16 replies to this topic

[ItsNotRight]

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[ShadyLady]

Dammit!! I wrote a long reply, INR, to your post and 'Poof' up in cyber smoke! I hate that as it takes my broken brain forever to connect my thoughts into somewhat coherent words...uuurrgh

I shared your forum name with Distraught hoping the two of you might help one another as you both have s.o.b.s, oops I mean an s.o./spouse;) suffering the horrible crap withdrawal and both of you are the targets of their pain and angst...we sometimes hurt the ones we love the most just isn't comforting in this situation!

You write with such depth and brevity...I am so happy to see that you checked in and replied to Distraught;). This forum is our safe house where we can vent, cry, laugh and not feel so alone...glad you chose to 'tiptoe' back even with some of the bs going on behind the scenes:/

Be well and take care of yourself first!

Warm hugs, Rebecca

PS-Many of us here are alone without family or friends, that's why this site is a lifeline, for me anyway;)

[Distraught]

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[Carleeta]

INR, I know what I'm about to say won't ease your pain, although there is a good chance if you can get your husband to check out the forum and read through it he might have somewhere to take out is frustrations and find he's been understood and justified. Myself and other members can definitely relate to him and what he is going through, as we are on the other side from your pain. It's difficult for myself to relate to your pain, although there are answers for you and that is to getting yourself with a therapist or group where others have more in common with your pain and can support each other. This forum may be just the opposite for you because the members here are suffering from withdrawl from cymbalta and are sharing our good and bad days and supporting each other. Although what I can offer is to try and connect with others where you can find an abundance am out of support and understanding, and the best way to get your quality of life back. I wish you the best of luck in finding the right support you need....

[gail]

Cymsik, your brain is fonctionning better than mine!

 

As I was reading Distraught's post, I knew that I had read of  a similar nightmare somewhere, and could not connect it to whoever it was.

And you made it, INR. Glad that you could reunite them so they dont feel alone in this.

 

Thanks Cymsik! I feel so powerless in helping them, as I have not lived that situation.

 

Distraught and INR, I am grateful that you both met, I am positive that this will help you both. Just knowing that you are not alone in this shitbalta trip, a trip that was imposed on you. Keep posting, eventually something positive has to turn up, always two sides on a coin!

[ItsNotRight]

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[FiveNotions]

INR, have you gotten yourself a therapist the way we've urged you to do? Have you followed up on any of those resources that I PMd to you? What about the resources FH sent you?
 
I'm at a loss for what else to suggest, since my experience is with what your husband ... and Distraught's husband ... are dealing with.
 
All of us here are either in active, hard withdrawal right now, or have moved a bit beyond that into the issues that follow that phase. I identify with your husband and Distraught's husband, and I could speak to them about what they are suffering.

It's your husbands who need to be here, because we're equipped to help them.
 
I can sort of identify with some of what you're saying, in that I was in a bad marriage years ago (abusive). But I kicked the guy to the curb in short order, and got on with my life. So, my experience there is really limited.
 
When we are in withdrawal, every single relationship we have is impacted negatively, especially spouses and children. If there are already marital issues, the withdrawal only magnifies them. The same issue happens with friendships ... I nearly lost my one best friend because I was physically violent towards him at least once (my memory is bad, and I haven't dared ask him), and I was consistently emotionally abusive. That he's still my friend is a miracle.
 
All of us here have similar stories to tell.
 
In the military, this is called "collateral damage."
 
And, that's what Cymbalta has done to you ... you are experiencing "collateral damage." It's an evil drug, with evil consequences.
 
Both you and Distraught MUST get into therapy to get help for your own issues with respect to this horrible drug and what it does to people.

If you can't do this for your own selves, do it for your children, please.
 
All we can do is try to explain to you what your husbands are going through.

[ItsNotRight]

I can't even find the mental energy needed to reply to that.. All I can say is please don't suggest in any way shape or form "If I can't do it for myself, do it for my children." That goes off the scale of insulting.. 

 

I am getting my ass kicked from every direction. This most definitely is not JUST about the one in withdrawal. Nor should this site or any member suggest it. We are all fragile here. Very easily pushed to an edge that could be the edge we don't come back from. 

