2348 replies to this topic

[invalidusername]

Hi London,

 

Good to hear from you, thank you for your wishes and I think Gail has said some very lovely words here to help. I really feel for you. As you know, my physical symptoms have been playing havoc, so I am in a similar phase of trying to keep positive energy up as best I can, but this of course takes so much out of us!!

 

What you are doing with your anxiety is a great step forward. Getting that first bit under your belt is a really good place to be. Just remember, maintaining this is just fine, do not push yourself at the moment. Like you say, this is all part of getting wound up about the future. I know with so much history behind us that it is almost impossible to start predicting what will come - it is. And worse yet, I was on cloud nine from yesterday afternoon and had all these plans for today, but have woken to feeling bloody horrible. Bit of a crash and it really stings. Sure it will pass, but I am just so damn tired of not controlling this and being at the mercy of my brain. A case of enjoy it while you can. 

 

However, Ketamine has got some solid write-ups and I would be fairly confident in it helping you. You will at least know whether it will work straight off. None of this waiting for 8 weeks. You will have results within minutes. All being well, these results will last anything from 3 to 10 days! i am very interested in this as a treatment option, so please keep us posted.

 

Regarding the spirituality, this can be very personal. I have seen, been part of, and read so much on many different aspects of religion. Now that I have a firm base on my beliefs, I have a very keen interest in the afterlife and thes reasons for us being here, and our choices and objective in these matters. With the evidence that is played out for those willing to open their eyes to it, I have no doubt in my mind that the afterlife is every bit there as you and I having this conversation right now. The way I arrive at this is by many means including, among my own personal belief and faith, reincarnation, near-death phenomena and other means of contact. There is so much to read between the lines, and so many proverbial bad apples out there making a quick buck and preying on the emotionally distraught. The true accounts need to be found and seen for what they really mean.

 

More than happy to guide you to some literature - please let me know what it is that interests you...?

[invalidusername]

Let me give you just one example. 

 

Some years ago, a number of members from my parents church journeyed to Russia in an old minibus to deliver bibles to those of whom the word was punishable. They were risking a lot by doing so, but felt it was their calling. 

 

They ended up getting lost a few miles from where they should be, and going round in circles would quite easily attract attention. They couldn't stop and ask authorities for help of course. It was soon after that they saw someone standing by the side of the road hitching for a ride. They pulled over and let the man in. 

 

He seemed to be aware of what was going on. He guided them to where they needed to go, and his last directions were to keep going straight until their reached their destination. Everyone in the van witnessed what then happened when they pulled over and turned to thank the man - he was no longer in the van. He had gone.

[TryinginFL]

Amazing!

 

 

Thanks for sharing, IUN   

[invalidusername]

It is one of those stories that I don't often tell because it defies all logic. But the baptist minister and 7 other congregation members could not have been wrong. The minibus did not stop and the man could not have jumped out! There is a new member at the church who walked in a few weeks ago - an atheist turned believer after he crashed his motorbike and had a near death experience. I know this can often happen when someone almost dies, but his account is quite compelling.

[gail]

Beautiful! Thanks Scrat. I have no more likes. I loved your story.

[invalidusername]

No problem Gailage - hope your day going well...

[LDN]

Great words Gail and IUN! 

 

'Being at the mercy of my brain' yes to this! I feel like my brain is being played by a puppeteer! Sorry about your crash, I know that frustration so well. I have to stop myself blaming myself, as if it was my fault!

 

That story is incredible. Thanks for sharing. I feel I am on a very similar wave length to you spiritually. I read this book called Proof of Heaven by an atheist brain surgeon who had a near death experience and now is a changed person. There is no medical explication for what happened to him. Since then I became very curious. I've read a few other books by the same author. Like you I'm convinced of an afterlife, but at times struggle with understanding why I must suffer. I do have a sense that I may have had a choice about the path of my life, before it began. I know that might sound crazy! But it was inspired by another book of a near-death experience. I guess it's about applying this new faith I have into internal belief and trust in God. I just find I'm always comparing myself to others you know? It's a brain pattern I'm a bit stuck in at the moment! 

 

Any particular books you would suggest IUN - I'm totally open to all the things you've mentioned. Have you read Raymond Moody the doctor who first studied near death experience? 

 

By the way how amazing that just as I become interested in this, I find fellow souls on the same page. When I talk to others about this, they often haven't really thought about it. A bit like what I was like a few years ago. 

 

Peace!

[LDN]

Gail also thanks again for the 'The hidden grace of pain and suffering'. I read over and over again in difficult situations. It touches me deep down. I can't really explain. I have it by my bed!

