2348 replies to this topic

[LDN]

Gail my Princess!!!!! 

 

Bonjour and coucou!!!!! 

 

My love never worry about the email - remember never never any pressure!! Only if have the strength and want to!!! We can talk on here as you say my love! So no pressure at all!!! 

 

Oh my love the God moments on Saturday and Monday were amazing! Everything felt magical! I felt so happy every since both! Wow! The world felt such a perfect place on those days! God was everywhere and heaven seemed to be on earth! I think back to them and want to cry with happiness! They touched my soul like only God can!!! JOY JOY JOY!!!! So much excitement I feel for my union with God in heaven!!! Oh such JOY we will feel!!!!! I am happy for the future! So excited! But for now I still feel happy after these wonderful moments of magic with God in the nature!!!

 

Good luck with the dentist my love, I really hope that works out! I will be praying! 

 

I hurts me a lot to see all those suffering with the stress and panic but I put them in God's hands. I know he loves them. I pray for them everyday! 

 

Yes I will go the famous hill a lot my love!! Can't wait!! I will miss Chin Chin like mad! Like you said I will have to get a pet sheep - steal one from the field LOL!!! 

 

I will be looking out for the cows my love! I know how much you love them! I will look into their eyes!!! 

 

I leave Thursday my love! My cousins and aunt and uncle are down there so will hopefully see them! All my family is coming! Early vacation for summer this year!!! LOL!!! 

 

I think of you a lot my love! 

 

I hope you have a beautiful sleep!!! 

 

JOY, LOVE, PEACE, BEAUTY AND TO SEE AND TOUCH JESUS - IS COMING MY LOVE!!!!!!!! 

 

I just can't wait for it my love!! 

 

I love you so much! God Bless my hero!!

[LDN]

Thank you for that Lovey! 

 

Praying for you!! 

 

Love and God Bless!

[gail]

Coucou London,

Just like you, the CV does not get me anxious. I'm isolating as I've been for three years.

Dentist update: office closed except for extreme emergencies. My gum tumor will have to wait. Yesterday I panicked over this. Seeing doctor on Thursday and hoping that she can find an outlet for me.

Lung doctor this afternoon, thank you God that those two appointments weren't cancelled. The lung thing would be another source of panic.

I haven't been out for a week so I don't know what I'll find in the real world. Just need to think to wash my hands often in the hospital and drs office. Not my forte.

Reaching acceptance is the goal, with our mental state, it can take a bit of time.

My five good days have left me on Sunday. I hope for more but going out will help me.

Prayers for the whole world in this time of chaos. For Those unfamiliar with anxiety, this will be hard, benzos will become of usage.

Canada will see to everyone out of a job that can't get checks from assurance emploi will have the same amount of those receiving assurance emploi. So no one is panicking for that. All government are criticized, but this is a hell of a good gesture from ours.

You are leaving tomorrow my love, so happy for you. Your mud garden will be replaced by the hill. Plenty of God moments. Would you care to explain to those who don't know what a God moment is. Thank you. With much love, your princess!

[gail]

Hello Scrat,

Life is hard at times, when unsure of revenues. Even though it never happened to me, I understand your fear.

It is as it is, with no control over these things. I hope for you to reach acceptance. Your parents will be there for you, should you need a hand. They will understand, I guess that one month or two, things will turn about. The clients will be back, a question of time and patience.

You and Mrs Scrat are in my prayers for courage, strength and acceptance. Yesterday was sheer panic over that tumor and today, I think that I have reached acceptance. As London says that the first days, you panic. Afterwards comes acceptance. I wish that for you my friend. Lovage

[gail]

GAIL'S CORNER

In this period of anxiety, again I need to unfold my wings along with Scrat. I hope that your wings grew so we can take this trip together. Here, let me check, perfect Scrat. You are ready to fly with me. One hour of flying. Are you ready my friend?

And up we go into the skies, laughing, free of everything. Breathing at last. We're talking during the flight. I want to go swimming for a long time and you? Of course Gailage. I feel so happy, you say. Me too. We're near now, flying over the turquoise sea, and we land on the beach. Yeah! What are you feeling, I say. Scrat says that he's never been so happy, so calm and grateful.