 

Cymbalta's first victim is the one who swallowed the pill. The next is everyone that person loved. (That would be me.) What I am NOW currently engulfed in. You have been through your withdrawals and you are not living with someone going through it. So what gives you more right to be here than me? I need help and support now so that I can help and support a man who honestly is a selfish, abusive, mental case. BECAUSE OF CYMBALTA. A man that I love dearly and need and I am committed to staying with him. That doesn't mean I deserve what I am getting. Not taking advice does not warrant "I am just a lost cause then."  Not everyone can run off to a therapist. If that was something I could do I'd be there not here. 

 

I seriously need this to not turn into something it shouldn't. I have enough of that in my real life. If you choose not to support or listen to the other side then that is your choice. Don't read what I write if it offends you. I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done towards helping me and my S.O. I will never say a word with the intent to hurt. This is my hurt, my journey. This forum is not AA.. It is not being ran by Dr.s or therapists. We're all human beings that are in the same hell trying to make sense of it. I pray to God that even if my words could help one person on the other side then it is worth it. I'm one of the lucky unlucky ones who has experienced the other side and let me tell you it's an entirely new ballgame over here. Your words hurt because this is the mentality that has been beat into my head by my partner since cymbalta entered our lives. It's not just about him and I am not robbing him of some right to be here at the forum. He wont come here, I chose to reach out. I was welcomed by people who are suffering and I thank the dear lord for it. How amazing they are to be suffering and reaching out. I think it helps everyone begin to heal to help in their own time of need. Sort of the same thing I am doing. 

 

Please don't condemn me when I vent out frustrations or write me off when my words become cynical. I'm riding the roller coaster. More down hills than up, and that doesn't make sense to the mind........... (fragile) 

 

 

 

[FiveNotions]

INR, I'm in no way condemning you ... quite the contrary ... I'm worried sick about you. Have been since the very first post you made here. Worried about your physical safety and that of your daughter. Worried that you need to remove yourself and your daughter from the situation.... just look at all of our posts over on your first thread ... we are / were all worried sick about you. And trying our best to give you helpful, sensible advice.

 

Your husband is a vet ... he has PTSD ... and he desperately needs psychiatric treatment ... and, from what you described in your other thread, it's been a bit of an abusive marriage, even before Cymbalta withdrawal.

 

What are your husband's symptoms now, and how long has he been off cold turkey?

 

Do you see any signs of improvement in him .... physically or emotionally / mentally?

 

We need all the facts you can give us about your husband's condition ... has he seen the doc? Is he drinking alcohol? Is he taking any other meds, prescription or OTC?

 

Is he working or having to take a lot of time off? Is he at risk of losing his job?

 

What does he tell you about how he feels?

 

Is he talking about suicide or self-harm? Has he ever tried this before?

 

How is your daughter coping with all of this?

 

I'm worried about your safety. I'm thinking you need to get out of there. And, you need to consider calling to have your husband hospitalized.

 

I'm simply at a loss for what to say to help you. Because what you're describing indicates that there may not been much improvement in your husband during these weeks ... that's a warning sign. A big one.

 

I know you need to vent, and have no other place to go. That's why you need to get a therapist..... someone who's there for you, only you.... who sees your side of things, listens to your side of things, and can teach you new ways of behaving and coping ...

 

Your husband may not change. He's not only getting off Cymbalta, and doing it the hardest possible way, he clearly has deep, underlying psychological issues. PTSD. 3 tours of duty in a war zone. The boiling cauldron of emotions inside him has had the lid taken off by quitting this drug cold turkey.

 

From what you say, he absolutely refuses to get help himself.

 

So, the only choice you have is to change things for yourself.... and your daughter.

 

I'm worried sick about her.What kind of scars is she going to go through life with by having to live in, grow up in this kind of situation?

 

Cymbalta is evil. What it does to people who take it, and to those around them who love them, breaks my heart.

 

If you haven't already, go over to the thread you started when you first arrived. We all chimed in to give you all the best advice we could think of ... why? Because we care, and we care deeply.

 

I am not condemning you. I'm challenging you to reach out for help from the resources that are available to you in addition to this forum.... therapists, abuse hotlines, women's shelters, and all those resources for military vets and their spouses that I sent you. FH, himself a vet, offered to actually make the calls and arrangements necessary for you and your daughter to get out to a safe place.

 

We all come here to vent, dear heart ... we all do ... and, in addition to venting, we listen to each other's advice, grab the lifelines that are thrown to us ... and do absolutely everything we can do to get ourselves through this withdrawal hell ... it's up to each of us individually to take the actions needed ... to take care of ourselves ... because there's no on else who's going to take action for us ... we've got support here, blessed support ... but none of that is worth anything if we don't heed the advice that's given to us and take action.

