under this big tree there is in the field! Magical!! My mum was saying when she was in the field the lambs all ran up quite close stop and then would run away, and they would do this a few times! How cute is that??? They were obviously playing a game. 

 

Last night I listened to some music which was quite therapeutic actually. Really into my electronic music, find it quite spiritual! So that was positive and I felt in a good mood going to bed. I woke feeling quite well and really enjoyed my time in the field. As I mentioned the clear view of the sun is amazing. You don't get that really in London. All the big buildings in the way! Having the sun and the empty space and the open sky really is something wonderful and something I have not had for years! Feel like I am on holiday at the moment at times.

 

Then came in and got a little edgy and sort of irritable, which is not great, but it is to be expected I think. That made me feel a little anxious but I still got a good siesta in and since the siesta been more calm which is pleasing but now just suddenly had this wave of sort of wired energy, so need to slow myself down I think. 

 

Last night while listening to music I had this sort of stabbing pain in my heart which felt sort like anxiety. But it didn't last and I kept really calm and just completely let it be.

 

Fantastic work on your computer. I was praying in my meditation spot for that today (among the sheep poo LOL)! So really happy it looks like you have sorted it for the moment! What ingenuity from you man!! Bravo!! And well done for dealing with such a difficult and stressful situation so calmly!! Massive congrats man! Really proud of you!! 

 

Oh man that farm down in Dorset finds just amazing!!! WOW!!! What a dream! A farm full of cats!! Incredible! Oh and lucky you with you friends dog, that sounds lovely!! So pleased you could get some animal cuddles in!! 

 

Beautiful words about the Summerland and Chin Chin brother! Thank you for that!! Looking forward so much to that eternal hug!! 

 

I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow! 

 

Love you brother! 

 

God Bless!

[LDN]

Coucou my special one!!

 

Again what a wonderful post!! That really brought me great joy!! As always with you my love! So lucky to read you - a true honour for me!! Thank you God for this!! 

 

Oh YEAH!! Another good day!! So so happy to hear this!! I was praying for this in the field!! 

 

My love your deserve all those words and more!! You are such a wonderful child of God and I just wish I had more words to describe you!! I admire and adore you!!! Always know this!! Never forget my love - YOU ARE SO SO SPECIAL!!! I SEE GOD IN YOU!!!

 

Washing machine sounds good my love! I hope that goes well!! 

 

I hope you have had a lovely day!! You are doing so great and how strong is your spirit!! So so proud of you!! Big pat on back from me!! A massive inspiration for me!! 

 

God Bless!! Love you my Princess from your Prince!! 

[gail]

Sweet Scrat, I liked your post and I loved the picture of London and his lambs. That was so touching and peaceful. Thank you for sharing. And glad that you could fix your computer.
Much lovage my friend.

My love London, all in all, I see progress. Remember that's it not linear, but you're getting there. Again, beautiful words in your post to me.
Sorry to say, that at the moment, I have difficulty praying. It will pass, I sure hope. Does this happen to you London?

I had a so so day yesterday but never like before. I got my fentanyl mixed up my one day and v
Can't remember if it's today we go looking for washing machine. The calendar says it's today, but I'll call him later to verify. His memory is as worse than mine.lol!
The bubble is on the point of falling, great.

Do you have any picture of Chinchin? If so, please send me one. Thank you.
Heading for Hotmail, I have going there. From your princess and again thank you for your beautiful words. Hope you have a good day. Love.