We need to see Jesus before anything so we fly on the top of the small mountain. And there he is, embracing us both and smiling as he knows that we needed to come here to calm down and forget about our situation.

Jesus says that the best thing to do is pray. So we enter the chapel, we sit. Jesus is holding our hands. A calming effect. And we pray, we repeat what the Master is saying. For the whole world, we pray for courage, strength, and we ask that all people get closer to God. I'm crying as I am touched and Scrat also.

No lunch today, it's fasting day. BTW, we all have a body even Jesus. We decide to fly over that wonderful sea, us three. Then it's time to go swimming, I have my bathing suit and Scrat can swim in his boxers. Jesus has other things to attend so it's Scrat and me in the ocean.
Playing ball and having fun like two kids. Free, peaceful, joyful, and love.

pS as I write this, I don't feel good, crying and anxiety. Just wanted you to know.

To continue my story, we decide to soak in some sun and yes, the Master has thought to leave us with a few towels and besides our wings need to be dry before leaving. We take them off to put on a towels for them to dry in the sun.

Suddenly, a man never seen, brings us each a beer so we don't deshydrate. We're happy for that. Heaven beer tastes like heaven. So we relax on our towels, soaking in all the beauty surrounding us. And we smile at each other. So so happy.

It will soon be time to leave so we can fly in clarity. The wings are dry, helping each other to put them on. And we begin to cry at the thought of returning. The Master comes along, fear not, I will always be holding your hands down there. Always there for you even if you can't see me. He gives us his Blessing, holding us tight and away he went.

We need to remember the fact that He is always near us, holding our hand, this should be a blessing for us. We're back home and hope to God that this voyage will help us to remind us of the Master's presence.

[fishinghat]

Lovey, beautiful, absolutely beautiful..,

 

Your timing is excellent.

[Lovey]

Hi everyone, I have not read the whole thread yet but thinking of you all.

LDN will you be able to check in with us from the countryside?

I am having to remind myself to breath, trust, do what I can. Lots to be potentially scared about.

[invalidusername]

Hi Lovey... yes I am already there with the being scared. It just hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday morning and it hasn't let up. I can't do anything but sit in my bed all day. I really hope I can get through this and start accepting quickly, but it is my worst fear realised. We all need to be here for one another...

[invalidusername]

Gailage,

 

I read your corner last night before bed and I managed to get a good 8 hours. Shame that I woke up and immediately hit fear, but I will do the same again tonight and read your corner before bed. It makes me just want to return home. 

 

I know that things will return back to normal, but there is so much hype about it and it has affected me too much. You cannot escape it. I am not looking at any news or stats any more. I know what will happen, and looking at it and reminding myself about it will not help. I just wish that the government would make its mind up what we are doing. They are changing their mind every day - and this is what makes it so bad for me.

 

Thank you for the prayers, you and all the others here are also in my thoughts and prayers. And your stories. I really need them. They make me think of Home, and of course how much I would like to go there... right now. Earth is too much for me already after the last 2 days. I pray for the good Lord to bring my acceptance so I do not lose everything that I have built up over the last 5 months in my recovery. 

 

Lovage,

 

Your Scrat

[invalidusername]

Hey Brother...

 

I need your help. Were you really just the same as me with this fear and panic? I have had another day in bed. I cancelled all my clients - my head was spinning and so clouded. My mind was racing with thoughts which cannot be stopped. Again, I was on a cocktail of dramamine, calium and special K. Enough to stop me shaking and go further into shock, but I just cannot stand this. I don't understand how it can go from being perfectly fine one evening to the most intense fear the next. So, did you have this exactly? And then it moved to acceptance? I just cannot imagine going through this for weeks to come. I haven't even thought about my rib all this time - and if fact it is a lot better not I do think about it. 

 

My wife is simply not bothered by it at all - I can understand as she, like you, have spent a lot of time isolated. But today, she went and did some food shopping in the middle of the day on her own AND went to the pharmacy to get my rx of valium. Amazing bravery on her part. I am so thankful to her for this. Not that the valium is doing a great deal.