 

You can get through this, INR... you've got the guts, and spunk, and yes, the sense of humor ... you can move yourself forward and into a new phase of your life. You just need to pick up the phone and call .... a hot line, a therapist, one of the military spouse's groups ... and, it may be necessary to call the cops and get your husband hospitalized.

 

If he commits suicide, are you prepared for how you'll feel if you didn't take action? What if he kills or seriously injures you, or your daughter? Are you prepared for how you'll feel for not having taken action?

 

I'm praying for you!

[ItsNotRight]

I followed you all the way up till the end... "If he commits suicide, are you prepared for how you'll feel if you didn't take action? What if he kills or seriously injures you, or your daughter? Are you prepared for how you'll feel for not having taken action?" Too low a blow for me. My child once again brought up in a quilting manner.. I'll remove myself from here now. So very unbelievably sad. For you to take what tiny thread of hope I had left by telling me NOW that he is too far into withdrawal to still be acting like this, yet other posts say it takes months to get better.. Well that doesn't add up and you took a "I'm gonna put her in her place and tell her like it is" approach just to make yourself taller than me. My "husband" became abusive while ON Cymbalta. I know exactly what I wrote in my first post. I told you how happy goofy kind loving he was.. He was strong man and a care giver.. (not depressed man!) Don't mix my life with yours.. Cymbalta is the problem here.. How dare you take it upon yourself to diagnose my husband and post it here as if you are an expert. Shame on you. Maybe everyone on this forum is suffering from PTSD?? They all seem to have the same symptoms, lasting the same amount of time... Thanks for the advice but considering that you have pulled a low blow on me twice now, the source is no longer credible. Just don't bother replying. I'm done.. I have enough heartache, and I don't take lightly to having smoke blown up my ass. I see right through it. If anything you owe me an apology and I'd bet I wont be receiving one of those anytime soon. Luckily I am quite use to that. 

[FiveNotions]

Ladies, do not turn your rage on me. I will not accept it. I am here to get better, to heal from Cymbalta withdrawal. And at this point you are harming me. That I will not tolerate.

[FiveNotions]

INR

Here is the list of resources I spent hours researching for you and PMd to you several months ago. Use them.

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Fort Refuge - abuse survivors community (a bit hard to figure out at first, but I like this one a lot... humor, information and encouragement!)
home page ... http://www.fortrefuge.com/
chat rooms, guest page ... http://www.fortrefug.../94-Guests-Room
chat rooms, list of topics (registration needed to view, I think) .... http://www.fortrefug.../chatrooms.html
library, with lots of neat info.... http://www.fortrefuge.com/library.php

Psych Forums -- Physical Abuse (good topics and responses, also, which I find very interesting/tempting is that they have a separate area (click on any forum topic, look to left side of the page) with psychiatrists live/online to answer questions!)
http://www.psychforu...physical-abuse/

Women's Law -- chat and message boards (lots of other info/stuff as well)
home page .... http://www.womenslaw.org
chats / forums ... http://www.womenslaw...ional_chats.php
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Win Over PTSD -- resources and life-saving information for combat vets and their families (awesome website!)
home page ... http://winoverptsd.com/wp/
chat forums .... http://winoverptsd.c...-online-forums/
more chat resources (scroll down the whole page, badly designed) .... http://winoverptsd.c...=chat&.x=0&.y=0
links to other chats / resources ... scroll down the page (badly designed) and look to the right ... http://winoverptsd.com/wp/about-2/

My PTSD
home page ... https://www.myptsd.com/c/
chat forums ... https://www.myptsd.c...w/9934288/posts

The Veteran's Voice
PTSD Wives Help ... lots of chats! ... http://www.thevetera...-PTSDWives.html
article -- PTSD and Wives ... http://www.thevetera...-PTSDWives.html

Family of a Vet
home page ... http://www.familyofavet.com/
coping with a spouse who has PTSD .. http://www.familyofa...TSD_spouse.html
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[FiveNotions]

INR, I see that you've also removed all of your initial posts, in which you said you were here to get help for your husband and to learn what you could do to help him. In those posts you gave us the info we needed about your husband and Cymbalta in order to help him ... dose, how long, generic or brand, his symptoms, etc ...

you've left only the posts that are about yourself. How does doing this help your husband?

