2348 replies to this topic

[gail]

GÀILS CORNER

SUNDAY, God's day. I was reflecting about all the people suffering. People we know and others, millions, that we don't know. How I hurt to see others suffering.

So I called God for a conversation. I told him how powerless I felt, besides prayers, love, compassion. He told me that what I do is sufficient, that him too suffering to see his children suffer. But, I said, you could all take this away in a minute. Like you did two thousand years ago.

He says that he has his reasons that we could not understand. But, before leaving, He's a busy guy, he said that all that suffering will bring us the greatest joy in Heaven.

But we do have good moments in between, thank God and meds to help us through.

I called him back for Him to show me a piece of heaven. He smiled and said close your eyes, I did and what I saw was mind blowing. All my family was there, even Katou, with smiles on their faces, genuine smiles. I felt their love like never before. Open your eyes He said, no, I don't want to, and He opened them for me. Last question please, when we are in heaven, the whole Earth business will be forgotten for ever? Yes, he said, no sickness, no cries, no social media, pure health. Ok my love, I need to go. Thank you God.

So prayers are sufficient, and He will do what he decides with those prayers but, as we know him, He takes his own sweet time. He has his reason.

Never forget that God manifests himself through people, situations and circumstances.

If just the veil was not taken awAy at birth! I wonder if he consults before taking those big decisions. I know that Scrat and London would be for the not taking away the veil. Well guys, in heaven, no more veil. Veil of not, we all know where we came from, heaven.

And I know that most of us are eagerly waiting for this new life, specially those who are suffering, no naming but I'm included.

I saw him coming back and he said that he was so proud of us taking care of others. You all are not powerless, you have the prayers and as they say,NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PRAYERS. again, I lost him through the clouds. If only I had wings to join him.

As I was taking my bath yesterday morning, I felt two featherly (small bumps) in the center of my back. And guess what, my wings are growing. And soon I will visit all of you, would like to try your weedy tea Scrat! I wish to see the turquoise sea, hop on my back Scrat, and let me see it.

London, dying for a sauna and a trip to your mud garden. I'll use my wings not to get too dirty. My wings are so tiny and white. You should all check your backs...

I'll go see Hat, meet his lovely wife and take them out for lunch. Don't worry Hat, we can also order in.

Lovey, I will make a stop at your place. You can pick one small feather on my back to give you strength and courage. Just one Lovey.

And then, I need to come back home. I feel that my wings are tired. Maybe I should rest before leaving. Back to London, big house, must be a spare bed in there. If not, I'll take your bed while you go to your mud garden. Deal?♥️

I'm back home, can't believe that I did all that flying, tired, but I met God and my friends

[fishinghat]

Such wonderful words of wisdom and clarity.

 

Hugs to you Gail and love.

[invalidusername]

Hey guys...

 

WOW... Gailage - that was quite something. I thought I was reading a book for a moment. Some lovely words in there and you can swing past and visit me by the sea for a cup of my special tea anytime! So many pictures buzzing round my head when you spoke of Heaven in there. Just like LDN said, it will be lke awakening from a dream.

 

You speak like a lot of people who go through past life regression. The guy who first came through with it, Dr Michael Newton, was a complete skeptic. He did hypnosis in a psycho-therapeutic sense, but he didn't believe in afterlife or anything, until that day that someone seemed to have changed during one of his sessions. People then started to remember their moment between lives. Fascinating stuff... all of this. Thanks for your continued writing Gailage. I was thanking upstairs only earlier for all these lovely messages.

 

I know there is a lot of suffering in this world, but we are all here to learn something. Some people have it easier than others, but these people are here to learn whatever it is they have to. But on top of that, there is also free will. We can always deviate from our plan if we are not always quiet enough to listen out for it. There are so many people that walk around blind in this way. They will realise only too late when they turn round and come back to do it all over again. Just like college. If you don't get what you set out to do, then you will only have to do it again if you want to progress. Nice and simple. 

 

Sorry to hear about your toughish day again brother. I didn't realise that you were half way through your withdrawal at the moment. Surely that has something to do with the present situation? But bravo for getting out and carrying on as normal. Remember it can often seem as though we are back to square one when we are in the midst of it all.

 

But just like you told me not so long ago, we never forget the tools we have learnt along the way. Its all in our journal here somewhere, but it is again just like you were reminding me of stuff when I have been through these moments. You are always telling me that days off are difficult and that is where you are - in the middle of a bunch of days off... like ever day is my Sunday. 