 

At one point during the day, I just thought about going out anyway and just facing it. I thought it just need to be dealt with head on, but my head was so bad, it wouldn't have worked. Everything was spinning and even now, I am terrified of having to go through the same again tomorrow. I was hoping that today would have been a little bit better, but no. At least it wasn't any worse - that is something. I have hit the peak of the fear at least. But brother, I really need some advice as to how to move to the acceptance as you did. I want that more than anything. I do have work to be done from home, and money to come in, but I cannot do that. I cannot even pick up my phone to play a game. My head is just full of horrific random thoughts. I tried breathing exercises, but I can't stay with them long enough - the thoughts are too powerful.

 

I know there are measures in place for the vulnerable and elderly, but as you said yesterday, there are all the people with mental health issues that are already in a "crisis" because of all this. As I said before, this has hit me right where it hurts the most - the lack of control factor. The more control that is taken from me, the worse I get - and this has really done a number on me. I am so so scared. I need more information. I know it will end, but without knowing more about it, I cannot feel any comfort in any way, and the problem is that there are no answers yet, and what with the government changing its mind every 5 minutes doesn't help at all.

 

Not at all looking forward to tomorrow. I have three clients and I just want to get on with it, but my thoughts are so overpowering. I am in such a mess. Five great months of recovery, this is the last thing I needed....

 

Thank you for being there dear brother - any help and advice you can give would be great.

 

Big love to you man

 

God Bless

[LDN]

Hey brother! I am just finished packing and leaving early (for me) in the morning so I have to go to bed, I will properly write to you tomorrow. I am generally pretty good but the NHS haven't got my prescription sorted so that is causing stress. 

 

I am really sorry I have to be short tonight especially when you need me - but I will 100% be back tomorrow night! 

 

Big congrats for the wife! Send her my biggest congratulations please! So brave! 

 

So what I will quickly suggest might not be easy to hear but I think it will help. I think you are having very much a situational anxiety episode. So fundamentally drugs and kratom won't help too much because they don't take the reality of the situation away. Even when you take them, you still are faced with what is going on right? So i think it is about accepting that what you are feeling is natural and normal and it won't last. You can work from home as you say. Government measures will come in very soon and matters will be taken out of your hands. Yes it will be very tough to be stuck at home for a few weeks but you can go on walks and it will do wonders for facing up to your thoughts. I feel you are scared of being at home and stuck with your thoughts, as you have mentioned before. This is will be a real opportunity to work with that. Also you know everybody is stuck at home as well. You can work, meditate, do art, listen to music. 

 

I was very much panicked like you a week ago. I just couldn't believe this was happening. Right in the middle of my recovery. It didn't feel real. All the possibilities were running through my head. I just couldn't believe it, I thought i have too much already in my life, I can't deal with this. Going to the country out of the blue. But it is was it is. It is part of God's and our plan for us on earth. We agreed to this - remember that brother! Now we don't understand but we will! All we can do is live with love as best as we can before we return home. Keep it simple - just one day at a time. With time will come acceptance. You just have to ride this initial wave of panic. Last week I was riddled with panic at my therapy and couldn't even talk, today I felt a different person. A lot can change in a few days - remember that! 

 

I will be praying for you! If you pray for my meds because I don't what I will do since I am leaving tomorrow. Thank you brother. Once meds are sorted I can relax. 

 

I love so much brother and remember joy is coming! 

 

God Bless!

[LDN]

Hi Lovey yes I will have internet in the country thankfully! I hope you are well! 

 

Sending lots of love and God bless! 

[LDN]

Coucou Gail! 

 

I will fill you in tomorrow my love! Packing tonight and then have to get up early to leave!! Oh lala! What a life! 

 

Your Gail corner was stunning, just stunning! Every time I read you it is pure magic! You have a real gift my love!! 

 

I hope the lung doctor went well my love!!

 

And good luck tomorrow with the doctor, I hope that goes well!!

 

I am praying for you!! 

 

You inspire me so much! I had another good mud garden today - thank you God for that!! It was beautiful!!! 

 

Love you my Princess!!! 