 

'There's a bigger picture that you will see one day' I have to keep telling myself this!!

[invalidusername]

Hi LDN,

 

Glad you spoke up about the whole spirituality, and first off, I regret to inform you that Eben Alexander who write the book you read was outed as a fraud. He cashed in on other people experiences to make a quick buck. However, there are plenty of other circumstances where similar things have happened that are as yet, unknown. I would suggest The Wisdom of Near Death Experiences by Dr Sartori - this volume mixes method with science and is aproached from an entirely neutral standpoint assuming nothing. Another good start is The Children that Time Forgot by Peter and Mary Harrison. Some fascinating accounts there. I'd steer clear of the "psychics" in general. Whilst there are some lovely stories out there, again, there is too much to consider the validity. Sylvia Browne for example - predictions were wildly inaccurate, debunked a few too many times on live TV. It's all commercial. The old school crowd are worthwhile looking into though, Elsa Barker, Helen Greaves, Ken Akehurst and of course Raymond Moody who you have already found.

[gail]

Gail also thanks again for the 'The hidden grace of pain and suffering'. I read over and over again in difficult situations. It touches me deep down. I can't really explain. I have it by my bed!
 
'There's a bigger picture that you will see one day' I have to keep telling myself this!!

Same here London, I have it on my desk, and when in painful times, my eyes go straight there.

[LDN]

Oh well now I feel like an idiot at being duped!! Such a pity. I had seen some rumours but didn't realise it was anything substantial. I'll learn to do more research next time. Silly me!

 

Thanks for the other suggestions. I will look into those. Varieties of Religious Experience by William James is interesting from what I have read so far, and also Mysticism by Happold is good. 

 

Having a bad day will this skull crunching depression. I feel like screaming. Or just collapsing with into a ball of my own inadequacy. How can you keep positive when feeling like this? 

 

What is the purpose of this suffering?

 

Sorry for this low post. Just feel so dark right now. 

 

Peace

[invalidusername]

Don't feel duped... it is what people do with books like this. You are one of many many others who bought it and felt the same way. But if it brings people into finding spiritual ways forward, then it has done a good thing.

 

The suffering is tough for sure, and I will be honest in saying that I am feeling something similar. The last few weeks have been so painful for me. Every day is a new physical symptom. I struggle through work and crash when I get home with a wife who is also suffering social anxiety and depression. I have today decided to go back to Citalopram which never gave me any physical symptoms other than those associated with bad anxiety. But yesterday at work I was feeling quite well and then out of nowhere I had an onset of dizziness. I felt awful struggling to work, but managed. Ever day something comes up and I have had enough. I feel for you.

 

Sometimes the purpose of the suffering is something we will not know, even until we pass over to the greener pastures. But man, are there some tough times. There seems to be a wave going through the forum at the moment! We all need to stick together and help each other....

[gail]

London,

What is the purpose of suffering? I've asked myself and searched for answers for years.

If suffering meant that we are saving someone, that can go. But, I have no answers to that. What brings me relief is the hidden grace of suffering.

Maybe Fishinghat would have an answer to that.

[ForLyla]

There has to be a reason for this, doesn't there? It's without a doubt that personal growth comes from suffering but does it help the world?

[fishinghat]

According to the Bible tribulations teaches us patience, humility and compassion. If you have ever meet someone who has had an easy life they are usually spoiled and have little to no compassion. God also allows us to suffer so He can use us to help others. Survivors of Cymbalta withdrawal, illegal drug use, cancer, etc often make the best counselors for others that who are suffering from the same burden.

[invalidusername]

True enough - the most compassionate people you will ever come across are those like ourselves who have had it tough. There are however, times when you feel you have paid those dues. I frequently pray in saying that I want to be out there as my old self and being able to do more, but in present states I am unable. It does frustrate me. This is where the patience comes in. It has never been my strong suit.

 

However, to take one example. If I had not suffered with Cymbalta, I would never have found the forum. I never would have found Gail, Hat, Liz, Kathy... and so many more. This certainly was grace within suffering.

[LDN]

Wow this forum is an amazing place! It helps me so much to know I'm not alone. When in depression I really feel the only one facing it, and bursting that myth is so important. This forum helps so much with that. Fishinghat thanks for bringing up the bible, I have found it has such wisdom on suffering. This below from Paul (2 Corinthians) is very powerful to me - 

 

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. 10That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.…

 

Also of course Jesus in the Beatitudes (Mathew) - 

 

³“Blessed are the poor in spirit,

    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.

 

I just wanted to share those 2 passages as the help me a lot. I'm sure you know them but there is no harm is posting them. 

