3 replies to this topic

[Raven72]

It's 12:06am CST as I begin writing this. Another argument over something that was my fault to begin with. I am not just saying that, I was truly at fault. I forgot to do something I said I would do and chose to start an argument over it. Doesn't matter what as it is not at all valid to this post.

In will be doing fine. I will have it all under control, at least I think I do, that BAM!!!😔😢

Anxiety, depression, my inability to get a freaking hold on my life!!! What ever you want to call it. The fact is I am weak! Weak minded, weak willed you name it.

We had the hardest summer last year. My marriage almost ended. My husband and I pulled together through tonwork through this tragedy. Then I find out it could have been worse. I could have lost my husband for good that night. Oh, I shudder every time I think about it.

We make it through all this and I fall into the 💊 trap again. I get on Paxil and that was a big mistake. Stopped it cold 🦃, an even bigger mistake. Which putse where we are now. Here I am again "trying" to get better.

That all I ever do is try. I make progress, sure I do. But it never comes full circle. I get comfortable with trying and that is good enough for me. Well, as the hubs always says. Trying isn't always good enough. It's great to try but you have to take what progress you make from trying and run with it. Use your success to gain more success. Don't be comfortable with that little bit of progress. Use it to gain progress. Nothing in life worth having or doing is ever easy. That's my hubs and he's right.

I need to run with the small amount of success I have gained. This is gonna sound weird but here is how I found out tonight.

After the argument, the hubs goes to bed. I of course stay up to cry and wallow in my own failure. I just can't stop crying. When all of a sudden I hear my son. It sounds like he is talking in his sleep. Right then my tears stopped and my family became top priority again. He had actually thrown up in his sleep and I had to get him cleaned up. Jerk all the covers from his bed along with his stuffed animals he was sleeping with. Now he sleeps soundly on the love seat at I type this.

I believe that his getting sick was "allowed" in order to snap me back. To make me realize that I have to be here for my family. I have to more than barely eat to lose weight and get healthy again. Like my hubs also says. Push through the pain of working out and eventually the pain will go away. I have to get better so I can seey babies graduate high school.

Stop trying , well keep trying bit take the bits of success you get from trying and use them. Don't put in your "look what I did" box and keep trying for more. Take your successes fro trying and put them to use. Throw that box in the garbage.

Love,
Raven

[fishinghat]

"A great post Raven BUT...

"Anxiety, depression, my inability to get a freaking hold on my life!!! What ever you want to call it. The fact is I am weak! Weak minded, weak willed you name it."
 
This has NOTHING to do with you or being 'weak'. This is a chemical reaction in the brain. You can not control it, you can not change it, it must run it's course. Also, ....

"Like my hubs also says. Push through the pain of working out and eventually the pain will go away."

 

The concept is fine but the word push is wrong. you have to relax and enjoy your way through it. Do everything you can NOT to fight it as it further puts stress on you and further increases the neurotransmitter imbalance. You must do everything you can to relax, baby yourself, and do things you enjoy. These activities release endorphins which help bring things in balance again. Now I know this is not easy, especially with a family to care for. For sure do not struggle against it.

 

We have had members here who had therapists who taught "mindfulness" as an approach. It is a well accepted and highly successful approach. It teaches to recognize the changes in yourself and then to embrace them as part of who you are. As you accept them as part of your new person then you stop fighting it, begin to relax and recovery comes quicker. Unluckily all this sounds easy but it does take time and practice.

 

God Bless you Raven. You and your husband can make it through this.

[tmccrady]

Prayers and hugs for you Raven and for all us fighting this horrible disease!!!! Well said fishinghat well said!!!!!!!!!!!

[Raven72]

Thanks guys. FH,last night was very tiring and trying for me. I was very tired when I wrote this post. So, I am sure some things were not worded exactly how I wanted. I just had to get it out.