[gail]

Scrat, tell me what are those biggest fears? Catching it? Talk to me and get it off your chest.
When in state of anxiety, the mind races from one thing to another. Things that you can't remember 5 minutes after. That's my case.

Will your government compensate you for lost work? It seems that you are an autonom worker, meaning you work for yourself. Name all your fears.

I can't believe that Mrs Scrat went shopping and to the pharmacy by herself. Seeing you incapacitated gives her strength. Something good came out of this.

And when this is over, again good will come out of it.

For people who dont know what anxiety is, they are in for a surprise. They will understand us better. Same for depression. Fear, losing loved ones, maybe people will turn to God.

I had a medical appointment today, medical clinics closed yesterday. But the good thing is that the doctor will call us, and discuss our problems. Nothing lost. Went to the hospital for lung check up, no more water, yeah! Hospital almost empty.

So Scrat, let time pass and when you are ready, jump into the world. Love and lovage, Gailage

[invalidusername]

Hi Gailage...

 

A lovely corner from you last night, which I read before going to sleep and I had pleasant dreams for a change. It was lovely. Also glad to know there was beer in heaven for you!! Thank you so so much. You have no idea what your words do for me.

 

My biggest fears? Well at the top is the impact it will have on my mental health. I just started getting to the point of breaking my routine to really put a stop to my anxiety. Started to mix things up and eventually have a few days away somewhere.. eventually, but now all this virus shit has stopped that. It has changed my routine completely. I am no longer in control. I wake up to emails and messages from clients and suppliers about how things have changed. I cannot take that much change at once - it is so much stress and then there is anxiety because I never know what is happening. 

 

Yes, like you say, my mind is racing ALL DAY. It never stops. 

 

There is talk that there might be some money from the government, but I honestly cannot see that happening. There are so many self-employed people that could loose their work because of this. I won't - my clients will still be there after this is over, but I need to find money while they are all isolating. But my biggest fear is my mental health. 5 months of recovery and overnight I go back to where I was months ago. It is very scary. I don't want to have to go through it all again.

 

Fantastic news about your lungs! Really? No water!? What a blessing. This has made my day so much better to know there is light in the depths of darkness in the world. How wonderful. Praise God!

 

And yes Mrs Scrat did an amazing thing yesterday. I was so proud of her to do this. Even today, when I went back to work, she was out looking for toilet paper as we do not have any!!

 

I wish I could join LDN and his family down in the country. Things would be so much better down there. No-one would be so concerned. Life is much slower in the West of England... I love it there. You must fly there soon...

 

Much love and lovage...

 

Scrattage

[invalidusername]

Hey brother...

 

So I assume you are down in the country as I write? I also assume that you got your prescription in time - I did send up a prayer for you. I assume you couldn't have gone without it?!

 

So situational anxiety... it's definition;

 

"Situational anxiety is a specific type of anxiety that occurs during unfamiliar situations or events that make us so nervous that we lose control of our ability to stay calm."

 

We lose control of our ability to stay calm. Absolutely. That is really it. Being calm was simply not a option. And you are right that the drugs available to me don't take the reality away. The only thing that would is psychadelics which I am not going near! But this is the problem, when it is a public speaking event, or a hospital appointment, or standing in a queue, the end is there in sight. This virus stuff there is so much uncertainty and it is that thought which overpowers it. I try to tell myself that the end is there - somewhere - but it is no good when I cannot see it.

 

I know you say it is a case of accepting the situation, but I just do not know how to do that. Today I just did what I know best when faced with anxiety and that is to face it head on. I woke again feeling fearful - although not quite as bad as the last two days. I took some special K and did some breathing exercises. Then I went to my first client at 2pm for around 90 minutes. I was feeling quite uneasy but it didn't get any worse for being there. I didn't feel the need to run away back to my flat as it wouldn't help the situation at all. But by the same token, I didn't feel any better to have done it either. Again, because it will likely get worse in due course. I then had an hour break before second client and another 90 minutes. Third client cancelled because of virus. So I did a bit of work from home. Overall, it was a better day, but I am still so vulnerable.

