41 replies to this topic

[cocopah40]

Hi Done with Crap and Clara 

 

thanks for the words,  I like being able to come here and feel a bit better knowing I am heading in somewhat of a right direction.  I am trying really hard today to get into a better mood.  I keep going with the thought I am making myself feel worse as a pity party for me.  I don't know if it is real or part of the withdrawal? I feel like I do this to myself, if I was a stronger person I wouldn't feel like this.  Oh the games I play with my head................

 

I was hoping to go out and shovel a bit but geezzzzzz it is -2 with a wind chill of -20..............so much for that idea.  

 

I just need to get out of the house for a bit.  

 

Waiting on the clock so I can call the volunteer center at the hospital and see if I can at least do that.  The job process is very grim, I have one possibility but not until the end of March...................another six weeks!!!!!  

 

I will focus on my thoughts, reread all the kind and wonderful words on this page and work on being grateful.   

 

Coco 

[cocopah40]

An update on volunteering at the local hospital................called and the gal who runs the department was very cool, not excited to have someone be willing to volunteer.  She said there is a six month commitment, the expense for tests that they would do and if I am looking for a job than I better think about this.  I told her about the job I could have the end of may and how I could do both as the job could only be a summer job.  She didn't seem too interested in me, was busy talking to someone else in the background.  I told her I would call her back in a few days and she said yes, think about it and she hung up.  Not even a thank you for calling, let me know if we could work something out..............nothing just a click of the phone.  

 

Are you kidding?????  

 

So much for that place, now trying another place to see if this could be something, it is a thrift shop for transitional housing and training for single women and homeless people.  

[TryinginFL]

coco,

 

What a bummer!  I commend you for trying - it's better than I have done.

 

I am still challenged to do much of anything around the house and there is much to do - I am the 3rd generation to live here and there is so much STUFF to go through...   I keep thinking about it but don't do much!  I have been this way since I got off the crap and really have to push myself to get anything done.  It is truly overwhelming.

 

You are making great strides - don't beat yourself up about the way you're feeling.  It's all part of this unbelievable trip away from the poison drug.

 

I understand the weather itself must be upsetting when you can't get out and away for even a short while.  Can you find a mindless movie to watch - just to take up some time?  I don't know about you, but I have been unable to read, as I seem to not comprehend well what I read - this has been another gift from the c.

 

I understand what you're feeling - just concentrate on making it an hour at a time.  It's all OK!

 

Liz

[cocopah40]

Hi Liz, 

thanks for the nice words about trying.  I did hear from the thrift shop, I emailed the gal and we are meeting tomorrow!!!  She was so excited to hear from me.  Made me feel a lot better about this idea.  

 

As far as movies, I watch two or three a day!!!!  I was reading for a while but got bored of that.  The movies are starting to bore me too, but it does pass the time.  I am watcing the "How the States Got Their Shapes" on Netflix, at least I am learning something.....or I think I am if I remember the stuff...............they are about an hour long and just enough to break up the day.   

 

Also, I was on the bank online, good thing as someone stole my husbands ATM number and was buying all kinds of stuff on Apple Itunes.  Just got off the phone with the bank to close that account.  Geezzzz!!!  This happend within 24 hours, I checked the bank last night and all was fine.  Bastards!!!   So now, I am going to keep an eagle eye on that account just in case. Good thing I at least keep on top of the bills and banks.  

 

Thank you Liz, you do make me feel better, I am trying to be gentle with myself and making an effort to stay in the moment. 

 

This forum has helped me so much, I am go glad I found it or else I really would of been off the deep end.............head first. 

 

Wish I was in FL with the warmth you have, it is only 7 degrees with the wind making it -7  ..................... more snow Wed and even more on Sunday.  We will be covered for months then we will flood...........................

