39 replies to this topic

[Distraught]

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[brzghoff]

Yes, true, brzghoff. But every action has an equal (ha!) and opposite reaction. It's a fabulous concept, but think about it in reality. Sadly, honorable isn't a word that is recognizalbe in our situations. In reality, I absolutely have no desire to physically drive myself almost three hours to a place where I know he's already thrown out my "memories" (lol), incur certain verbal abuse, get no sleep, come back to work Monday an absolute zombie and good for no one, BUT . . . if I don't go. . . hell hath no fury like a Cymbalta Discontinuation Syndrome victim's scorn, and he's extremely likely to burn my childhood house down and God knows what else if that doesn't get an adequate rise out of me - and my parents live five miles from where he is. So, it's not really about being a slave to abuse - it's about how deep that abuse will go and what you can do to mitigate it. You're all right - there's no rataionale thinking going on. So, yes, I can control my choices, but they are not choices I would ever make with someone with whom I could be rationale.

In all honesty, I am shocked that INR and I are the first "caregivers" to seek help here. Maybe we are just the most recent. I am hoping to have my cup filled enough soon that I don't have to burden you all any more with my other-side-of-the-coin rants, but you have to understand that this has gone on for months and months with no reprieve. You're my fix for now. Kick me off if you want for being honest about how I feel, but for the first time in months, I have honestly felt a tiny bit of cammeraderie. I am sure I spelled that wrong.

Once again - past my bedtime. Thank you new friends. Tomorrrow is another day.

 

i am not suggesting you do something honorable. quite the contrary. there is no reason to subject yourself to abuse - if you continue to endure abuse you are making the choice to do so 

 

you agree that you can control your choices. the fact that "they are not choices i would ever make with someone with whom i could be rational" doesn't really matter. this is about you. not your husband. again, it is your choice, if you don't think you have a choice then you are making a choice... to do nothing. 

 

 

as for being the first caregivers here - i have no idea. 

[lady2882Nancy]

Distraught

My heart goes out to you and no you two are not the only ones to seek help here. There were some when I was withdrawing before and there were others in the past as well. Also there have been several relationships that I know of that did not survive the withdrawals and that is the saddest part of all.

 

I can't imagine what you are going through as I was the one withdrawing but I do remember the worried looks on my poor Hubbies face when he would get home. The poor guy never knew what he was going to come home to. I was lucky that even though our family doctor insisted that stopping Cymbalta couldn't cause my problems my Hubbie could see that the doctor was wrong and stuck with me even when I went through the raging and the crying.

 

You have gone through more than most as your husband made the jump off cold turkey from a much higher dose than anyone I know. I know it has been a living hell for both of you. The rebound pain alone would be enough to make someone crazy but adding the mental torment too is pure torture. I took Cymbalta for pain and it didn't work, then when I stopped my pain was doubled at least from what it had been before this terrible drug.

 

Myself, I am glad you came on the site and 'ranted' about what you were going through. Thank you for reminding me that my Hubbie has been through a tough time too and that I should cut him some slack. That drug has had some long term effects on me and it only makes sense that it has had long term effects on him as well.

 

I hope and pray that things turn around for you and that you find some peace soon.

Take care of you

Nancy

[Carleeta]

Distraught, you found some peace of mind here on the forum, and I'm glad you did. What you found was some answers to your husbands behavior since quitting such a high dose of cymbalta. From that point on you have read other 'suffers' advice and/ or complaints. If we directed you in one direction (which I believe you have contacted your insurance to seek counseling, for which I admire), you seem to accept this. If we explain we are fearful for you, your children, and your husband's well being, you addimentily stated 'you don't get it'. Unfortunately, we do 'get it'. I don't want to sound cold, although it's true. As my phrase 'the other side of the coin', I'm sorry I even used that phrase because I meant it just to identify my difference to your pain. And here you are changing it to fit you and blending it into the same pain. As for me and other members here, our pain is both physical and emotional. Your pain on the other hand is just emotional. Some of us members have experienced all different issues with loved ones who couldn't, wouldn't, and would support us through our journey to quit cymbalta. Many of us members are receiving therapy from professionals, see our physicians, take other meds, and help each other through our bad days. If you take the time to see how involved our journey is by reading our threads here, you might understand there is quite a lot we must do to get through our days and to the best quality we can.

You undoubtedly are a good natured person, with a big heart. You love and care for your family deeply, and this is wonderful. You are trying to help him, although I need to tell you, it's difficult to help him if he won't accept getting help on his own, as the members have done here. Your statement stating we are just like him was not easily accepted by me, as I must say I took it personally as an insult. Although, it's true, he and other members are walking the same journey, and you are viewing it from your eyes and not his. It appears your personal anger was reflected in your last few posts.

What you may not have considered here is this; the more you complained of your fears, torment, love, anger, and etc., some members here are dealing with their own cymbalta hell, and being reminded of what their SO and family members are going through. This may have added more pain to their life as they try to heal themselves.

