308 replies to this topic

[KathyInFL]

I'm on 7 beads this week.

 

I forgot to take my capsule until 3pm today (I usually take it in the morning) and didn't have any brain zaps. I hope this means I will be able to get down to 0 beads in a couple of months with no problems. I'm staying on each drop for about 2 weeks.

 

Hope you all are well!

[gail]

Hi Kathy,

Always nice to hear from you. Seven beads, wow! Nearing the end, hope all goes well with those nasty last beads. Slow and slow, you know the drill!

I would say that you had a pretty COOL coach! Don't we just love him!

[fishinghat]

Coaches help but it is the player that has to play the game and Kathy is a great player. Doing great KFL.

[KathyInFL]

I love both coaches!!!    

[KathyInFL]

Down to 5 beads and feeling good!

[gail]

Hello Kathy,

Such a good and short update, thank you!

Tell me, what method will you use for the last beads? If it were me, I would go with one bead a month. So many horror stories with the last bead. Fishinghat said somewhere that it was not a race but an endurance test, something like that.

Waiting eagerly for an answer to that and my hat to you dear Kathy! xxxx

[fishinghat]

Oh yea!!!

Good going!

[KathyInFL]

Gail, I'm not sure yet what I will do, I'm taking it one day at a time. I moved down to 4 beads but had to go back to a few days with 5 beads because I was getting awful brain zaps.

 

Back to 4 beads. I hold about 10-14 days on each drop.

[KathyInFL]

I started 3 beads recently. It's hard to do.

[fishinghat]

Patience KFL, patience.

[KathyInFL]

I'm trying 2 beads tomorrow.

 

I'm almost out of empty capsules, I hate to buy more for a couple of months more of tapering!

[invalidusername]

Good luck KFL. I am also nearly out and on 10mg. But I have had a good week and don't want to "rock the boat"!! £15 on Amazon will be fine if I have another good week

[KathyInFL]

I'm on 2 beads, it's going okay but I think I need some sort of medication, I believe my depression is back. It might just be "Situational Depression" however. I have a doc appt on Friday, should I ask for different medication, and if so, what do you all think would work? I was on Celexa 20 years ago, I was able to get off that much faster when I wanted to stop. Would that be okay to ask for if my pdoc thinks I need something? Thanks!

[fishinghat]

Oh Kathy, I hate to see you go back on medication now that you have come so far but if it is needed...

 

How long has the depression been around?

 

Celexa is as good as anything. Wellbutrin works well for many as well.

[KathyInFL]

Hi Hat, yea... I 'd hate to go back to something, I'm going to the pdoc on Friday and see what she has to say. I'm miserable and unhappy about my job, so it could just be that (what I called 'Situational Depression" above.) I've been depressed about 2 months, about as long as my job has been sucking... now that the job issue is mostly resolved, I should begin to feel better, hope I do.

[fishinghat]

Try to be patient Kathy. We all go through our natural ups and downs.

[KathyInFL]

I saw my pdoc today. She said I sound good, not depressed and to give the no-antidepressants a trial of a few weeks. She said she's happy I'm almost off the C. Can you believe there are pdocs out there who don't push drugs! 

[invalidusername]

Wow - an anti-depressant graduate! 

 

Good for you Kathy. - keep us updated on how it goes...

 

p.s. Maybe your p-doc is retiring, moving jobs, won the lottery?? There has to be a logical explanation

[KathyInFL]

I'm still on 2 beads, so I haven't quite graduated.

 

She's a young doctor, maybe they teach them differently these days?

[KathyInFL]

I'm still on 2 beads, feeling okay. I even walked about 2 miles outside today, I need to get rid of this C weight!

 

IUN, 6 years ago today I was in London, I'd love to visit again.

 

Gail, how are you doing? 

[invalidusername]

Hey Kathy...

 

Good to hear from you - and that you have maintained the beat count. Shame we can't split the beads further to get half a bead for you...

 

I'm actually south of the City. Haven't ventured that way for a while. Even before relapse I never fancied it. Most likely a British thing that once you've seen the sights

 

Will happily take some weight from you - I've gone the other way. Lost so much weight during withdrawal 

[gail]

Hi Kathy,

All is stable on my side. No pain, or very little at times.
I don't look sick at all, for the moment. But I clearly sleep more than ever. I'm lucky to have very little obligations. Thanks for asking!