Here's the link to your original thread, with the extensive posts by all of us trying to reach out to you and your husband. Perhaps it would help you to read back through all of our responses.

https://www.cymbalta...elping-us-dire/

The only way we can help your husband is through you. The info you deleted prevents us from helping, as that can't be replaced.

[lady2882Nancy]

 I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT TWO GOOD PEOPLE WHO NEEDED HELP FOR THEIR SPOUSES HAVE BEEN CHASED AWAY BY MEMBERS OF THIS FORUM ! !

IT IS ENOUGH TO ALMOST MAKE ME WANT TO REMOVE ALL MY POSTS AND I HAVE BEEN A MEMBER MUCH LONGER THAN MOST OF YOU.

COULD YOU NOT SEARCH THE SITE AND FIND THE ADVICE GIVEN TO OTHER SPOUSES AND SIGNIFICANT OTHERS AND POST THE LINKS TO THAT ADVICE?

HAVE YOU NO THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEADS OTHER THAN WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH?

 

WE ARE HERE TO HELP ALL WHO SUFFER FROM THE DISCONTINUATION SYNDROME CAUSED BY CYMBALTA - THAT'S EVERYONE - EACH AND EVERY PERSON THAT IS BEING HARMED BY THIS POISON.

FOR ALL THE POSTS SOME OF YOU HAVE MADE I CAN TELL THAT THERE ISN'T MUCH THOUGHT IN REALLY HELPING OTHERS WHICH MAKES ME REALLY SAD.

THIS SITE HAS CHANGED SO MUCH IN SUCH A SHORT TIME IT BREAKS MY HEART.

 

NEXT TIME A SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER OF SOMEONE WHO IS WITHDRAWING FROM CYMBALTA COMES TO THE SITE TELL THEM TO 'PM' ME. I WILL HELP THEM.

 

OH AND BY THE WAY I FIT IN THAT CATEGORY OF THE TWO PERCENT THAT SUFFERED SEVERE WITHDRAWALS AND LONG TERM EFFECTS FROM TAKING THIS POISON. I AM STILL DEALING WITH THE SIDE EFFECTS FROM TAKING THE DRUG AS WELL AS THE WITHDRAWALS AND MY LAST BEADS WERE TAKEN MARCH 28 2013

 

CRAPALTA (MY NAME FOR IT, YES THAT WAS ME) AND THE EFFECTS IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD CAUSE US TO BAND TOGETHER NOT DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY

[ItsNotRight]

(Nancy you have me crying over here. I am sorry that I was writing my reply before I read you. I still would like to post it. You are a wonderful strong person to stand up for me this way. I hope with all my heart it doesn't cause you any undo grief. I never meant for any of this to happen and I really tried to stop it before it started. I'm still dumbfounded that I would seek answers for so much pain and get more pain in return. Thank you so very much again. You have soothed my soul.. ) 

 

(My post) 

FN and another tried to force their diagnoses on my husband and I think everyone here should be insulted. A man fought for his country. Was a Sargent in the UNITED STATES ARMY. He was given Cymbalta for pain. Pain caused by fighting for his country and he has exactly the same symptoms as everyone else in this withdrawal hell and it's lasting just as long as everyone else. But because he served RESPECTFULLY & PROUDLY for his country, he is having this label slapped on him. It would be no different if I said because FN is old then her symptoms must have been menopause.. OR Chuck has always been depressed, he must be Bipolar. FN has tried to use my situation as an example and she has done so FALSELY. I take great offence and I am utterly saddened for my husband. He held his head with honor! (Unfortunately he suffered physical pain and was fed the same lie as most everyone here. Cymbalta can help.)

 

I will say this one last time so please listen one word at a time. I came here while my husband was still on Cymbalta and he was very sick. He became abusive one night. He then got off cymbalta (cold turkey) and as with everyone else here, he is going through hard core withdrawal. I EXPLAINED very eloquently I might add that before he started cymbalta he was a KIND, GOOFY, FUNNY, LOVING, CARING, MAN MAN. HE WAS NOT DEPRESSED BY ANY MEANS! Certainly not abusive! He now has withdrawal symptoms and what are they folks? Brain zaps, crying, easily agitated, rage, anger, sadness, throwing up 20 times a day, shaking, anxiety, unable to sleep. The list goes on. Is it a different story for my husband because he served his country? Am I so different than any other person that see's these changes and gets so scared that they reach out to people for comfort? To validate to me that what he is experiencing is NORMAL and that there is HOPE? Am I any different than any human that has a breaking point and needs a moment to vent or cry? Just be heard? Relating to others? How is this board more about some woman slamming links down on people than it is about a group of people talking to each other about a drug that the forum is named? cymbaltawithdrawal?

