44 replies to this topic

[Raven72]

Hello everone,

I haven't been around for awhile and you are all about to find out why. I am done letting medicine control my life. No more SSRI'S or SNRI'S OR any other brain drug for me.

My family has had the worst past few years. Such so that my husband and I changed into different people.

Having been off and on anti-depression medicine most of my adult life; I made a mistake about 2 or more years ago. I found myself int the position of having to change docs. So, I found us a doc that well to sum it up, she would pretty much wrote you anything you wanted.

I didn't realize this was bad at the time. So, I asked and for and received scripts. First was Wellbutrin and after that was our good friend Sinbalta, which most of you know worked out so well for me. * insert sarcastic remark here* My husband even tried to earn me but I wouldn't listen.

Fast forward 2 years or so and our marriage is falling apart. Aeguing all the time. Things have been said and done that can't be undone. In a semi peaceful time the hubby researches and discovers WES and this site for me.

On 4/1/16 I went cold turkey after tapering and bead counting. I had rough times but had hope because of this fortress of solitude.

I'm September things got worse. Long story short *too late* I got his parents involved. Wrong choice because their advice pushed me to tell him I was leaving. That pushed him into a bad place in his head. That turned into a fight between him and his which involved the law and his Dad pressing charges.

We have been dealing with court hearings. His Dad saying he would have shot him had he gotten to his gun. Not only that but keeping them where out children could get to them. His parents getting mad because I decide to not leave my husband and help help him instead.Pulling The kids away from his parents. His Mom visits but his Dad cannot. Separate therapy for me and the hubby.

Now I am on Paxil, well I was on Paxil. A FULL blown Sinbalta style argument happened today. Side effect were looked up and BINGO!!!! They match Sinbalta perfectly. There is even a PWS so now I am back to square one. The withdrawal symptoms are the same too.

Sorry for the long post. Hope I didn't break any rules.

Love and Good Night,
Raven

[Raven72]

I apologize for any typos I am really tired

[gail]

Hi Raven,

Know that I read your post, I care for you and you are a big plus for the forum.

You mean cold turkey Paxil? That's a hard one to withdraw from. If I remember correctly, you were a few months on it? Get yourself some Benadryl and whatever you need to get through. I am in favor of benzos, specially in those times. Love Gail.

[Raven72]

Thanks Gail. I would take the benadryl if I were not allergic to it. I am going back on my fish oil tonight. I was only on it for about 3 months or so, you were correct. Headaches already so that is gonna be fun.

[fishinghat]

Oh Raven I don't know what to say. I pray for you and hold out so much hope because you are really strong. The personnel issues can make things so much more difficult. I had my nervous breakdown in 2002 and still am in court periodically over that situation. Al you can do is hold on and wait. The Paxil is similar to the Cymbalta experience. I don't normally recommend benzos but I must agree with Gail. You have so much trouble with so many medicines it is worth considering. Benzos are addictive and can have a serious withdrawal BUT it is possible to withdraw from them with little or no withdrawal symptoms (unlike Cymbalta). The choice is yours but whatever you decide we are always there for one of our sisters.

 

God Bless.

[Raven72]

Thanks FH,

After going on Wikipedia and researching benzos I have decided to rough it out. I don't want anymore brain drugs. I am screwed up enough already. I just want to get back to what used to be normal for me. I don't want to do what I have always done and trade one drug for another. Thank you all for being so understanding and helping me.

Love Raven

[Madison1]

I feel for you Raven and I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I'm there with you and just wanted you to know I read your post. 

[Raven72]

Thank you so much Madison I appreciate the support. Anxiety is high right now. Pretty much anything sets it off.

[gail]

Ah Raven, just know that you are not alone with this $#@& anxiety.

It's crazy how anything can set it off, mine doesn't need anything to go into a tailspin mind you!

My friend anxiety has a mind of its own, and so does my brain!

[Raven72]

I know Gail mine both have a mind of their own as well. I cried Saturday because of the disappointment in my husband's voice when he realized we were going through this all over again.

[TryinginFL]

Oh, Raven...

 

I just read your post and am so sorry that things seem to be going around in circles for you - you were just in that nasty place

My prayers are with you daily and I believe that surely all of this will end - We all wish we knew when..

 

I understand how you feel about benzos, but just want to add my own little problem here.  I had been down to 1/2 mg. per day for about a year and now find that anxiety builds up every time I need to go somewhere.  I am now up to  1 1/2 mg. per day. 

