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Posted 02 January 2020 - 12:12 AM
Hi fishinghat,
I haven't had my Vit D3 checked in the last 3 months. I take it in liposomal form.
I am not sure why I take K2 - it just was just suggested by my lyme doc. The K2 comes with the D3. I take a pipette of the solution, but not sure what dose that is.
https://lipolife.co....-vitamin-d3k2/
This above is what I take.
Sorry I can't be more precise.
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Posted 02 January 2020 - 04:04 AM
Site Admin
Posted 02 January 2020 - 11:15 AM
Hi Gailage...
Thanks again for your words. Today I woke up with very strange anxiety. Not my usual stuff, but very fragile and worried to do anything in case I have symptoms return. The physical stuff is much better, but now I have the depression and anxiety that comes after, just as LDN was talking about last night. I always find that I get something like this soon after the physical effects of things like this happen. I just need to be patient and wait for it to pass and for my confidence to come back.
Tylenol is paracetamol in the UK and I can take this. I have never combined this with anything though. I am finding that Valium does very little for me now. I used to take 2.5gm which worked every time, then I needed 5gm, and now I am on 10gm and even this just about does what I need it to, but it doesn't last long and after what happened last week with the alcohol, I worry about using it again. I really do think I need to change. Normally I will only take 1-2 doses a week, depending on how bad things are, but when I have weeks like last week, I need something that is going to work - and the valium doesn't. I also have a very high tolerance for it. I seem to find that it works less if I take it for 2-3 days...
I suppose I could try adding Paracemtamol and see if that helps. Thanks very much for you help and support my lovely chere..
Much lovage
Site Partners
Posted 02 January 2020 - 05:06 PM
https://lipolife.co....-vitamin-d3k2/
Your dose
Per 1ml pipette serving
Vitamin D3 - derived from Lichens 25mcg / 1000IU 250%
(as cholecalciferol)
Vitamin K2 (as MK-7) 45mcg
Vitamin D3
The main consequence of vitamin D toxicity is a buildup of calcium in your blood (hypercalcemia), which can cause nausea and vomiting, weakness, and frequent urination. Symptoms might progress to bone pain and kidney problems, such as the formation of calcium stones. Mayo
This is unlikely in your case with the lack of sun, especially this time of the year, in your area. Also not likely with your dose and getting routine Vitamin D3 checks.
Vitamin D3 is not involved with the development, metabolism of or treatment of Lyme disease.
Vitamin K2 (as MK-7)
The RDI of vitamin K for adults (US) appears to be 65-80mcg (143-176nmol) daily, which is roughly based upon a required intake of around 0.75-1mcg per kilogram bodyweight and somewhat similar to other recommendations including european (75mcg; 165mcg), the WHO (55-65mcg; 121-143nmol), Belgium (50-70mcg; 110-154nmol), New Zealand and Japan (60-70mcg; 132-154nmol), Germany (60-80mcg; 132-176nmol), and Canada/US/Albania (90-120mcg; 198-264nmol)(most values from here with data from EURRECA)
Like Vitamin D, Vitamin K also effects serum calcium levels which should be monitored every 6 months as well as your Vitamin D4 levels.
Vitamin K2 is mostly associated with positive effects on clotting, insulin production and bone strength. At this dose you should have no issues. When Vitamin K3 does increase in the body it reacts b y increasing urination of that compound.
Vitamin K2 is not involved with the development, metabolism of or treatment of Lyme disease.
I think both of these supplements are just fine.
Site Admin
Posted 02 January 2020 - 06:33 PM
Hey brother...
So the depression has caught up with you... I am sorry to hear this. More practice time for you. Really does sounds like my yesterday. The depression does have a habit of coming about after the physical stuff has moved to one side. At least there is some consistency and we know what it is all about and where it has come from. I often find this happening, but again, as I always say, being able to let it be and let the wave just come over you is another matter all to itself.
I have had a better day. Aside from some very strange anxiety this morning, something just clicked into place around 3pm, and I didn't look back. Just got on with the day, clients, some car stuff and a shopping trip. Just enjoying it hopefully coming back together. Still very very fragile though, like I cannot trust these nicer feelings. All a part of what the last few days bought about. I need to get my confidence back.
Your spiritual side is really on the up here too man. Sounds like you really have got the pieces in the right places. Putting so much faith and trust in your plan is amazing. It is what it is all about, and also about taking the opportunities when they appear to us and making the most of it all. Not forgetting that we all have free will over our plan, which is where a lot of people screw up, but maintaining a focus on the reason for it all means we will stay true to what we set out to achieve whilst we are here.
You did a fantastic job with the message man, as I could see the length before I started reading and having read that first part about being sorry to barely write, it was a job well done for sure! But your focus on what you have achieved over Christmas is a very good place to start - you did what you set out to achieve - and as much as it is a pain for this to have caught up with you, nothing can take away that which you have achieved. You can tell that depression who's boss here!!! It didn't stop you doing that journey, seeing the family, a combined 8 1/2 hours or interaction over such a short period of time. Don't let that go.
So how much longer are you down there for? I hope you have a few more days to put this depression part behind you, and you can leave on a higher note. With regards to the cat, you want to talk to her exactly as you would talk to a friend - they understand. They can pick up on emotions from your tone of voice. You will probably find that she intently listens to you when you speak, and the eyes will say it all. She will get some stuff through and she will know to make the most of what time you have. Cats will never blame you for leaving, they know the score, and they just do everything they can with the time they have with people like you. It is nothing but pleasure for them. She sounds very solitary, so when on her own, she will be thinking how nice it will be when you come back to see her, but not being down for you not being there. But do speak to her on a normal level. Just like any other friend.. and give her a big hug from Uncle IUN!!
Right, time to relax. I am going through a load of samples from Amazon at the moment looking to extend my library. I have about 50 samples to get through at the moment and really enjoying it... will of course let you know what I find...