 

Having said that, I have been out and about for 4 hours today, but taken it easy for the rest. I washed the car, visited the parents and had a nice walk out with the wife... which was a long time coming. This was in the light with plenty of people, so she was still nervous, but she will do this with me, and because I am often not about during the week, we cannot do this, so I need to make sure I am available during the weekend should she feel able to do these things.

 

So no burnout!! I had a remedy "booster" through from my homeopath at the start of the week. I had four pills to take over four days, and they have really helped. I really do not think I would still have been able to be out and about after 3 very hectic days. Have to hand it to her, she is very tuned in on it all. People can say what they like about homeopathy, but there is no denying that it has worked for me. The graphs tell it all!!

 

Every time you mention your ketamine, it makes me wonder... like I would like to see for myself. But I don't think I could. I would probably bottle it. Besides, I hope I am never again in that place. I know they say that once you have had more than 1 episode that you are likely to have more, but I don't believe that. I think that I was not given the right therapy and tools the first time around. This time has been different. I intend to keep these tools going as best I can. So full circle to the start of my message, we are here to learn and this sure is something that I need to do!!!

 

Look forward to hearing from you both soon, and much much love and lovage.

 

God Bless

[LDN]

Hey brother fantastic to hear about you and your wife getting out for a walk!! So pleased for her!! Send her my congratulations on such huge bravery! Coming from someone who understands what she is going through!! Hopefully she can start to build on this!! Wonderful news!! 

 

Happy the day went well and you are feeling well! Great that the homeopathy has helped so much! My mum is a big believer in homeopathy, all her life she has! 

 

I had a bit on an exposure today. Some relations we hadn't had time to see over Christmas. They went out for lunch with the rest of my family, but I was too weak for that but then they came back to my house for coffee and I came down and saw them. 6 of them. My aunt, a cousin, another cousin and his wife, and their 2 children. I hadn't seen any of them since my 1st breakdown in 2011. So over 9 years since I had seen any of them. Obviously I am not strong at the moment but socialising is something that I can do. So I wasn't that nervous. A bit nervous last night, but before I wasn't really nervous at all when I woke up and with them I was completely relaxed. As I say I have my sensory fragility and my physical weakness but my social skills are working fine. One of the few things I can do - along with reading, meditation and prayer. But having not seen them in so long, was good to tick that off. Another goal completed. Chatted for about 2 hours 40 minutes. The last time I had seen the kids they tiny and now they are 10 and 12, so that was a bit weird. To be honest it did not feel like 9 years at all, just shows how time is not something to get stressed about. I didn't build it up, I just went in with my teachings and went with the flow. 

 

Another than that just flat and hugely tired as usual. Getting to me really. But I have a long time to go with my Lyme recovery, so I am not surprised. There is no pressure that I should be feeling better. My doctor is straight up with me I have long long way to go, so what I am going through is nothing unexpected. Still it is frustrating but there is nothing I can do. Just have to use my time disabled as I am as productively as possible. Which means reading and meditating basically. I need to get back to really properly reading more than I have recently. I need to keep on learning and growing my ideas. 

 

Feeling a bit flat here, so sorry about that, but much better than mental pain, so I'll take it. Really so pleased to read your news though!! 

 

I will be praying as always! 

 

Love you brother! 

 

God Bless

[LDN]

Stunning message Gail!! I have no words for such beauty! Speechless! 

 

And yes you can sleep in my bed when I am in the mud LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You are something TRULY SPECIAL!!! YOU MUST KNOW THIS!!!! 

 

I LOVE YOU!!!! GOD BLESS!!!!

[LDN]

Hi fishinghat just a quick question sorry to bother you. After a CT scan, I think I read you mention something about washing down the iodine but I can't remember exactly. What exactly was your suggestion? 

 

Thank you so much! 

 

Love and God Bless!

[gail]

London, after many CT scans, you need to drink a liter of water afterwards. Love

[gail]

GAIL'S CORNER

short post to say how happy I am that you enjoy my posts. I love writing about God and put some humor in between. I remember yesterday when I finished my post, I felt so good and wanted it to never end. Thank you all for your lovely words. Now, I wait for inspiration...

[fishinghat]

LDN

 

You hit on one of my pet subjects. I will try to summarize.

 

1) During a cat scan you usually receive around 500 years worth of iodine and you should force fluids for 48 hours.