 

I had a hard time while my son was here and suffer from extreme tiredness - am sure part of this is the fibro.  I don't like feeling like I am going backwards here, but after reading some other posts here, it certainly seems possible.

 

Fortunately you are young, Raven, and I commend you for not wanting even a benzo to help you through this.  It really seems like life is just one big withdrawal now, doesn't it?

 

Hang on, girl - you are strong and can do it!  If having Max this next weekend is too much for you, we can postpone until a later date.

 

Love,

Liz

[Raven72]

Thank you Liz, but I think that having Max for the weekend will be a help for me. As a matter of fact I was wondering if he could stay the week. I can fix him a pallet/fort under my desk at work and can rest there. He will have to understand that he can't smoke here.

 

Today is a bad anxiety/emotionally stressful day. I am listening to my headphones while I work and I am listening to Christian music. 

[gail]

Raven, out of likes here. Cute post about our sweetheart!

PS Max smokes his cigars only on Friday with his Brandy, so for sure, he won't set fire in your office.

[gail]

Liz, I liked what you said about Life is just one big withdrawal.

I agree here. On and off meds. Withdrawal from one, start another, withdrawal again and so on. I don't think it gets any better with aging. Yep, what a life!

[Raven72]

I totally agree.

[TryinginFL]

Saw my therapist this afternoon and told her that I feel as if I am falling apart - anxiety before going anywhere is a terrible way to live.

Told her I am now taking more Alprazolam than I did in the last year.  She agreed that maybe it would be a good idea to come in twice a month for a while until I can work through the stress.

 

Yes, Raven, Max can stay as long as you would like and if he is not too much trouble.  Lucky Max - he gets to go to work w/you!!

 

Today was Bentley's worst day so far - he is my 15 yr old Yorkie and he really does act like a 90 yr old man.  He sleeps all the time and has lost most muscle and he feels like a pile of bones....I have cried several times today, wondering what to do.  He truly has no quality of life but I find it impossible to play God and have him put down.  I pray that he will go peacefully in his sleep.  My eyes are leaking again - must  go

[fishinghat]

Liz, it sounds like your Alprazolam is pooping out on you. You may need to swap to something else.

[Raven72]

Awww...poor Bentley.I know how you feel. I will pray he goes peacefully.

[Raven72]

So, this is a new one for me. I am suffering some horrible sleep paralysis with these withdrawals. It sucks

[fishinghat]

Are you having the hallucinations with it?

 

They say that this is from sleep deprivation and if you begin getting more rest it should pass.

[Raven72]

I am not sure if I am having an hallucinations. Sometimes I think I see something out of my minds eye, but I can't be sure.

[Madison1]

Saw my therapist this afternoon and told her that I feel as if I am falling apart - anxiety before going anywhere is a terrible way to live.

Told her I am now taking more Alprazolam than I did in the last year.  She agreed that maybe it would be a good idea to come in twice a month for a while until I can work through the stress.

 

Yes, Raven, Max can stay as long as you would like and if he is not too much trouble.  Lucky Max - he gets to go to work w/you!!

 

Today was Bentley's worst day so far - he is my 15 yr old Yorkie and he really does act like a 90 yr old man.  He sleeps all the time and has lost most muscle and he feels like a pile of bones....I have cried several times today, wondering what to do.  He truly has no quality of life but I find it impossible to play God and have him put down.  I pray that he will go peacefully in his sleep.  My eyes are leaking again - must  go

One of the loves of my life is my 5 year old yorkie. I hope Bentley is doing okay today. 

[tfaff]

I have a 9 yr. old Yorkie who lives in my lap most days. Weimaraner at my feet.

[TryinginFL]

FYI...

 

For those who do not know - Max is my "pretend" capybara who loves to visit our friends on this site

[fishinghat]

Except me!!!!      

[TryinginFL]

He knows what you said about BBQ, FH!

[fishinghat]

It would be a trip he would never remember!!??   He He He!!

[gail]

Don't worry Fisherman, as soon as Max hears the word Missouri, he blocks his ears and pretends to drop dead!

He would rather be deprived of his Brandy and cigar then go to Missouri. Weeks and weeks of therapy for Max to get him over the BBQ word, didn't really work! Love you!

[Raven72]

Back to the subject at hand children 

 

Still suffering from withdrawal effects from Paxil. Headaches, my feel feel cramped all the time  mini anxiety/panic attacks set off by nothing or anything at the same time. Had a really bad one last night

[fishinghat]

Hang on there Raven. It will pass.