Much love brother,
God Bless
Like a Family Member
Posted 02 January 2020 - 11:18 PM
Hey man! Generally a better day in regards with depression. When I went on my walk, felt pretty depressed but just let things be and was imaging this was all a trip. Just like with my ketamine trip, a trip can go from bad to good very quickly. Anyway that is what happened with my ketamine trip. I went from it being really terrifying to ecstasy in about a second. So I treat moment of high anxiety or bad depression the same. I tell myself this is just a bad trip and it will be change in a blind of an eye. The key thing is just to go with the flow and just be present. Let it happen. Don't fight against the current. I know this all sound quite hippy, but for me it works!! I picture myself in heaven either asleep or in a drug induced trip. I am using this as a metaphor. Then one day I will wake up from the dream/trip. I have read people who had NDE who speak of a sensation like this. So that is why lucid dreaming is a interesting concept. Knowing in the dream you are dreaming, so knowing I am spiritual and this is just a human experience and I am going to wake up from it. In Buddhism they talk about life as a dream, as i think i mentioned. Also when we are on a drug trip our brain chemistry is changed and we encounter new modes of consciousness. This is exactly what is happening in depression and anxiety as well, our brain equilibrium has changed biologically as thus we enter a new mode of consciousness. I read this book about a Harvard professor in the 60s when they invented LSD. He said it opened his eyes to a new world but it never lasted. So he turned to spirituality and to his day is still going and full of hope and love. Reading his book might have influenced my concept of depression as a trip.
Anyway that probably make absolutely no sense at all LOL!!! Sorry man! In my ketamine treatment I had this huge trip, which the staff, my brother and sister as well, had heard nothing like that before. Then to compare it to the states of my mindfulness and prayer and then to link to it to the depression, it really interests me. Anyway as I say massive apologies for this waffle!! It al comes back to - I am a spiritual being having a human experience - and trying to apply that on a practical level.
I did get a nasty burst of anxiety briefly at the usual time of around 8 pm. That was a bit of a shock, but thankfully it didn't last. It was the 1st time I have been anxious at that time for over a week I think. At the moment everything just feels so weird and absurd.
REALLY happy your day was better!! Fantastic news man!! Clients, shopping and some car stuff - brilliant! Sorry to hear about your morning though, but really encouraging to hear everything just clicked into place at 3! Also you deserve massive credit for how you have handled this situation. I certainly would have potentially in the past found such a situation you had very frustrating and let it really get to me, but you seem to have just been calm and have acceptance. I know the self compassion can be tough but I hope you can really see how well you are handling it all!
The cat was more tired today but tonight she is primal mode. It is like a switch is turned on, she is on the prowl! Really restless and went out in the rain and the dark tonight. Came in soaked. She is definitely looking for a snack LOL!! Amazing at 19 or 20 years old with arthritis and she still has that drive. I gave her some food, so she isn't hungry. Just that instinct she has in on tonight. I was stroking her and she opened her mouth really wide and let out a weird noise. She did this twice. She is definitely in 'hunting mode'. She is such a feral cat, which makes it so nice to get so close with her!! Thanks for your advice as well!!
Again well done for today!!
Love you so much brother!
God Bless!
Site Admin
Posted 03 January 2020 - 06:51 PM
Hey brother...
Glad to hear that the day was generally better. It is truly wonderful how you can let things be. I am really trying to do the same. The problem is, when you say things can change so quickly, my pessimistic viewpoint would say the same about when you are feeling positive!! That you can turn negative so quickly!! LOL.
But I kept reading that bit about going with the flow - this is just what it is all about. Working yourself up will only draw it out longer. Let the wave come over you - don't splash about and fight it.. I especially liked the bit about sleeping in heaven. I had a moment of niceness when I read this. I could imagine myself being up there and understanding about all we are going through down here. I have my house all mapped out in my head and how it is going to be in heaven, so I can visualise the bed, the room, the view, the garden. I have it all planned out.
Is there anything that you can recall about Buddhism reflecting life in a dream? I could search for it on the Internet, but do you remember anything specifically that you could recommend?
I woke up today with the strange anxiety feeling again. Nothing to do with going out or doing stuff... just anything that will bring on more issues - specifically physical. Which is not surprising after what I went through with the crap last week. But that cleared up within a few minutes and I was left with a very flat feeling again which has come and gone all day. It is the coming and going that really gets me. For example now, I am not bad at all - normal I would say. But when I got home around 8pm, I was a bit low. I was fine with one client, again normal, then drove to the next one, and after about 10 minutes with this client I started feeling low. But there was nothing that changed, nothing I was thinking... it just happened. It really bothers me that this happens. I don't like not being able to control it. And the fact that it is so frequent. I do find myself asking... why can't you just stay positive and let me have some relief. The problem is that I cannot relax as I never know when it is going to change again.
Before this mini-dip, I would get the good feeling soon after I woke and then I knew I was set for the day - unless something tragic went on. But now, that feeling can come, but be gone again the next minute for no reason. That mistake last week has really changed something. I guess I just need to let it be... really just look at it like that and it will eventually even out again.
Just like your 8pm burst of anxiety!! Why??! Why then? Why anxiety and not depression?! No rhyme or reason.... again your words are ringing out at me "you have to be calm and have acceptance". I need to up my meditation a notch too and take more moments out in the day. That will help. Just feel some freedom somewhere else other than last thing at night. When I am out and about. I tell this to others and never do it myself!!
Cat sound?! Was it sort of a low level howl? Not low in pitch - normal pitch, but a sort of "Oooooowwwww"? This is a sort of sound of accepting what is going on, but in a moment I am going to need to get on with the task at hand.... and that if you don't stop, I will have to take matters into my own hands.. well, paws! So for her, it was the hunting I expect... They are very courteous like that!!
Anyway - hope to hear some more news of your day to see how we are comparing with this flatness. Prayers continue for us both...