 

2) Research shows that between 10 and 28% of those having a cat scan will have effected their thyroid levels (TSH, t3 and t4) BUT do not let a doctor put you on thyroid hormones as that state usually reverses with time (2 to 3 years depending on age).

 

3) Radiation from imaging tests like cat scans, x-rays and such account for about 2% of cancer cases in the USA. This has been deemed an acceptable risk  by the FDA.

 

4) There are two antioxidants that can be taken before an imaging test to minimize the risk of radiation damage. The two choices are 500 mg of vitamin C or 600 mg of NAC. Take one dose the day before the test, one dose 1 hour before the test and one dose the day after the test. This will reduce the negative effects by around 40%. The greatest risk is a lowered white blood cell count which usually takes 2 to 7 years to improve but can take up to 20 years. I am on year 5 and about 2 more years to go before coming out of isolation.

 

5) Low white blood cell count from radiation exposure accounts for around 20% of deaths in the elderly due to colds and flu and soon the coronavirus.

 

I have detailed information on it so if you are curious let me know and I will post it.

[invalidusername]

This is unbelievable. I really wish I had known this before I had my scan 2 years ago for my ear. They said it was unlikely that there was anything that would be shown in the scan, but they "wanted to cover all bases". Had I have known this, I would have told them not to bother...

[Lovey]

Gail thank you! Love love love

[gail]

Lovey, glad you liked it. So London has something in common with you. He got a God's stone and you my precious white feather. Hope that your feeling better, with love! It will pass eventually. You are a spiritual being experimenting life as a human. It sucks at time!

[invalidusername]

Hey brother...

 

Thank you for your words of encouragement for the wife - she was pleased that she is being recognised outside of myself! She actually did her own very scary exposure. She went to the minimart for some food. Was in the dark so she felt more comfortable, but to go to a shop is something.

 

The difference is that we feel very uplifted from doing it; she feels the anxiety and is stays with her. She doesn't see that she did it... felt the anxiety.. stayed with it... and survived! This is why she needs help. I give her due praise for what she did, but she just doesn't see the fruits of her efforts, and all the time she doesn't see that, progress will be difficult at best, I am sure you will agree.

 

A stressful day for me, but went better than expected. I was late for a couple of appointments which had the potential for anxiety, but I held it back. I can still feel it stirring, but just do my best to press on and more often than not, I forget about it when I am feeling better. Just got to keep my responsibilities within my grasp and not let them get on top of me.

 

Great to see the social aspect of your anxiety being well and truly under control. I remember last year when you really struggled with this - when you went to the other home and met people down there. This is a truly marvellous thing to recognise, particularly in the face of all that is going on. And so many people!! A big pat on the back for my brother....!

 

I am still sure that the reduction of pills is having an effect on your mental state. I know there has been mental stress as well, but while that is now slowly fading to the background, what you are left with is biological.... which can only be the withdrawal now. Your body has been under a lot of stress, and what with the Lymes, like you say, there is some to be expected. But I really do feel for you with this Lymes. It pains me sometimes to know that you still have some time to go. I feel so powerless. I just wish I could do something for you....

 

GAIL'S CORNER

Apologies - it has been a while since my last Gail's corner. I have a very interesting one. As you know I have been talking about previous life incarnations, but up until very recently, I had only read about it. My friend that I don't often see ran into me close to my parents when I was visiting and I remembered that when we were texting last that her young son was saying some "strange things". So naturally I asked if I could enquire. 

 

It was incredible. He was saying... "my daddy doesn't look anything like my last daddy... before I was Luke". His name now is Luke. He also mentions a place that he visited by neither I nor his mum can quite made out what he is saying. But he repeatedly comes out with the same things. I was so enthralled to hear a REAL child speak of past life. I had shivers down my spine. It is like seeing evidence of Heaven right in front of you.

 

Truly amazing.

 

Right, need to catch up on study that should have been done over the weekend. 

 

Much love brother and sister

 

God Bless

[LDN]

Hey brother! Pleased your day went ok!! Another amazing exposure for your wife!!! Wow!! Please pass on my congratulations again!!! That is amazing news!! She should be so so proud of herself!! I know how hard it is and I am very very impressed!!! Fantastic! 