 

The stress is getting to me - how to pay rent, where to find toilet paper (we are now out completely!), and of course, when there will be some damn transparency to what the government is deciding to do. Everything changes every few hours. I try to get to grips with one thing, and then they change it. I just cannot cope like that. This is what is messing me up. 

 

You say it will do me good to be at home and face up to my thoughts, but I wanted to be in control of when and how I did that. To be forced into this situation is not good.

 

Everyone is saying exactly as you are - "it is what it is". That is all that can be said. But I just don't know how to face it. I know it is what it is, but everyone else seems quite calm in the face of it. I know this is the sore spot of my anxiety - the whole control thing. Really could have done with my therapy this week, but it looks like that it not going to be happening for some time. And what really is stupid is that 20-something people in the whole of Kent has the virus and nearly 1,2 million live in Kent, That is a grain of sand by comparison. Why all this stupidity with toilet paper and cancelling things so early... I just don't get it. 

 

Sorry - this has all been about me but I am sick of living in fear again after 5 months of getting myself to a much better place as I said to Gialage in the message above.

 

Anyway - I really hope your journey went well and that you have all your meds etc. Let me know how things went for you. I would love to join you down there in the country as I know that things are so much calmer and slower down there. I bet their little corner shop has plenty of toilet paper!!

 

Look forward to hearing from you brother.

 

Much love

 

God Bless

[LDN]

Hey brother! I am here but unbelievably knackered! What a day man!! So this won't be the longest message but next few days I should get some energy back! 

 

So last night I was so so nervous about my meds, the NHS delayed it and I was really freaking out! Thankfully after my mum called them loads this morning they finally got it sent off! Imagine I am in withdrawal of 1 drug, I don't want to go without another!!! So thank you with all my heart and soul for your prayers!!

 

So I did a lot of packing last night and then this morning and then I had to wait for about an hour, as my family was packing so much since we have no idea how long we will be down here for. So I was just waiting around just feeling anxious. Then we finally left and I was meditating and praying and just really focussing on heaven and God and what is waiting for me and just being at peace and this lead me to falling asleep for an hour!!! The 1st time I have probably fallen asleep in the car for probably about 10 years!!! Man meditation is just my rock at the moment! In the garden or the car, I just rely on it so so much! 

 

Then we had a break at a service stop! Guess what we heard? My mum was looking for toilet paper and they had none and the guy at the till said people were going into the loo's and stealing it!!! Imagine!!! Hiding it under their coats!!! So then we continued and I just chatted to my dad and felt fine. In all it was 2 hours 40 minutes - so that is very long for me, but I coped well. 

 

Then just as we were getting to the house I felt really uncomfortable and weird knowing the cat would not be there to greet me. I had been dreading this moment to be honest. I loved her so so much! So when I arrived it felt strange and I felt sad. I did hear twice meowing? Also I stroked the air as if she was there, that was beautiful! I can feel her spirit if I am honest! And of course I am just so overjoyed she is in heaven, that makes it bearable! 

 

Then I had unpack everything!!! I was so so knackered as it was, but I didn't want to leave it till tomorrow. Had to put up my sauna, hoover up all the dead flies in my room, unpack all my stuff! Ah man I am so so tired!!! I only found out we were coming on Sunday and I am in withdrawal as well!!! Plus having to pack for no idea how long! My sister got the train as there wasn't space in the car and is at my cousins and my brother driving down next few days. 

 

Ok I am about to pass out here brother! But bravo for getting out to work today!!! I am so so proud of you!!! 2 90 minute clients is superb after the last few days!! Just having a better day is a massive step! I am delighted to read it! It will take time to settle but delighted you are moving in positive direction! We will get through this brother!! 

 

Also your wife WOW!!!! Going out 2 days in a row!! Incredible!!! I am so excited! Please send her massive massive congratulations!!! Just incredible bravery from her!! What amazing steps!!! I know exactly how tough what she is doing is - amazing to read that!!!

 

I wish I could write more but my arms can't go on! Talk tomorrow! 

 

We will make this together! I am here for you!! 

 

Love you so much! 

 

God Bless!

