little group
"Sometimes I feel that all of this just lengthens time spent experiencing some type of disorder..." Liz.
I think you've hit upon something there Liz, and I think it's something that may not be well understood outside our little group. It's this: perhaps life is disorder, and any attempt to make it sit still, march to this or that tune, behave, obey, be nice, or be predictable is a lot like herding cats.
Once someone has been through the anti-depressant experience, he or she is hyper-aware of the chaos that is otherwise natural. Perhaps we really do need to seek to identify the tiny gold nuggets within each shovelful of life's gravel, and forget about the rest.