[KathyInFL]

Hey Kathy...

 

I'm actually south of the City. Haven't ventured that way for a while. Even before relapse I never fancied it. Most likely a British thing that once you've seen the sights

 

 

We were only in London a few days to see a Queen show called "We Will Rock You", so it wasn't a regular tourist thing to do. How far south of the city do you live?

[invalidusername]

I'm actually in Kent which borders London, but I find it easier to say London! But am a very short train ride from the City. Driving is definately not recommended, and besides, there is a hefty emissions charge each time you do unless you have an electric or hybrid car... 

[KathyInFL]

I'm on 2 beads, I sometimes forget to take one everyday. I will remember to take one when I have a brain zap as someone else described it in another thread. I feel like my head is exploding, or I'm having a stroke and I get breathless and feel like I am going to pass out. Usually it's at night and then I remember to take a 2 bead capsule. The zap only lasts for a few seconds and I don't get one every day, maybe once every 3 or so days. I used to get them quite frequently, but now that I'm down so far in my taper, I guess they are happening less and less.

 

I've got a bit of anxiety back, I take a xanax every few days. They are old, expired a year ago, so I hope they are still working.

 

My anxiety is probably back because I lost my job on November 1, I didn't mention it here before. My banker says if I am careful, I don't have to work but I just don't believe that, I don't have tons of $$ saved up. I'm almost 63 so it's hard to find a job in the US at this age. I am very bored sitting here all day. I don't enjoy much in life anymore, I attribute that to my soulless jobs in my life and the cymbalta I took for 12 years.

 

I can't sleep late anymore, I am not tired when I go to bed at midnight  and then I wake up for the first time at 4am, I use the bathroom and try to go back to sleep for a few hours, but I toss and turn. I used to be able to sleep for 10 hours a night on the C, I think that was the only thing I liked about it.

 

I am going to go out and walk for a bit, Florida is getting a cool spell, it's only 73 degrees F (23C) so I will walk outside instead of the treadmill which bores me.

 

I know there are many threads about what to take for anxiety, I will read them when I get back but if anyone has ideas, I'd love to hear. I don't want to get dependent on the xanax.

 

xoxox

[fishinghat]

My picks are clonidine and/or hydroxyzine. Both prescription only and have no withdrawal. I think we discussed them before if I remember right. Next would be Suntheanine.

[gail]

Hi Kathy,

Sorry about your job lost and the lack of sleep. Benadryl is good for sleep and anxiety, besides this and the two that our boy mentioned, and benzos, I can't think of anything else.

There is Trazodone for sleep on prescription, it's real mild and you can get off easily.

Do you intend to stay at 2mg for a while? I sure hope so

Thanks for your update Kathy!

[invalidusername]

I doubt the Xanax will be working that well to be honest. Xanax has a shelf life of around 2 years... possibly a bit more, so we are talking 50% out of date. Efficiency will be compromised.

 

Really sorry to hear about the job... and I can fully understand your situation. 

 

I started using CBD oil for sleep. I don't touch z-drugs for very good reasons which Hat confirmed a while back. But the oil does help me to chill out. I did an article on it here somewhere. In the weening section I think.

 

It is good to get outside as often as you can. I have always found the best way to get on top of anxiety is just to say f--- it... I am going to do what I want - within reason of course! Take its power away. Don't fight it. It is a battle that cannot be won. Don't say... come on, do your worst. Just let whatever happens to happen. The fear keeps you locked in its grasp. I have literature on this if it would help.

[KathyInFL]

A consulting firm contacted me about a 6 month gig in New Mexico with remote work in Florida and seemed to be interested in me. The client and consulting firm were drawing up their paperwork and then it goes quiet so I don't know if they changed their mind about me or not. In a way, I hope they have since I think that's where my anxiety is coming from, this new short term job. Is this "going quiet" called ghosting?

[invalidusername]

Not sure about the ghosting but I have recently begun to see just how much we label stress with anxiety - or how little we realise how much stress contributes to it. I for one have noticed with all this crapola going on with the Mental Health team here in the UK that my anxiety and depression sky-rockets. Questions left unanswered, calls not being returned, people not understanding me or not believing me. Other than the withdrawal doing it "withdrawal thang", this is what is causing all of my problems at the moment.

 

Stress, stress.. STRESS!!!!