[Lovey]

Hi iun, ldn, gail, fh, anyone else reading.

Iun, and ldn I have been praying fervently for perseverance and fortitude and strength for you. I'm a little quiet over here doing deep connecting to myself and to God. Asking for His help with deciphering his intentions for my life's work and journey.

Its been so wonderful not having to rush here there and everywhere. I am finally making progress little by little on getting my home in order. I overdid physical activity yesterday hauling several loads of rocks, clearing the land for my garden. So predictably, today I was very sore and had low energy.

Need to pace myself even though I am so thrilled to have all this time to do this stuff.

Gail your writing uplifts my spirit and my whole self. How brave and strong, you wrote even through pain and tears.

I want to make a practice of drawing every day. I'm finding it hard with the plethora of chores I'm behind on but i am reminded that children get recess. I need that too!!

A strange aside is that I feel interesting feelings that other people are MAYBE feeling a little how I feel, in terms of being confined to home, or at least having limited outings. I have dealt with this for over 6 years since my home invasion and physical assault of the perpetrator. Fear grips me and it is hard to function comfortably and normally with groups, noises and social touching. I am not a recluse, but I can tolerate outings for much much shorter times and only a fraction of before the incident. I am easily overstimulated by sounds, motion, commotion, layers of sounds and the threat of physical and/or sexual assault by men, whether perceived or real.

Keep swimming. Keep dreaming happy dreams. I will make it to my ocean home. I will find love, and I will have a family of my own, God willing. I will achieve success with my art and writing. I will be brave and share what God has done for me. Surround yourselves with happy things you like and that should help I think. Also grab on to bible verses to point you to the way, the truth and THE LIFE. Do not be consumed by fear. Lean not on your own understanding. Look unto the Lord and He will make your paths straight. Good night. Sending love from Lovey H.Q.

[Lovey]

P.S. I am feeling VERY LONELY!!!!

anyone got some good jokes?

[gail]

Lovey,

How interesting to know that you write. What type of writing do you do? And your drawings, paint, crayon, ???? About Your drawings, portraits yes, scenery? I do not have this talent, how I wish that I would have this.

Everybody was in bed when you last wrote. May you rely on God for strength and help. Love

[gail]

Mrs Scrat,

Prayers work. I can't believe what you did in the last two days. Was it easy! Difficult! You have all my admiration. Don't forget baby wipes to replace toilet paper or Kleenex.
Take good care of Scrat and again, I'm in awe of what you did. I'm so thrilled to hear about this. Almost in shock!

Can I ask you a favor? I have a tumor on my from gum, a big one that's keeps on growing enough to affect my speaking. I would like for you to pray for me, one, that it stops growing till the end of Corona, two, that a oral surgeon has mercy on me, and takes me under his wings.
Thanking you in advance Mrs Scrat. Gailage

[Lovey]

Gailage,

I write lots of self expressive journaling, poetry, snippets of stories, and article-blog type writing. I have not published anything, its mostly just for me but I have shared with a few trusty friends.

My art is grounded in classically trained drawing and painting. Figures, portraits, landscapes, still life objects etc....I also love experimental painting (abstract). Pencil, charcoal, chalk, oil pastel, oil paint, acacrylic paint, ink.... I love it all!!!

[Polly38]

Gail - I will be praying for you.

Sending love❤

Polly

[Lovey]

Gail I too am praying for you. Polly hello! Prayers all around!!!

[Polly38]

Hello Lovey! Yes, definitely prayers all round! Nice to meet you (no shaking hands though😏)

[invalidusername]

Lovey,

 

Unfortunately you chose a bad time to write last night. The only member who is likely to be around at 5am is LDN, but he had an early turn in because of his journey to the country. 

 

My thanks for your prayers - really are needed for us all. But despite you overdoing things, you have managed to keep yourself occupied which is a good thing. I am not good at making myself do thing which are necessary, which is why loosing work concerns me. I always get work done unless something really bad is occurring. A lockdown would mean that I don't HAVE to do anything which would leave me alone with my thoughts. This is something that I still need to work on - but ideally in my own time. Present circumstances have forced me into it.