Much love brother,
God Bless
Like a Family Member
Posted 03 January 2020 - 11:45 PM
Hey brother! On the Buddhist dream idea I have read it once or twice in my books on Buddhism, but they didn't say the origins. It was both books on Tibetan Buddhism. So maybe the Tibetan Book of Dead? That is a big book, with lots of ideas on dying. There was a book in the 60s called the Psychedelic Experience that was based on it. The lyrics to the Beatles song Tomorrow Never Knows come from the Tibetan Book of the Dead. When I had my Ketamine treatment I was repeating the opening lines of that song to myself all day to prepare - 'Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream'. I misheard the lyrics and thought it was 'Open your mind, relax and float downstream', but I actually prefer this.
So I woke up and the friend from the village was here, so I threw on some clothes and came down to say hello. He had brought his staffy a few days ago but I was sleeping, so today I thought it would be good to see him. Also yesterday I was thinking 'oh I feel really depressed, I don't feel like seeing anybody', but then I thought that was letting the depression win and get control. So I came down and spent an hour chatting to him. But my word staffy are muscular!! She was jumping up at me and since I am quite frail from my illness I was quite shocked. Her energy levels was insane. Manically licking my hands! When I arrived she jumped up right at me!! I can see how babies get mauled by them, because they just so strong. They mean well and have lovely sweet personalities.
Then went to a walk in the field with my dad, it was pretty dark and we could see Venus! You can see the stars so much better down here, without all the lights of London. I am so obsessed with my mindfulness that when I do a walk with someone else I find it really strange. I just so love having complete silence, stillness and being completely present. Me and my dad were having really interesting conversation but I just so love that time in the fresh air in pure stillness. It has become a key part of my life now. I now I always go on about it LOL, but the field/garden meditation is really my soul nourishment time. It is like re charging my spiritual batteries. I so often have interesting and helpful ideas while in meditation, and you have that sense of unity as well. In being alone you actually feel less alone and more connected. I have read Hermits say this and I can really relate to it. It is crazy how so many people just go through their lives not paying any attention to their spiritual needs, just constantly distracted, when it is our spiritual needs that are the most important.
I loved all those words of yours about the Summerland! That was beautiful!! So nice we can talk about this together! So nice we are spiritually aligned!!
Sorry about those feeling coming and going. I know how difficult that is. For me I think I have reached that point where I have been ill so long i just generally go with it. I think the one advantage of having all the years ill is that you can turn it to a positive and just say 'well I have nothing to loose, I been through this all before'. I've got a PHD in living with depression and anxiety is you like LOL!!! I got those years of experience and now I am really trying to turn that into a positive. Tonight I was doing the washing up and was feeling really tired and then spilled some tomato sauce on me. In the past I would got so upset about it. Yes it is a small thing but I was feeling so tired already and feeling a bit on edge and it just would have tipped the scales. But today I was thinking to my self 'I just can't be bothered to get upset, it happened whatever'. I think the meditation has come in handy but also my experience of getting worked up not helping so why bother. It's all about for me finding new habitual thought patterns. So the habitual thought patterns I had before I was ill don't serve me so well now I am ill, so if I can change how think and react then I can change how I live. Meditation really comes in here, because they say it can change how our brains work. So it is just constantly about re-enforcing these simple messages over and over again until they become the dominant thought patterns. I remember reading the Dalai Lama talking about this. I think I said before it like touch typing, or learning to ride a bike, at first it is such an effort but once you have learned it, you do it without even thinking. This is what I am trying to do with my thoughts. So when something comes up, without even trying my brain will go 'Let it be. Float. Just go with it. Don't fight the current'. It will become my natural state of mind but to get there requires lots of repetition!!!
Hope things can even out a bit brother! I will be praying!
Love you brother!
God Bless!
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Posted 04 January 2020 - 07:34 AM
Site Admin
Posted 04 January 2020 - 06:59 PM
Hey man....
Glad you had more opportunity to see the staffy again! Animals really are great sometimes. You can really get close to them and feel things about them that humans don't respond to. Shame what some people do to them and give Staffies a bad name...
Am a bit tired and weak at the moment so will see how far through a message I get. I felt better when I woke and I had to do some recording for my research today which threw my schedule out a bit. There was a lot involved as where I had to go for recording was a dodgy part of town and I had to leave my car there and walk a while with £1000 worth of audio gear. Nerve-wraking for anyone I would imagine. Then I had to set up the gear and the time I was there was not determined as it depended on how well the guy could do the recording. It took a little over an hour, but I felt so exhausted afterwards, but no anxiety to speak of.
Then I went straight over to see my weekend friend - already exhausted! The whole family were hyper and I just couldn't keep up! So it was almost 4 hours I was out altogether and tried to rest as much as I could but me and the mrs had to do some chores around the flat... so yes, all up, I am shattered!!
Nice that you had the walk with your dad - even if it was a bit odd for you. There will be times that you will look back on these moments though. Reading that reminded me of when I went for walks with my dad when we visited our holiday place in Dorset. My mum and sister stayed in and we went out and looked at the stars just like you. Good times...
I also haven't had the opportunity to re-charge my spiritual batteries today - and it was something I wanted to, but I still have a few hours, so I'm going to dig out a book and relax and unwind. Wow - now my head is going empty! Think it is just trying my best to get by this week after the issues. I do feel they have more or less gone now, but still very vulnerable. So glad it didn't get protracted too much as I often fear it would.
I could talk so much about the Summerland, and it is a good way to start my unwinding, but as I said head is not really doing much at the moment! Oh, but I did send you a link earlier about a petition that is taking off about a "proper" mental health service. It is something that governments have been promising for a long time, so I really hope that this one that someone has started up will have some sort of impact. Coming from someone who clearly knows the problems within the system...