This forum is about helping each other and others looking to help and support one another. We do stress for all to get some therapy or counseling, when life becomes unbearable, you were given the same advice (which I feel you have acted upon). Just please realize we understand your in pain, and please understand we are unable to offer more than we already have. If you have good progress to report, then please by all means feel free to post us, as we do care about you, your childre, and husband. ..

[TryinginFL]

I must agree with Carleeta - I am happy that our forum could help you to understand what going through this withdrawal and discontinuation is really like for those of us in the midst of it.

 

Yes, we are all in different stages and hopefully this gave you much needed information of what to expect as time goes on... I am glad that you are seeking therapy, as only a trained professional can help you to deal with this and how to take care of yourself and your famiy through these tormented times.  It must be hell to live as you are, but we cannot relate to your feelings - I'm sorry, but it is impossible.

 

We are not trained counselors nor are we adept at helping those living with others suffering as we are. We can only relate to those going through the same horrors as we had/are having.  We try to support each other.

 

Please keep us updated as things progress. 

[Distraught]

All:

First, I offer my sincere apologies to those I've hurt. It felt so good to finally be able to talk about the hell we've been going through for months, from the symptoms of the high dosage to the recent cold turkey stuff and I really felt a sense of family with this group because no one truly understands this but us. However, in doing so, I obviously shared too much and unintentionally hurt people by perhaps bringing up bad memories or any number of things. I am truly sorry. That was the absolute last thing I meant to do.

You are wonderfully caring people who are going through hell.

So are we.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to several of you who have PM'ed me with your support and disgust (quite honestly) at the suicide comment. In the very appropriate words of one private message, yes, it was absolutely a "downright knife to the souls of our hearts." The last place I thought I'd see a question about "how we'd feel if our husband committed suicide" was on a support forum. Thanks.

I'm going to try to figure out how to delete all my posts so that no one else is hurt by my rants. (And no one has my permission to repost what I delete. Period.)

I will stay with my husband. He deserves my love and support. That's all you'll hear from me. I'll take my journey through hell elsewhere - positive, negative, whatever. (And hell yes my personal anger was reflected in my last posts. I won't apologize for it - I'm angry. I just won't do it here any more.)

I wish you all the best in your respective journeys.

[FiveNotions]

Distraught, I was not saying those words to you, I was speaking to INR, whose situation is very different from yours.

 

You are getting therapy, and you're here learning, commenting and using what you learn to take action to help your husband get through Cymbalta withdrawal and to get yourself the support you so much need in order to get through it as well.

 

I said what I did to INR because exactly this happened to a dear friend of mine years ago. She would not listen to me, or her other friends, did not take action to get herself into therapy, or to get help for her husband. He was a vet, with PTSD. He was a wonderful man, but his demons finally got to him. Her home life disintegrated, he refused to get help, she didn't get help for herself.

 

One night he went over the cliff. He stabbed their daughter and shot himself. 

 

Maybe if I, or one of her other friends, had said something this blunt, and yes, painful, to her back then, we could have prevented this. But we didn't.

 

I don't want INR, or anyone, to ever have to live with the pain and regret that my friend now has to live with.

 

If pissing people off is the price of saving one life, I'm okay with that.

[lady2882Nancy]

Five Notions

From what I was able to read from ItsNotRight's story I think the last thing that she needs is to be lectured and bullied on a website that she turned to looking for help.

At one time or another most members have had rants and the usual comments have been that it is okay and that this is the place to rant if you need to. In the past when spouses of those withdrawing joined us looking for help we also allowed them to rant and offered what advice we could. Even when their spouses were in a bad state we just asked for the information related to Cymbalta and we didn't insist they do things our way.

I truly upset by some of the comments made on this site to ItsNotRight and Distraught. I don't know what your qualifications are to be lecturing or quizzing someone about their spouses PTSD but I can tell you that had you done that with my husband concerning my PTSD it would have easily been enough to push me over the edge.

Thankfully I sought help for my PTSD on my own, at my own time. If you really understand withdrawals from Cymbalta you would know that 6 weeks for some is only half way through the mood swings and rages from it.

Spouses are just as much victims of this poison as we are and we should not lose sight of that fact.

[brzghoff]

rants/vents can be useful because they allow us to get something off our chest at which point they provide us the ability to see ourselves from a more objective view point - on the page in black and white, its then we can get a better picture of our situation and it becomes a learning opportunity. as others on the forum respond with support, the "ranter" participates in picking up the pieces as well, through aknowledgement and a genuine interest in implementing offered strategies. we've seen that over and over again with each other. when the ranter consisently responds with the "that won't work" excuse it becomes fruitless to continue a dialog and damaging to many still in the throws of mental anquish due to the withdrawal. unbridled anger is toxic

[Distraught]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, LadyNancy for standing up for us publicly. You have made today a bit easier. One day at at time, right? It was restorative to wake up to yours and INR's messages. Thank you for taking the time - it has made a world of difference for me today. Hope everyone has a blessed day. I am keeping my unbridled, toxic anger in check today thanks to you, LadyNancy.