 

Yeah for sure that is difficult if she can't get any satisfaction from it. All my exposures give me huge amounts of pride, so I have a real incentive to do them! Even if it is just making myself go out for a walk when it scares the hell out of me, I get a massive buzz of facing the fear head on! It treat the exposures or facing psychological fears as if they are a bungee jump or jumping out of a helicopter. I get a rush from it. I get adrenaline from it. So I can see it being difficult, very difficult, if it scary but there is no incentive for facing the fears. I guess ultimately she should see it as an integral part of getting better. Does she want to have more freedom in her life? Does she want to be able to do just do whatever she wants without anxiety holding her back? If yes, which I am sure she does, then she needs to make these little steps. They are an integral, essential part of that recovery process. Rome wasn't build in a day. You can't just go from in the house to doing big exposures. You have to have a plan and be patient and see in all part of bigger picture. So yes I only went to the local shop BUT doing that is a massive part of me be able to do these other things I can't do but want to. I was scared of the going to the shop but I did it, so what does that tell me? I COULD DO IT!!! So these other things that scare me are possible as well!!! 

 

For me ultimately I got myself mentally in a place where I was so fed up being controlled by the anxiety that the will to have freedom was greater than the fear of anxiety. You have put in the hard yards. But it has to come from you. Years ago therapists wanted me to re contact friends but I was not ready, so I didn't do it. Then I eventually got so fed up of that fear that I wanted to face up to it. 

 

Yeah yesterday went well considering the circumstances. I am naturally fine at socialising so it isn't an effort really. But obviously my breakdown affected me hugely and hence the isolation. Then this led to my social anxiety. When I was in Germany in 2016 I used to shake when I spoke to people, because I was so nervous of any conversation. But that was not the true me, now is more what I am really like, or was like before I got ill. 

 

So it is really physical dominated now. Me and therapist have made such huge steps with the anxiety. But ultimately there is a limit to what my body can do. I appreciated your words, but remember I have been ill for 8 1/2 years without a break so I have experience in the bank of getting through long spells of illness. I have experienced so so so much in those years, and I am in a hugely better place now than the majority of that time. Also at least I can read, which is so important for the soul. Plus internal travel is more interesting that external earth travel. Take nothing away from travelling, i love it, but you can't compare it to travelling spiritually. So I can focus on reading and mostly spiritual growth. 

 

My day today was very standard. Slept a lot then little walk at the front, then some time at the back and then siesta. Very weak and very very flat. Just no vitality or endorphins or anything like that. Just a sludge brain. Really de sensitised to any excitements. 

 

Hope tomorrow goes well and what a great Gail Corner. What an amazing experience to meet someone first hand in that situation!! Wow!! Incredible!

 

Love brother! 

 

God Bless!

[LDN]

Hi fishinghat! Thank you so much for all that advice, hugely hugely appreciated. I am so sorry about your situation. I will pray for you. I myself for that last 8 1/2 years haven't been medically in isolation but basically haven't left the house that time, apart a little the last 6 to 8 months for very brief moments. Especially since my lyme in 2013. Basically bed since then! 

 

God Bless!

[LDN]

Gail still very much blown away by your message!!! Just stunning! I have been thinking about it a lot! 

 

I will need to read it and re read over and over again!! 

 

I learn from you so much! You have an incredible soul!!! YOU ARE BURSTING WITH GOD!!! 

 

I LOVE YOU! GOD BLESS!!

[gail]

London,

Your post was full of wisdom. So surprised to see this in a young man. Of course when you do exposures like Mrs Scrat did, and all along with anxiety, I can't see the joy of it. I see the courage and with time, she might find a little pleasure in doing them
.
Coming back to you, bungee and jumping from an airplane, adrenaline through the roof, wow, would you really do this? Getting a buzz to do something you're scared of! Oh la la.
You are blessed after all those years of suffering. I will need to read this again. Such inspiration you are to me London! I am in total awe! Even though it scares the shit out of you, you WANT to do it. You amaze me to the maximum.

Seven years to prepare you for this, well worth it. Your words are as they were coming from a well known therapist, except that they hàve not walked the walk. Textbook talking.

Internal travelling? Explain please. Through your imagination? I envy you my love, and again, you are blessed. Love

Scrat, one of your favorite subject came alive in front of you. You must have been so excited.
I must confess that this subject scares me a bit specially when I'm in a fragile mood, like now. I can't say that I believe in reincarnation but I can't say that I don't.

Eventually, your lovely wife will find a bit of pleasure doing exposures. When you are so full of anxiety, you can't feel any pleasure in anything. What about one cup of special k before the next exposure? She may not found pleasure, but she did it, so that's worth it.
What about the phenebut? Your wife is in my heart. Could we have a surname for her? Lovage

[gail]

LDN
 
You hit on one of my pet subjects. I will try to summarize.
 