Anyway - let me know how your Saturday went! Any more animal antics?! LOL
Much love brother
God Bless
Like a Family Member
Posted 04 January 2020 - 11:16 PM
Hey man! This have to be pretty short because I have been packing tonight and I am up early tomorrow (well early for me!!) to drive home. Feeling pretty weird at the moment. Still not used to moving between different places and the 2 weeks here have just flown by! I was here for 5 weeks in the summer, so in comparison 2 weeks feels very short. It is just such an effort the packing with all my treatments and supplements and sauna - just so stressful to have to remember everything.
Today I was feeling ok but then the 8pm ish anxiety hit again. I am really confused because since I started taking the C8 MCT oil the anxiety clearly started to improve and then I didn't really feel much anxiety at all from last Thursday to this Tuesday evening. So to go 5 1/2 days without it, for it to come back now is quite difficult. It isn't nearly as strong as it was before I started the CB MCT oil, but having it disappear all together it is frustrating. I just really need some time in relief of this. More than 5 days. Just time to properly relax. I know this a biological issue completely - going back on the C8 MCT oil working shows that. I have a number of options, like increasing the C8 MCT and also stopping the Chlorpromazine. I could without all this to think about. It is a lot of pressure knowing how much rests on my decisions. I got very very lucky I decided to go back on C8 MCT oil since before Christmas. I had 2 of my doctors not suggesting that, but I went with my Lyme doctor and he was right. Shows how much is suck and see with mental health. I had 2 saying stay off more supplements but Lyme doctor saying go back on them!!! Complete opposite advice and all the pressure is them on me to decide who to go with!!! Thankfully with C8 MCT oil I am only on 1 teaspoon at the moment and you can up to 2 table spoons, so it won't be an issue increasing it. Plus it gives you more energy, so it's not a bad thing to have take it. I guess going back on the initial dose of the C8 MCT would have given my brain the energy it needed to reduce the lactic acid that was causing the anxiety. Maybe now it is adjusted to this dose, it wants more energy so the lactic acid is rising again. Plus there is the issue of the Chlorpromazine, which fishinghat has brought up. It is all a bit unstable at the moment for my liking, but since it is a biological glitch it will eventually be sorted out. Just have to float through this phase of sorting things out. Once I am through this it will be such a relief. I thought I was!
Well done on your day man!! 4 hours out is fantastic but sounds completely exhausting!!! I hope you can get some rest in tomorrow!!
Thanks for the petition - thought it was fantastic! I agreed with every word of it and it is completely how I feel about the situation!!
Going to miss the cat man!! We had a lovely romantic cuddle last night. Really lovely. Just us on the sofa together!! I cried twice in the summer when I left her!! The night before and the just as we were leaving!
Love you so much brother!!
God Bless!!
Site Partners
Posted 05 January 2020 - 10:48 AM
Altrient C x 3 a day
Liposomal Vitamin C - Altrient C
RDA
Vitamin C 1000 mg/sachet
Phospholipids from soy Lethicin 1000 mg/sachet
Instructions say to take 1 to 2 sachets per day. You are taking 3 per day for a total of 3,000 mg /day. This can lead to Vitamin C toxicity quite easily which has occurred with several of our members.
The FDA has established a RDA is 75 to 90 mg/day with no more than 2000 mg/day maximum.
Vitamin C may increase tyrosine or decrease tyrosine in the body depending on conditions.
https://examine.com/...ents/vitamin-c/
Large doses of Vitamin C can enhance iron and zinc absorption from supplements and plant foods.
Large doses of Vitamin C will inhibit copper absorption.
Sensitivity to Vitamin C is fairly common with doses of 200 or more mg per day causing heart pounding, cardiac arrhythmias and flushing. Two of our members have experienced that condition.
Kallner A. Influence of vitamin C status on the urinary excretion of catecholamines in stress. Hum Nutr Clin Nutr. (1983)
In otherwise healthy humans with a relatively low intake of dietary vitamin C (did not have scurvy), oral ingestion of vitamin C (3,000mg) has been shown to reduce adrenaline secretion in response to stress without affecting noradrenaline nor dopamine
https://www.ncbi.nlm...les/PMC2649700/
Ascorbate is proposed as a neuromodulator (effects the performance of other neurons) of glutamatergic, dopaminergic, cholinergic and GABAergic transmission and related behaviors.
Liposomal Vitamin C
https://www.ncbi.nlm...pubmed/27375360
The data indicate that oral delivery of 4 g of vitamin C encapsulated in liposomes (1) produces circulating concentrations of vitamin C that are greater than unencapsulated oral but less than intravenous administration
Note - The FDA limits are established based on use of oral unencapsulated Vitamin C. Use of liposomal vitamin C will cause a significant increase in circulation vitamin C greater than expected for a 3000 mg dose of normal vitamin C. Therefore, increasing the odds of vitamin C toxicity.
Vitamin C Toxicity
https://examine.com/...tamin-c/#ref213
Vitamin C is generally thought to be safe, although at higher doses (2,000-6,000mg) may cause diarrhea; this is due to Vitamin C being near completely absorbed at low dietary levels (100mg or so) and progressively experiencing less absorption at doses exceeding 500mg.
There appears to be a rare possibility of nephrotoxicity (kidney toxicity) associated with oral Vitamin C supplementation, which has sometimes been reported to be fatal. In other instances, clinical usage of intravenous Vitamin C has resulted in renal oxalate nephropathy when very large boluses (45-60g) are given which results in development of reversible tubulointerstitial nephritis and possible renal failure. This is a fairly treatable condition carrying a good prognosis if readily treated, but again it can be fatal if left untreated or if treatment is refused.
The above observations are thought to be due to the metabolism of Vitamin C into oxalate (known to occur with superloading), which the (admittedly unreliable) production of excess oxalate and then deposition into kidney tissues is a known cause of renal failure. It has been noted to be a bit more reliably occurring in calcium-kidney stone forming patients.
https://www.ehealthm...d/side-effects/
Most common side effects of high dose Vitamin C.