 

FN said to me that my husband is going to Kill my child. It doesn't matter what way she wrote it. That is what I heard. I am a fiercely protective mother. She followed that with the question "HOW WILL I FEEL THEN?" I again asked her to stop and she had to post a bunch of links for PTSD and the like. Just one last hurtful jab to someone who is already under more stress than I have ever been in. 

 

Ask me if I just watched my father Die of cancer and now it feels like I am watching my partner die as well.  My Dad was 63 years old. YOUNG!! Ask me if I didn't suffer a stroke? Ask me if I didn't lose my sister to drugs? Ask me if all this and more didn't happen within a short amount of time? I am a human being FH with a life that is fragile. I am not a machine that you can say any damn thing you want to without causing great anguish. The games you are playing are being played in a very wrong place. I could not imagine the damage you would be doing to my husband if he was here. As much as he is suffering right now. Your intentions for what ever reason was to act like you were helping me, then pick a fight, then make yourself the victim. At my expense. At the expense of my poor husband who needs me now more than ever and I needed this support group!!. I think you are bitter that you didn't have anyone and that is just sad that you would try to sabotage my husbands care source. 

 

You had permission to direct me to counseling ONCE! After that you take pieces of what support and comfort I would have received and given from this group and labeled me a lost cause because you do not know whether I took the advice or not. Quite frankly its none of anyone's business after I am no longer discussing it. True or not true? (Rhetorical of course!) 

 

Lastly let me say, I live for the sick, the under-dogs, the poor, the unlucky, the victims. My heart bleeds for them all. ( I am all!) I step up when I feel God himself has put me in a place to be of service to another human being. I will not give up on my husband. I know his heart. I hope everyone here remembers their own hearts before cymbalta. That is the real you. Fight for the real you and never be defeated. (Standing by her man because he is worth it!) Thank you to the beautiful people who wrote me personally, who stuck up for me (the underdog in this situation). . Please don't forget about the newest member (Distraught) who just joined but was unfortunately here for support for her husband and not herself so she is now carrying this hurt as well. I joined up with her privately so that we can help each other. We are now the blind leading the blind since our support group with people who WANT to talk about their journey was taken away. I imagine we could have been here to help future women and men caregivers but FN felt threatened by two of us. Have mercy on the next care-giver you meet. A heart can only break so much.   

 

I am not even writing this for myself. I'd have left and never looked back. I am writing this for my husband and everyone else who should be insulted. FN needs a wake up call as does anyone else who is diagnosing on this forum. OR implying that you or someone YOU love may/might/is going to commit murder and it will be your fault. (Owner may need to have this discussion with this woman.) Be warned tho, Narcissistic women can be quite convincing when they cry. 

 

(and the reason my older post are deleted is because FN was spreading some rumor about lawyers paying for this site and I had no idea what that meant and didn't want my personal story and pain to be someone's financial gain. I saved every post I wrote and that was written to me. Because they meant something to me.) I have since seen a post by the owner stating HE IS THE ONLY OWNER! Shame I didn't see that sooner because I would not have deleted a single word. 

 

Peace be with you all, I have a sick man to take care of and a heart of my own to build back up.

(As you can all clearly see I asked her for an apology and not to make this something it shouldn't be. Her ego got the best of her and now we're all reading the aftermath.) 

 

[lady2882Nancy]

Amen ItsNotRight

I am impressed and proud of you for standing up for yourself.

[gail]

Ganging up on one member or two is inadmissible.

Yes, FN has made some comments that are hard to swallow, the suicide thing is what comes to mind. I would not have liked her to mention this to me. Even if I know that this would be a possibility.

And, yet, all that is remembered is the negative stuff.

The resources, that she spent time, lots of time.
The compassion, her listening, her presence, and always ready to help.

She is human, been there since my beginning here. At times, a few posts made me uncomfortable, and heard her say that maybe she had come a bit strong on certain subjects and apologized.

I see that INR and Distraught are really up to their neck with the suffering. And that is a mild way to express it.

But, please, Fivenotions has meant no harm, perhaps a bit pushing, and we have to remember that she is still suffering from this discontinuation thing.

Ganging up on someone fragile is cruel.She has meant no harm, she has not been insulting, and I do not believe that she is entitled to be treated this way!