1) During a cat scan you usually receive around 500 years worth of iodine and you should force fluids for 48 hours.
 
2) Research shows that between 10 and 28% of those having a cat scan will have effected their thyroid levels (TSH, t3 and t4) BUT do not let a doctor put you on thyroid hormones as that state usually reverses with time (2 to 3 years depending on age).
 
3) Radiation from imaging tests like cat scans, x-rays and such account for about 2% of cancer cases in the USA. This has been deemed an acceptable risk  by the FDA.
 
4) There are two antioxidants that can be taken before an imaging test to minimize the risk of radiation damage. The two choices are 500 mg of vitamin C or 600 mg of NAC. Take one dose the day before the test, one dose 1 hour before the test and one dose the day after the test. This will reduce the negative effects by around 40%. The greatest risk is a lowered white blood cell count which usually takes 2 to 7 years to improve but can take up to 20 years. I am on year 5 and about 2 more years to go before coming out of isolation.
 
5) Low white blood cell count from radiation exposure accounts for around 20% of deaths in the elderly due to colds and flu and soon the coronavirus.
 
I have detailed information on it so if you are curious let me know and I will post it.

Hat, what would be the danger of you coming out of isolation at this moment? And why did this happen to you? Too many scans? Thank you, I look forward to your answers. Love

[fishinghat]

Gail

 

The danger would be catching a cold or the flu which could kill me. It was due to a single cat scan. This reaction to a cat scan is not unusual it is just that most people do not know to check there white blood cell count after a cat scan.

 

LDN

 

My sympathy and prayers as well. A terrible way to live your 'golden years'.  lol

[invalidusername]

Dear both...

 

Long day again for me today - but made it back here all the same!

 

I used to love getting an adrenaline buzz - and funny that you should speak of jumping out of aircraft as I did just that!! I did freefalling from 12,000 ft. You got about 14 seconds or so of freefall before you had to open the parachute, but it was amazing. I did 6 jumps before I stopped, but it was well worth it. I even had a photo taken of me in the air... just to prove that I did it

 

Gailage - the internal travelling is where you go to places in your mind... often in meditation. The places that you cannot travel to. Soe people can reach higher states of consciousness to get to other places... some "astral travel" to visit the Summerland. Not something I know a lot about, but would like to. I think LDN has mentioned this before - a therapist who used to do it? 

 

Reincarnation is a difficult subject to consider sometimes. Whilst I am a firm believer in it, I fully understand that others are not quite sure. That I respect. But there is nothing to be scared of - it will all make sense when you are Home. If we understood it all down here, we would never learn anything.

 

The special K would sure help the anxiety, but it is a case of learning to deal with the situations WHILE having the anxiety - something that LDN and I talk about a lot. But you are right... sometimes, when things are THAT bad, you need something to get you moving again. The phenibut turned out to be too much of a question mark. It seemed to work for a few days on the smaller doses, but then she seemed to become tolerant to this dose. I was sure not going to let her take more than 500mg/day. There is not enough known about it. So it is back to the drawing board on that one...

 

Her surname is obviously mine which you know, but in the interest of confidence, she is very happy with Mrs Scrat - I just asked her! She sends her love to you both and she likes that she has been a part of the forum through me.

 

LDN - I agree with all that you say in that first paragraph. Indeed - Rome wasn't built in a day. I think she has reached a point that she wants things too quickly after not seeing results for so long. I remember that time myself. She does want more freedom in her life - she is always say just that. She says that she is tired of being a "pet wife"... like a cat. Being fed and staying indoors all the time, not earning money etc. I understand the analogy, but what can I do?!

 

"For me ultimately I got myself mentally in a place where I was so fed up being controlled by the anxiety that the will to have freedom was greater than the fear of anxiety."

 

This is a cracking sentence. Such wonderful things come right out of that. There is hope in there. Awesome. And this is what happens. It becomes a "so what if that happens" - just like you were saying not so long ago. It takes some courage to do this, but it is the way forward.

 

It is very difficult for me to visualise just how the last few years have been for you. Something that you will only know when you have been there... just as I feel for brother Hat living his "white cell count sentence". God Bless him. I suppose I am just impatient for you both!