 

Also it is important to remember Jesus himself suffered so much. So I think suffering might help bring us closer to Jesus. As IUN says one day everything will make sense. 

 

All of you are so strong and I use you as an inspiration. In tough moments I think 'I can get through' knowing others have. 

 

IUN - I feel for you right now! I'm praying! Bless you and your wife! I'm here for you my friend! We're in it together!

 

I don't socialise much, but met my sister's boyfriend tonight and got on really well. I really didn't feel like seeing someone but it gave me so much confidence that I could come through it. It just shows were stronger than we think. 

 

Thanks to all IUN, fishinghat, gail and Forlyla! I get really strength from you!

 

God Bless

[fishinghat]

Beautiful

[gail]

Thank you London,

This can be repeated and repeated, it is always fresh, and good to read.
We should have a special place in the forum for such writings, a balm for the soul.

But again, we are not all believers, this forum is for everyone, believers or not!

As Fishinghat said, beautiful!

[invalidusername]

London - thanks ever so for sharing. The first passage in particular spoke to me. 

 

As for meeting someone new, this is a really good step. Make sure you give yourself due credit for this and don't push too hard. Hold on to these victories and move forward at your own pace. I can very easily get frustrated with how much difference an hour here or an hour there can make. Sometimes there is no consistency to our recovery, and it is during these times that we need to remember not to judge ourselves too harshly. 

 

Again, thanks for that lovely post - you are also in my prayers dear friend.

[LDN]

IUN how are you feeling? I hope a bit better than a few days ago. 

 

The depersonalisation came back today. I was seeing my physiatrist and just lost all connection to the situation. When the depersonalisation hits it just so lonely. It like being on a planet all on your own. I had a better weekend but the depression has come back now. I'm just sleepwalking through the day.  It's tough when your hurting like this. I would love a break from the pain. 

 

Got to just keep going!

 

Peace

[invalidusername]

Very kind of you to ask dear friend. I am indeed going along with your advice there - just keeping going. Since stopping the Lexapro and up'ing my Citalopram, the dizziness and fatigue has been quite tough, but I just keep telling myself it is the medication. But like you say, you feel very lonely as no-one can understand just from looking at you. 

 

That said, I am still finding positive energy from somewhere. I do feel that I can weather this storm - I just need to learn patience. I am convinced this is a lesson I need to learn - as difficult as it may be.

 

I have also found a very useful site yesterday that I thought would be good to share with you;

 

http://www.jhardaker...om/pdf/pdf.html

 

Have a read of Testimony of Light by Helen Greaves. I can guarantee you will be so uplifted. It is truly a beautiful text. I am currently looking through the others which I have not yet come across.

 

How are you getting on with your steps forward with the anxiety? I am currently trying to help my wife overcome her own social anxiety. She is in a similar place to yourself at the moment, but on a good day she is showing willing. 

 

Hope you are having a good night!

[LDN]

Sorry not to reply earlier IUN went to my therapist earlier and just now doing one of those NHS questionnaires for my ketamine consultation! Took me about 3 hours! I'm not joking! 

 

Spot on about patience! It's lesson I need to learn as well! I'm getting better at it but not there yet.

 

Happy about positive energy your feeling! My depression pretty bad right now but my social anxiety is actually really improving. My therapist today took me to the nearby library as an exposure. It was pretty big step for me. I'm also going out in the street everyday now. Haven't done that for years! As I have a physical illness (Lyme disease) which is made worse by the duloxetine it's very easy for just stay in, but then you end up a prisoner in your own home. So I try and do a little bit more each day. To give your wife hope, since I went to Germany in 2016 for treatment on my Lyme disease I hadn't left the house apart for doctors, but these last few weeks have been a huge breakthrough for me. It's probably been helped by this forum! 

 

Thanks for that link! Look like I have a lot of reading to look forward too. This is just my sort of thing. I'm reading Varieties of Religious Experience right now. It's sort of half about mental illness and half about religious experiences. It's a series of lectures by William James from 1902. 

 

Thanks again for that link and all the best to your wife!

 

I think I'm pass out now after that questionnaire!! 

 

Peace

[gail]

London,

Lots of improvement for you lately. You must be happy to overcome your weaknesses. Bravo!

What you are reading about religious experiences, is that from IUN ? Or a book? Looks interesting. I'll look it up, thanks London!

[invalidusername]

Glad things are moving on with your ketamine consultation - I have read so much about this to date, and it would be marvellous if you get the go ahead and you see the benefit - which is quite likely by the results in so far.