Deep vein thrombosis (blood clot in a major vein that usually develops in the legs and/or pelvis)
Atrial fibrillation (fibrillation of the muscles of the atria of the heart)
Full blood count decreased
Aggression
Anxiety (increases norepinephrine levels)
flushing or redness of skin
Back pain (kidney areas)
Phospholipids from soy Lethicin
The primary phospholipid components of lecithin are:
⦁ Phosphatidylcholine (PC) (13%-18%) - Antioxidant properties
⦁ Phosphatidylethanolamine (PE) (10%-15%)
https://www.ncbi.nlm...les/PMC5529665/
Phosphatidylethanolamine (PE) is the second most abundant phospholipid in mammalian cells. PE comprises about 15–25% of the total lipid in mammalian cells; it is enriched in the inner leaflet of membranes, and it is especially abundant in the inner mitochondrial membrane. PE has quite remarkable activities: it is a lipid chaperone that assists in the folding of certain membrane proteins, it is required for the activity of several of the respiratory complexes, and it plays a key role in the initiation of autophagy.
⦁ Phosphatidylinositol (PI) (10%-15%)
No significant health effects found.
⦁ Phosphatidic acid (PA) (5%-12%)
Important in the development of cellular membranes.
Do NOT use this product past the expiration date as time and heat can cause it to deteriorate into toxic byproducts.
Summary - I would strongly urge you to decrease this dosage to 2 sachets per day.
Site Admin
Posted 05 January 2020 - 06:24 PM
Hey brother...
So that answered the "how long are you down there" question! I know how stressed you find the packing, and how the journey can be a point of anxiety, so I thought a well timed text would help a little. Think you have just replied actually as the phone just flashed. People have it tough remembering just clothes and so forth before a journey so I can understand the stress. It is the same for my parent because of my dad's Parkinson's. He has so many pills to take at different times of the day and he can't forget any of them. So they count the all out, put them in daily containers etc. It is a mammoth task so you have my sympathy man.
Sorry to hear about the returning anxiety. It is exactly what I was talking about yesterday!! When and why! What is going on?! I can go along with it all for the most part but we need that time when we can just stop and know that we are free from any impending doom just for a while! But I guess if we knew we have 4 free hours, we would then just be worrying about when that fourth hour is over!! LOL.
But all joking aside, this is what I am on about. In order to get some confidence restored, I need to have some time out for my brain. I am sort of relaxed, but not completely as, like you, I can never be sure.
I also had a look at the C8 MCT and found it was mainly used for energy/diet purposes, and I was trying to find where it would help with anxiety, but there is not a lot out there about it. So I am guessing it is something quite significant to your neuro-makeup that is making it work in that way. Others say that too much actually makes them anxious. I am looking for something that would just take that edge off the mornings when I wake from my anxious dreams. Today was one of those. I had some pretty horrific dreams and the worst part is that I can act out on them in my sleep - just like you have done before. I was dreaming that someone was trying to break into the flat and I was standing by the door and waiting for him to break in... then when he did I lunged for him and grabbed him by the throat.... and then I came to... with my hands around the wife's neck!! Serious man - I was trying to strangle her....!!
Needless to say, this scared the sh*t out of her and then couldn't get back to sleep. I have been feeling so guilty all day about it. But it is still this unexplained anxiety going on. Will have to hope that it passes in time. Maybe I could speak about it in therapy, but I can't go on trying to throttle the mrs every time this happens....!
So I guess it was pretty much preparing for and doing the journey today? Was there any service stations involved? Did you get to see the beloved furball prior to departure?
I have been catching up on a bit of work today and doing some car work (indoors!!), but getting a bit of cabin fever. It only takes one day of being inside. Maybe I should have gone for a walk, but I lost myself in tasks, which isn't a bad thing. As I said, it is the first time in the morning. If I can sort that out, I would be very happy. The bits here and there I can work with as I said, and hopefully as I learn to just let them be, they will bother me less and less. We need to remember that everyone has these moments - evn anxious and depressed moments. It is part of life - it is just we recognise it a lot more because we know it so damn well! But just yesterday my mum said she was feeling down all day - she didn't know why - just was. The difference being is that she knew she would sleep it off and that would be it... if only 
Right time for some light reading to wind down and read your text if it was you...
Much love brother and welcome home!! Well, the other home!
God Bless
Like a Family Member
Posted 05 January 2020 - 11:45 PM
Hey man! Thanks so much for your message!! Had just woken up from my anxiety riddled siesta and was a nice comfort in a uncomfortable state!
Last night after I posted I got hit by some severe anxiety just as i was getting ready for bed. Probably a combination of feeling weird to be leaving and the biological issues. I was scared out of my mind to be honest, felt terrifying. But I just kept being present, which I know sounds weird LOL!! Why would I want to be present in feeling so scared!!! But I am not running away from my feelings anymore. I had years and years of them controlling me and me running and running and it didn't work. Now I embrace it. I walk into the fire. I say ok fear come on in. The thing even though it is paradoxical, if you don't run and just let it come onto you it has much less effect on you. It still isn't easy but you don't have that panic. I stay calmer. Once I got into bed I felt better and basically fell asleep straight away. So being present with the intense fear worked as I was able to move on from it.
Then woke and finished the rest of the packing. The cat came into my room as I was packing and was meowing and meowing that was a bit sad. But it was nice of her to make such an effort to say goodbye. Then when I had finished packing, I found her and gave her one last rub and cuddle. Like with your dad, it so much effort. All my meds, all the supplements, the sauna, my foot salts, back cushions. I can't forget any of them. It is a lot of pressure.