 

Had therapy this morning and it was a really good session, and we had a good laugh in places. I did feel a bit flat during the afternoon, but there is a reason for that which I will explain tomorrow as it will require a lot more of a post to do it!! So, until tomorrow!!

 

Love to you both... lots of it

 

God Bless

[LDN]

Dear Gail! Lovely words! It means a lot to me!!

 

For internal travelling I really mean getting closer to God. If you are always busy how can you feel God? I mean stillness, silence, meditation, prayer. God is all around us but most people don't think like this. They think of God as far away. But for me God is everywhere, all around us in this life. So for me you could travel all the world but if your soul is empty what is the point? For me just being the garden, ok it is not going on a massive adventure, but I open my eyes and ears to God. I can move beyond time. Just me in the present moment. All I care and think of is the now. And the now is beautiful, calm and peaceful. So if the now is peaceful and beautiful then I have no worries. All is well. God wants to help us but we have to be open to him. We need that stillness and silence to be open to him. Just my opinion. But my mystic moments have come in peace and silence and on my own. Because then I can be open to God. So when I say internal travel I mean I want to make my soul stronger not my body. Work on my soul, so I can prepare for the Summerland and be aware of what God purpose for me on earth is. 

 

Also some people who meditate a lot can do this thing IUN mentioned called Astral travel - this is when you leave your body and fly or something like that. At my monastery school, one of the monks could do this. Leave his body and fly through the Abbey I think. 

 

I don't know if i would jump from a plane, but I love the adrenaline from facing fears. My anxiety and depression tells me 'you can't do this', but then I do it!!! So exciting that feeling!! 

 

I love reading you!! I am praying!! 

 

I LOVE YOU! GOD BLESS!

[LDN]

Hey brother! No way you jumped from a plane??? Wow!!!! Where was this? How was it?? That is awesome!! Did you have to do a lot of training? 

 

Really happy the therapy went well!! Delighted to hear that! 

 

Very very weak physically today and mentally very sensory fragile. The withdrawal might be involved somehow but I don't know how. I have been in this very weak state for a long time now. I can see the habitual negative thought patterns triggered by it. But I surrender to God will and let him do what he wants with me. It's out of my control and in God's hands. 

 

So very dry brain here, apologies! Sleeping so much does that! I am getting some serious numbers under my belt sleep wise!!! Hopefully long term that will do me good. 

 

I have therapy tomorrow morning so an earlier start for me! Look forward to talking tomorrow! 

 

Love you brother! 

 

God Bless!

[gail]

Internal travelling! Two different version, I would use it to relax my mind. Seeing myself on a beAch, the sun and water. As I said to relax my overactive mind.

London, I'm not ready for your version yet. Later in time. In spring maybe, where I can sit in a park. It will be easier for me. This is where God and I connect the most. In the 90s, I used to go for an hour walk then the best time was when I went sitting in the park and talk to God.. that was dessert. I can't walk for an hour but 15 minutes to the park is doable.

Now for our Mrs Scrat, so be it. Her name will be Mrs Scrat. I enjoy having her part of us.
Who knows what will come out of it. Love and lovAge.

[gail]

GAIL'S CORNER

this morning was a tough one on anxiety. It's as though I have relived my life, seeing where I went wrong, people that I let hurt me, episodes that I'm not proud of. But with all my regrets, I know that God has forgiven me. I'm not quite responsible for all this.

My young years deprived of security, of love and being touched made me a Target for any men.

After four hours of crying, I love you Gail came out of my lips twice. While in my hot bath, checking my wings that are growing.

The crisis is over. I think of the white light everywhere in by body, I feel better. That used up a lot of my energy. I experimented this to see the source of the anxiety. Did I find it? I was well aware of all this, but crying for hours, not that way. Time will tell.

I'm sorry to make a post that is not amusing, but that's life! Funny and not so funny!

[fishinghat]

No apology needed.

[gail]

Thank you Fishinghat, I needed that. Love.

[invalidusername]

Good evening brother and sisterage....

 

So gailage... as Hat said, never is an apology needed. Sounded like you had a bit of a moment that was needed. I hope that following this you will find some more peace. In the stillness after the crying we can find these times. Through the tunnel and to the other side is where you will find it. We have to live these moments to find what we need... and thank you for sharing.