 

I am sure you will achieve your success my dear. Despite what you have been through, you do sound very fervent in your ability to achieve what you desire. 

 

Much love right back at'cha. Keep us all posted on how you are doing.

 

IUN

[invalidusername]

Gailage... this is a reply from THE Mrs Scrat herself!!

 

"Are you joking when you ask was it easy?! LOL. Unfortunately it still triggers my anxiety to talk about it. At the time is very difficult but I knew it had to be done, so I just did it. I try not to think about it when I am doing it. Thank you very much for your kind words about me on the forum."

 

She has been affected by the whole cv stuff, it is only the way that it has affected me which has made her worse. We will both be praying for your gum issues, and can imagine how it is affecting your speaking. Any problems in the mouth can be quite horrible as you are always feeling them because the tissue inside the mouth is so sensitive.

 

Please keep us all updated my dear.

 

Much lovage from 

 

Mr and Mrs Scrat

[Lovey]

I am 6 hours behind you U.K. folks. It was 11 pm here but I fortunately didn't need an immediate response, just needed to say what I did and get it out of myself.

Some of my seeds have already started to sprout! So exciting!! Broccoli, butter lettuce and green leaf lettuce. My garden area is cleared of all the rocks and last years leaves, and a rabbit proof fence is in place. In about 2 weeks or so I will transplant the baby shoots. Tomorrow my state is going into "shelter in place" meaning ee can't go anywhere. I'm as ready as I can be. Good hearing from u iun and Mrs. Scrat too.

[invalidusername]

Hey brother...

 

Well obviously I am very glad that you got all of your meds sorted out. I can imagine all the things that must have been going through your mind at the time. And I really understand what it must have been like for you having done your packing and then to have to wait for everyone else to catch up with their own packing. That time between after you have finished and waiting for everyone else has to be the slowest time known to man!! And it is so stressful too - all you want to do is just get on with the task at hand of getting on with the journey. 

 

Also great that you managed to fall asleep in the car! That is awesome. I really wish I had the skills that you have with your meditation. I can see the potential and I just want to harness it. You call it your rock and this is how I can see how much more potential it has. I got about 20 minutes in between clients and it really did help. I could have done with longer. 

 

And I can well believe about the toilet roll in the service area. I am surprised it was still open at the moment. I was also very lucky to get a supply of toilet paper this evening at Tesco. There was two packs left just as I checked, so grabbed them both before anyone else could. It is like the bloody holy grail! 

 

So I hope you are all settled in now and had the time to get some energy back. I think you for sure had some energy from Chinchin going on there. A lovely thing to happen. She wouldn't have wanted you to arrive there and not have some greeting.

 

My day wasn't the best again, but I still managed to get myself up and about. I woke with surprising little anxiety, but an onset of depression instead, which I haven't seen in some time. It took me by surprise and I really wasn't prepared for it. I tried telling myself that it had to be expected after the last few days with all that has been going on. Then I soon got the anxiety bit back, so I had a double whammy of both depression and anxiety. But I went off and did my first client for about an hour, and then had that little bit of time where I was able to get some meditation in. There was no point in taking anything as it doesn't work. But I did feel a bit more together for the second client. That was about 75 minutes and then I did a shop. So was out for around 4 hours in total. 

 

I am really not sure what to expect from here on. I am hoping that the up and down of varying moods will level out and I will be able to accept all that is going on. But I cannot seem to know how to get there. It comes back to what we were talking about weeks ago - trying to accept something that is so difficult to begin with. If I cannot see an end to it, how am I going to achieve it?! A timescale would make things so much easier. One part of me is thinking how can the government we locking things down for 3 months?! It is going to cripple the economy and put us self-employed in quite a bad place... and this is all because they could not sort the NHS out in the first place.

 

Anyway - very late and I want to get some more meditation in before sleepage. Looking forward to hear how the settling in went and which sheep you have adopted for your stay

 

Much love dear brother

 

God Bless

[invalidusername]

In addition - thought you might be interested to see the BBC's sorry excuse of  assistance for those with OCD going through the corona crisis;

 

https://www.bbc.co.u...ng-the-pandemic