The cat often runs off as we pack as I think she finds it a bit too much for her. So just as we were leaving I didn't know where she was. Then we left and for the 1st 20/30 minutes I was feeling very depressed. It was really rough to be honest. Just felt very weird and missing the cat. I am still not used to moving between places so my head was like 'whoa what's going on'. Sad to be leaving the country. In the summer I was down for 5 weeks, so 2 weeks felt so short! But my dad has work tomorrow. I was welling up a bit thinking about the cat but as the journey went on I felt better and better, which was a nice surprise. I actually over all found the journey pretty good, so that is 2 good journeys now. Much better than the summer journeys. Normally it is horrific but these last 2 have been much easier. It was just me and my dad, as my mum and sister are on holiday and my brother was in London. Got back and felt a bit of anti-climax but was nice to see my brother and unpacked feeling a bit flat.
Then just before 8pm the anxiety hit again!! 3 out of the last 4 days now at that time!! After 5 1/2 days anxiety free!!! This was a really heavy one. My sympathetic nervous system was going hard. Felt hot, nerves tingling in my spine and shoulders and neck, high heart rate. I woke as I said not feeling good and then the anxiety came back a bit for a hour or two this evening around my supper. Those 5 days made me really think I might be out of the woods, but it's back. I know it is completely a biological glitch, but it's just another thing to sort out! Puts a lot of pressure on my decisions as I mentioned as I have such conflicting advice.
The reason my Lyme doctor suggested going back on the C8 MCT is that once I started taking it my brain was used to the energy it gave, so without I was creating lactic acid to compensate. Lactic acid in the brain is thought to cause anxiety and panic conditions. Also the Chlorpromazine blocks my electron transport chain, that process my supplements, so leads to creating lactic acid to compensate. That is probably very badly described, so I apologise!! I am just going off what he told me! But what I can say is going back on the lowest dose of the C8 MCT make a bid difference. Literally within hours I could feel my anxiety reducing. Within about 6 days the anxiety had stopped and I then went 5 1/2 days without it. But since Tuesday it has started again and since Thursday at the usual slot of 8pm! The positive thing is that my Lyme doctor was right that going back on the C8 MCT would help the anxiety, which was the opposite of what all my other doctors told me!! It made a real difference as I said, so it just about getting to the bottom of this glitch. I said to my Lyme doctor when we last spoke I don't want to kick the can down the road with just extra drugs but get to the bottom of what is going on and it seems like he has an idea.
Sorry about that dream man. I used to have a lot of dreams very related to my depression and anxiety. For me it did go, so I think the same should happen with you. Still I am really sorry you are having to go through this! Also well done with the getting lost doing the tasks that is a great thing to happen!
I hope the cat is doing ok. That house is her joint and as I say she won't even come to the vet 5 mins away in the car. She is stable there and she is pretty solitary. She did spent 6 months outside when we first moved in!! She is old though, which is what worries me. Though she is doing well for her age. On Friday night we got so close and I held her to me so tight! I will miss those hugs and cuddles! The good thing is, it gives me a massive incentive to go back!
Love you brother!!
God Bless!!
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Posted 06 January 2020 - 02:56 PM
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Posted 06 January 2020 - 03:52 PM
Absolutely - a very fitting couple of verses - many thanks Gailage. For those without a Bible to hand;
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."
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Posted 06 January 2020 - 06:47 PM
Hey man...
First proper full day back at work after Christmas... it really has taken it out of me. But I made it! Clocked up 5 hours which included a shopping trip, and then a bit more car work when I got home. I should sleep well tonight. But I have been sleeping for 9 hours minimum for the last three nights - no idea what is going on there. I guess my body is taking what it needs.
That anxiety of yours sounds really tough brother. As I have said before, it is the biological stuff that worries me as the circumstantial you can control to an extent as it usually passes once the situation has passed, but when there is no "situation" you have no control and that has always been my problem. I would love to be able to help more about a means to clarify what is going on, but you already have some amazing minds working on it, and if they differ in opinion, then what else can be done!
The being present is how to be, but like you say, so paradoxical which is why so many people find it difficult, or plain just don't do it at all. This is the very essence of Claire Weekes' work which went most of the way to getting my anxiety out of the way. You have to feel it if you are to cure it.. she says. If you are too scared to feel it, then it will always have the hold over you. You take the fear and just let it happen - what's the worst it can do? That is what you have to justify in your mind. But man is it tough going.
So making sure I have it right - you went back on the C8 and within a few days the anxiety had as good as gone, and then you have been 5 1/2 days without it again and it has come back? So you were doing a little experiment with it? Best idea in my opinion - obviously being a scientist! So are you back on it again now? The lactic acid part makes perfect sense. I understand that theory, but not the neurology behind it. Out of my area completely!
So other than work starting up today, I woke and had what I would imagine most people have after a holiday. I just didn't want to gt out of bed knowing I had to do work and shopping. But there was nothing I could do. It had to be done. Oddly enough I had around 20 minutes of euphoria around 3pm out of nowhere, but then it crashed a bit as it was time to go to work. I just let the flatness be knowing it was largely due to starting work flat out again, but then I was still very weak and exhausted the moment I left the house. This carried on all through work and as I was dragging myself around Tesco. I just felt I was going to have to curl up in the bakery aisle and have a sleep for a bit...
The cat will be fine man - I hope you had a good conversation with her before you left - she will have appreciated that very much. You will really miss those cuddles I know, but they are there whenever you want them. Just one weekend when you feel right you can nip down with your day and get a few hours in! She'll be there waiting for you. And from my experience, part-feral and cats that are outside a lot tend to outlive most others as they have built up tolerance to bacteria and infection. That is unless you are like my neighbour whose cats are treated like queens! They are both 18 and they are still like kittens. We can hear them running about through the ceiling and jumping off the furniture! They have the best everything - they want for nothing! Goodness knows how much she pays out for them
Look forward to hearing from you and hope the anxiety was a bit better for you today.