 

And yes brother LDN... I jumped out of a plane! I did this in Headcorn in the Kentish countryside. There was around 4-5 hours of training. Some people need a second day, but I was OK after the first session. You then have to do a static line jump or two, which is where you jump out of the plane with a line attached to the parachute release pin. When you are 100ft or so from the plane, the cord reaches its length and pulls the chute for you. After that, you fly solo, check on your altimeter which is this watch type thing which tells you how high up you are, then when you reach around 3000ft or so, you pull the cord and steer yourself back to land. 

 

No worries about the dry brain, mine is very similar today, and had another couple of flat hours... but I need to explain what I mentioned yesterday... I did something of a secret exposure... a week long exposure!!

 

For a while I have wanted to get the front and back bumpers of my car wrapped in vinyl to hide all the parking scrapes and to protect it from further issues as the paint cracks so easily when my careless neighbours keep hitting them when they are parking. I knew this would take a lot as it required removing the bumpers, arranging transport and so forth. What scared me was that when I started, I would have no choice but to carry on if I had some bad days. Totally out of my routine and comfort zone.

 

So starting last friday, I removed the bumpers which took a fair bit of time, then saturday arranged transport. Sunday I cleaned everything up ready for the vinyl and realised that my front tyres were almost bald! So on Monday I got the bumpers to the company and then had to Google for good prices for tyres as I was short on change as it was getting the bumpers done. Then tuesday I dropped off the wheels and later in the afternoon picked up the bumpers. Wednesday I re-fitted the back bumper, lights, trim etc, then today re-fitted the front bumper lights etc. Then went to collect tyres, but they had fitted the wrong ones! So had to stay with them to sort the right ones....! All this whilst doing all my clients, shopping and looking after Mrs Scrat.

 

Tomorrow I collect the right tyres and re-fit the wheels and the job will be finished! I cannot believe what I have done... and still stayed strong through it. I thank God for hearing my prayers in helping me. This says a lot of what I can do. Even before this episode this will have tried my stress levels and energy. Sorry I didn't say anything, but like you, I wanted to see it through first and then spill the beans!! So Friday is a very busy work day, but believe me, the weekend will be one long 48 hour rest

 

I haven't had time to do any reading and very little meditation so I am going to break now for that with some special K for support. Get through the next 2 days and then stand back and admire my work!! But I will be joining you in plenty of sleep as well brother, that you can be sure of....

 

Much love to you both... my dear friends.

 

God Bless

[Lovey]

Dearest Gail! My heart reaches out to you. It sounds like we have suffered similar things. To cry for four hours wow! That is some healing right there! Weeping out the poison and the pain! It is so good I think. Exhausting but you will sleep and feel a thousand times better I predict. The hot bath, beautiful self care. I am so happy to hear all of this. I am doing work with God on forgiveness and forgiving my abusers and the ones who failed to come to my rescue and to protect me. Its extremely painful but this morning I felt a physical lightness and reduction in my shoulder pain that i have not felt in years. It is a process, like purifying gold, heating it up, skimming the dross. Over and again. It is definitely a choice and I have intense physical pain in my heart even as I write this. Love to you, and all.

[LDN]

Lovey that was a beautiful message! Thank you for sharing this part of your journey! What you are doing is very brave and it was very brave of you to post about it! 

 

So happy to hear about the physical lightness and reduction in shoulder pain! 

 

I just want to offer lots and lots of love, from someone who has lived with both physical and mental pain for years. I myself am still struggling with my physical situation but my mental pain I am reaching much more peace. It has taken years but my patience has been worth it! 

 

God loves you so much, remember that!! 

 

Again sending all of my love!! 

 

God Bless you!!!

[LDN]

Gail you are just too beautiful a person! You are a real living breathing example of God's love made flesh on earth! You have had some really tough times, so tough, but you never gave up on compassion and kindness! That is an extraordinary thing! 

 

Some people bring with them the light of the God - you are one of them! I can't help but feel such love in my heart when I read your honest and caring and kind posts! So much wisdom!! And such a beautiful beautiful soul!!

 

I am in awe of you! Your COURAGE. Your KINDNESS. Your GENTLENESS. Your BRAVERY. Your DESIRE TO HELP OTHERS. 

 

When you said 'I love you Gail', that was you speaking to yourself but also God speaking directly to you!! 

 

God loves you so so much!!! 

 

Don't have regrets. We are not Jesus, it not for us to be perfect. Nobody is perfect. Life is messy for everybody! But what matters is being kind! Having love in your heart! And you have this so so so much! 

 

You are a child of God, who leaves in pure of awe of such a beautiful soul! 

 

I love you Gail! God Bless!