 

I greatly appreciate you Liz, 

Coco 

[Clara]

coco, I've had similar experiences with the volunteer stuff. Tried to get in at the elementary school close to my house... no call back... tried to get in at a center for developmentally challenged kids.... no call back! I finally did get on with a local faith based ministry that gives food and clothing assistance and Meals on Wheels for elderly/disabled, and in house senior dining. I enjoy delivering meals on Friday, but the other stuff is rather mundane (not involving a lot of people, which is what I was hoping for). BUT, it does get me out and about for a few hours a week, and I'm grateful for that! You will find something, just keep looking! TFL, I have lots to do around the house also. I get the "have to" (laundry, cleaning, etc.) done, but that's about it. My craft room sits idle and I hate that, but I just cannot get in the mood! Spring is coming soon and I hope to find the motivation to work outside if my health allows. I love flowers and working outside. I just hope and pray I will get out when the weather warms up! These dreary days are not good for any of us! My problem with the gardening is it takes $$$$ and since I left my job in a Cymbalta meltdown almost 2 years ago, well, there just isn't extra $$$ to play with. We're ok, but no extras! Not complaining... I am one grateful old southern girl for it all! We have come a long way on the forum and I pray the newer folks come along and do well also. I feel that I continue to heal from the C. be it ever so slowly! Sorry for the ramble! I just had to postpone my thyroid scan for next week as we are expecting icy weather to come in tonight and I am rather sad about the delay. I just want to feel better from this junk. It is definitely affecting my mental and emotional state! I do have faith though that brighter days are ahead for us all! Love hugs and prayer to all on the forum!!

[cocopah40]

Hi Clara, 

 

Yes I was bummed when the gal from the hospital was so cold to me..............imagine you get someone willing to help for no pay and you act like a snot.............oh well their loss. 

 

The thrift shop could be just what I need to get out, like you said a few hours a week.  I will meet with her tomorrow and see what comes of it.  

 

I hope your scan goes well for you.  That is stressful enough without the having to worry about icy roads............you would be a wreck trying to drive in that.   

 

I see you are two years out, do you still feel blah from the poison?   I hope to feel a tiny bit better each day.  I do have bad days that last for 4-5 of them together, but I am glad for the 1-2 I have in between.  

 

I am so grateful for this forum, it has made me able to see outside of the blackness when i need it. 

I am also going through the no job stage.  A few possibilites the end of March...... a long way off.  

 

I do know about this weather, being in Maine it is so cold and snowy, I don't even know if I will ever see my flowers.  I love being out there and that is always helpful for my mental state.  Just not able to now.................Bummer

 

Just like you I have faith in brighter days ahead!!!  I keep my prayers going, even if they are not as often or strong as I would like them to be.  But they are there.  

 

Yes, Indeed love, hugs and prayers to everyone reading this. 

Coco 

[TryinginFL]

I am out of 'likes' again, but great posts, coco and Clara!

 

Stay with us as we all need each other!

 

[cocopah40]

Hi Liz, 

 

I know I need to be here...................I am out of "Likes" too!  

 

 I am feeling better today.  The sun is actually shining, I am in the window trying to absorb as much sunlight as I can through the glass.  It feels good!!!!

 

Amen, there is light shining down on me!!!!

Coco 

[TryinginFL]

coco,

 

God smiling down on you!

 

Have to take car for oil change today - not on my list of top10 favorite things to do...

 

At least it will be in mid 70's...

[cocopah40]

Ok Liz your teasing me with 70 degree weather........................we won't see that until May if we are lucky!!!

 

Yes God is smiling down on me......................

 

Enjoy your sunshine!!!!!

[fishinghat]

The feeling of worthlessness, things will never end, self hate/dislike is part of it for several months. You must remember this is not the real you. It is simply, and painful, the withdrawal. Don't push yourself during this period. Keep as much stress away from you as possible. Be kind to yourself as much you can.

[cocopah40]

Hi Fishinghat, 

 

Thank you for reminding me to be ok with me.  It is so hard somedays to get out of my own way.  I get scared I will have to be on meds again.  Your words make me breathe a huge sigh of relief it is just w/d.  

 

I will take your advice to heart and be kind to me, even if I can't stand myself, I won't push to hard, and remain calm.  

 

I have made it a point to find a focal point when my anxiety rises, I look at that point, let the anxiety build to the top, breathe deeply, and keep repeating to be still and calm.  Even if I have to do this over and over it is starting to work..................  I will fight this and win....................

 

Grateful!!! 

Coco