Much love dear brother
God Bless
Like a Family Member
Posted 06 January 2020 - 10:55 PM
Hey brother! So firstly to clear up about the C8 MCT. I went back on it, the anxiety was improving and then I went 5 1/2 without any anxiety at all! I didn't stop the C8 MCT, I stayed on it. Then since last Tuesday the anxiety has slowly been coming back!! Just as I thought I had it dealt with! I am on the lowest possible dose of the C8 MCT, so maybe it is my body adjusted over the last two weeks to the dosage and I need to go up. Today I increased the dose.
But I left my measuring spoons in the country!! So annoying! One teaspoon can vary A LOT in size!! The one I am using in London seems much smaller, so I am questioning how much more I need to add to compensate! A bit of a nightmare!! This is the pressure of packing!! My dad will get it on the weekend so I will have it back on next Monday, right now that seems ages!!
Today I woke up anxious for the 1st time in a long while. That is never nice but I got dressed and then went out on a 15 minute walk, which I actually enjoyed. Then when I got back I went to garden meditation. At first it was tough. I was thinking to myself I just walking around in a small garden, this is boring. Compared to the countryside it was very uninteresting. But I persevered and soon I was in a nice flow. Completely lost any sense of time and even really sensation in my body. At first I was thinking 'my legs hurt', but once I got in a nice flow, I didn't notice any physical sensations at all. It was like my soul had just jumped out of my shell for breather!! It was so refreshing and beautiful. I didn't euphoric or ecstatic but just being in that place outside of time is amazing. Then I was thinking to myself how long have I been out here for, bearing in mind the first 5 minutes were tough. I thought 20 minutes, then thought no more like 30 minutes, I really had no idea! So I had a look 52 minutes!!! I couldn't believe it!! Who would have thought that just walking to the wall and back in small garden could be such an incredible experience!!! On paper it sounds so boring, but it leads me to some of happiest moments I have had.
By the time I had come in it had been 55 minutes plus the walk at the front of 15 minutes, so 1 hour and 10 minutes out today! Physically for me that is really big!!
Then I woke from my siesta and anxiety was back and right now I feel fairly uncomfortable. But I am trying just to focus on God's plan for me and let go and trust him. The worst bit for me is almost not the anxiety, but the pressure on my shoulders in terms what decision to take. As I say I have contrasting advice, so the pressure is all on my shoulders. Thankfully I got it right before Christmas with going back on the C8 MCT but having these constant decisions and having to think about it so much is so draining and stressful. But ultimately I am trying my best and that is all I can do. As I say what is out of my control, I leave to God. In this life I can't be superhuman and read the future so will get things wrong, that is part of life.
Really really happy and impressed you did so well today man!! 5 hours out is fantastic! A big well done!! But I can imagine you must be knackered! Really proud of you brother!! Getting in a shop as well, brilliant stuff!! My sleep varies a lot. It is just about listening to your body and what it needs. It will be doing you so much good getting all that sleep!
Wonderful to hear about that euphoria!! I love those little pockets of heaven!!! They give us a little taste of what is to come!! I cherish those moments! They fill me with such joy and excitement for the future!! So happy you got to feel that!! I get little seconds or even half seconds here and there of absolute bliss and it blows my mind!! Even just half a second is enough to get you feeling excited and see beyond the earthly to the joy beyond! Getting excited just thinking about those moments!!
Love you so much brother
God Bless
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Posted 07 January 2020 - 09:10 AM
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Posted 07 January 2020 - 12:39 PM
Hi Scrat and London,
Those little moments are a gift of God. Cherish them. It's been so long since I've had them. For me, they most occur outside in nature and when I'm by myself. The other day you went out with your father up the hill, you'd have preferred to be alone to live those moments again, I understand this.
I loved your posts, thank you, glad to see you back London!
Indeed they are... how I wish for more of them!! Seeing my orbs again would be amazing...
Site Admin
Posted 07 January 2020 - 06:28 PM
Hey brother...
I was getting really confused about these spoons! I now realise that you have a proper measuring spoon, and there was me thinking you had a normal teaspoon with other spoons at random sizes that you use for different supplements!! I didn't sleep well, so I can blame that!!
So we are not sure where this anxiety has come back from... I will be interested to see how the increased dose goes - please keep me updated. So very strange and you have my every sympathy with the decisions being on your shoulders. I was imagining what it must be like for you after reading that, and it would drive me stir crazy. You shouldn't have this responsibility. It just shows how little we actually know about the brain when some of the brightest medical doctors are hypothesising over something like this. Man... I really want this cleared up for you. Prayers are all I can offer, so they of course continue daily for you.
So the reason I didn't sleep well was not a good one. All the noise that has been going on with the building next door which I mentioned to you some time ago, is finally wrapping up and there has been very little disturbance as they prepare to go to market with the new flats. However, I woke up to the most awful drilling sound coming straight up the wall. I later found out that some builder has bought the upper ground floor flat and is gutting it completely and refurbishing including wall partitions, floor boards - the whole nine yards. So after 18 months of noise finally stops, this arse comes along. I was almost in tears this morning as I lay there trying to sleep. I was so miserable. 8am it started, so just over 3 hours sleep. Plugs done help as it is sub-bass which is heard through the bones in the body - nothing can stop it sound coming through so I was too shattered to move, so I just lay there for another 5 hours going mad. I do worry for how long this will go on. I am planning on speaking to the guy tomorrow. I really worry what this will do to my progress. The wife has gone round the twist as she doesn't leave the flat - at least I get out to work and do the shopping.
Some awesome news about the meditation man! That is truly astonishing. That is more that you have done in a long time. In fact I can't remember the last time more than an hour was mentioned. Just shows how far you have come with it. Huge congrats. I often do not realise when I am meditating, but that is laying down, so not quite the same! From what I have read about meditative walking, it isn't the distance available as much as it is the concentration on the walking itself. You could go round in a circle, but then I think you could get a bit dizzy!!