 

Sounds like you are doing really well with your anxiety. Exposure is tough, but can be very rewarding. My congratulations for such wonderful efforts. Unfortunately, mine has taken a bit of a down turn over the last 24 hours - most likely due to big change in medication coming up to the first week mark, so the Lexapro will be down to about the 5% blood level whilst I am waiting for the Celexa to kick back in. But it is all stress based. I can go out, but I am convinced something too heavy will come of it. Doesn't help that work is minimal this week, so I am not getting much in the way of interaction outside of the wife - who as you know is not doing so good - and thanks for the wishes from yourself.

 

I am going to look up William James - sounds very interesting. Meanwhile, I hope you are able to enjoy some of the other reading!

[invalidusername]

Think I have found it - this looks like it;

 

https://csrs.nd.edu/...lliams_1902.pdf

[LDN]

Hey Gail! 

 

Gail have a look at the work IUN sent me called Testimony of Light. It looks amazing and I'm going to read more tonight. I saw on another post that your feeling down at the moment. Sorry to hear that but I very much felt what you said! I'm there myself right now! Remember God has a plan for you and everything will make sense one day. I know it's hard but God is with you, always! He loves you! Those of us who suffer have a special bond with God I think! Look at what Jesus went through! You might hear silence from God but I also get that but then sometimes he comes to me, very briefly, but in that moment I know that all will be well, but not only well but wonderful! I sometimes get this feeling of overpowering love! To me that is God. Right now I'm thinking of you and sending all my love! The future holds for all us something truly incredible, it's too great for us to even come close to understanding! I'm sure our sufferings have a great meaning but we just don't know them yet. Remember The Hidden Grace of Pain and Suffering! All of us will have that peace and understanding one day like we can never imagine! I personally can't wait but I must be patient and know God has a plan for me! Your kindness and compassion have certainly helped me so much! You have such a kind soul, I can feel it over here the other side of the atlantic!! Your so brave! Remember all will be well! 

 

Also Happy Birthday!! 

 

In terms of the bible I would personally suggest the Sermon on the Mount. Reading it changed my life. As I've mentioned before the beatitudes are wonderful! 

 

Here are a few others. The first one from Romans is amazing!!

 

'The pain that you are feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming' (Romans 8:18)  

 

'Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you' (1 Peter 5:7)  

 

 

'And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.' ( 1 Peter 5:10-11)

 

Here are a few from Jesus - 

 

'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.' (Mathew 11:28-30)

 

'I am with you always even to the end of the world' (Mathew 28:20)

 

God Bless!

 

[LDN]

IUN yes that it's it! It's probably nothing new to you as you have such great knowledge of this area but it looks at religious experience from an outside perspective. William James was called the 'Father of American Psychology', so it's fascinating just from a psychological perspective. 

 

Sorry to hear about the dip! 24 hours is a long time when you have depression or anxiety! As my dad says my mood is like the wind! I can feel great and totally awfully within a few hours! I'm doing my best right now in terms of exposures, it's exciting but also scary! Something just pushing me through with it. It at least means I'm making some progress, whilst the depression seems immovable! I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers!

 

I'm off to read the Testament of Light now! 

 

Peace

[invalidusername]

Lovely post LDN - and always good to be reminded of the scriptures at times like these. 

 

It is my fond hope for you that your depression improves as you gain more confidence through your social anxiety exploits. My depression seems to be linked, and when I think it through, I always come to the same point that it is my anxiety holding me back from having the life that I want - and it is that which causes the depression.

 

On that note - have you come across Claire Weekes? Many people - myself included - follow her method, and it is a really well documented approach. Not easy - none of these things are - but I trust in it.

 

Testimony of Light is a fantastic book - the sequel "The Challenging Light" is also good, although not quite the same impact (as the author admits), but she wrote the entire book at the age of 84 having lost her sight in both eyes. Truly amazing. 

 

I got the wife out for a short walk when it got darker last night. We were both very fragile, but agreed we should get out as we had both been indoors all day. The anxiety can be both comforting and infectious though! I really want to continue to improve so I can help her. She refuses any medication now that she has seen what it has done to me (and my father - who has parkinsons). Can't say that I blame her, but having been on Lexapro for 2 years and got nowhere, she can't stand the thought of switching to another and going through what I have been through. I won't lie, it is very difficult for me day in and day out to see her like this, and particular at the moment during my switch where my issues affect her directly. 

 

Anyway - hope you have similarly nice weather as we do. Not a cloud in the sky down here! 

[gail]

Hello London,

What a beautiful post. As IUN said, we need this in those times of tribulations. I thank you for your beautiful words and for the Bible links. Crazy how I can devore it.

Just came back from radiotherapy and I'm real tired.

Scrat, who wrote the testimony of light? Thank you.