Rest of my day went quite well apart from feeling shattered still. Something going on with my stomach which I think might be a mild flu or bug that I hope will pass in a day or two. Last thing I want is antibiotics. Not a chance! Left the flat around 3.15 and home around 9.20... over 6 hours!! I admit I was chatting with a client for a bit at last job, but still work in my book. So am very tired considering the arse downstairs keeping me awake. Only two clients tomorrow which may be a good thing depending on whether I have some peace. I have some work to do from home, but that will be impossible if there is too much noise. I just want an easy life man - is that too much to ask?!
Right - time to relax. Book, meditation or music. Not sure...
Hope today was well for you - much love brother
God Bless
Like a Family Member
Posted 07 January 2020 - 09:17 PM
Hi fishinghat! I take 1 550mg tablet a day of curcumin.
Like a Family Member
Posted 07 January 2020 - 09:49 PM
Hey brother! Firstly I am so sorry to hear about the building work. That was so horrible to read. I know what it is like because the neighbours completely re did the house and also installed a basement. My bedroom faced onto their garden, right where they were doing all the drilling and where all the builders converged. When I opened my curtains, they literally builders a few metres away. Plus they played the radio!! Also all that drilling of the ground to make the basement. It shakes the ground, it is like a mini earthquake. The level of pollution was horrific. Couldn't open my windows for months. All the dust coating my windows. It was basically like having a bedroom on a building site. What is the obsession with building works right now? I mean in London every other house seems to be having work done!! I feel so so much for you man! I wish I could do something to help!
So last night the anxiety continued, but I did managed to fit some music in, which is rare for me, so that was positive. Then I woke to anxiety again, 2 days in a row now. But again I dealt with it well, go up and went out for a walk. Managed a 17 minute walk, and that went well. Already I have twice now gone further on my outside walks than pretty much all of November when I was in that mental and physical dip. Then after the walk, i went into the garden again. And again I lost track of time and when I came in it had been 51 minutes! So 1 hour and 8 minutes in total! I had planned to go into the garden today for maybe 15 minutes after such a long session yesterday but managed to back to back 50 minute sessions!! My garden meditation is quite focussed meditation. So I will normally be contemplating on a problem and let it rest and just take it in and see if I can come up with solutions. Today as I was walking I was thinking of what you wrote to me yesterday about Claire Weekes' idea of feeling it. That really resonated with me because that is very much my mindful approach. So I was really saying to myself 'just feel this, fully feel it'. So thanks so much for sharing that man! My walks in the street are more mindful orientated in that I am very aware of my surroundings and taking everything in, whereas in the garden it gets more intensely focussed at times as I mentioned.
I had some more anxiety when I woke from my siesta and that was a bit draining. But to be fair when I came from my garden meditation I thought to myself that minus the anxiety, things are going really well. 2 days of over an hour outside in a row, a good journey back from the country. I would have thought the anxiety would be making me exhausted but so far my energy feels good.
Really proud to read you were out for over 6 hours!! WOW!! After the night you had as well!! That is fantastic brother!! Always feeling inspired by you!!
An easier life, oh I know man, how often I think that. But in the end what really matters is what is to come! Think about that!! Today I was thinking about the joy to come and I just felt so so excited!! Those little pockets of heaven we get are so wonderful, so imagine that for not just a few minutes!! The thought of that peace and bliss and joy to come is so amazing!! Once we are there - everything will make sense and all will be well!! I am so excited for us brother!!
Thanks for your prayers brother and I am praying for as well!! I hope you managed some good relaxation this evening!
I love you so much brother!!
God Bless!!
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Posted 08 January 2020 - 10:28 AM
D Ribose x 3 half a table spoon
Helpful in maintaining ATP (energy) levels as well as energy stores.
D-ribose side effects are typically mild and gastrointestinal in nature. The risk of side effects increases with larger doses and may go away as your body gets used to the supplement. D-ribose may cause bloating, abdominal discomfort, loose stool and nausea, according to a review published in the July 2007 issue of the Current Sports Medicine Reports. Reduce your intake, or discontinue use if these symptoms become bothersome or don't go away with continued use. Livestrong with references.
I see no issue with this unless you are diabetic.
Proflora 5 x 2 a day
5 Varieties of probiotic strains.
Should not be an issue.
Curcumin x 1 a day
550 mg
Your dosage is low and unless you develop associated heartburn issues should not be a problem.
Curcumin is the main active ingredient in the spice turmeric. It readily crosses the blood-brain barrier where it boosts levels of dopamine. Curcumin has been found to be as effective for treating depression as the popular antidepressant Prozac. When buying a curcumin supplement look for one that contains piperine, a compound found in black pepper that increases curcumin absorption by a remarkable 2,000%.
Side effects - Turmeric isn't approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to treat any diseases, and taking turmeric supplements can cause unpleasant or dangerous side effects. The most common gastrointestinal side effects are stomachache, gas, nausea and indigestion and taking turmeric for long periods can cause ulcers in some people due to increasing stomach acid.
The curcumin in turmeric encourages the gallbladder to produce more bile, which may improve digestion. Because of the extra bile production, people who have gallstones or other conditions that block bile passages shouldn't take turmeric before consulting with their doctors. Turmeric may also contribute to the formation of kidney stones, particularly in people who have conditions that increase the risk of kidney stones.
Pregnant women shouldn't take turmeric as a supplement. According to MedlinePlus, the curcumin can stimulate the uterus or encourage the uterine lining to shed, which could increase the risk of miscarriage.
Because turmeric can increase stomach acid, it can interfere with the efficacy of drugs that reduce acid, such as acid reflux medications. The spice can also increase the effectiveness of some drugs, including blood thinners and diabetes medications. Taking turmeric with blood thinners can increase the risk of bleeding. This includes taking it with other herbs that act as blood thinners, including ginger, garlic, clove, ginseng and willow. Diabetics who take medication to help lower their blood sugar levels shouldn't take turmeric because it can drop blood sugar to potentially dangerous levels.
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