1908 replies to this topic

[Raven72]

My positive for today: My husband called me while I was at lunch because he had some time and wanted the check on me

[emoothart]

I love this idea!  It is very much like what my therapist wants me doing: noticing blessings.  So this morning (day 3 of a 60mg dose, down from 90 to 80 to 70...) I'm noticing that I am UP, and I haven't yelled at my kids all morning, and I swept the floors so they feel good to walk on barefoot.

[Raven72]

Aww, that's great Emily. So, happy to hear it.

[TryinginFL]

I have a great positive - feel so much better after that massage!

 

Worked out a lot of really tight muscles from this fibro-ridden body...

[FiveNotions]

Bravo Raven and Emily ! And oh, Liz, how I'd love a deep muscle massage ... I'm going to check Groupon.com to see if I can get a cheap coupon for one. (Are you guys / gals familliar with Groupon? Tons of services and goods, deeply discounted ... I bought a coupon for 2 hrs of house cleaning, $35 for $120 worth of service ... can't wait to get that set up and done ... was waiting for the new cabinets and appliances before doing so, that's done, so next up is the cleaning)

 

My positive for the day is that maintenance came to do the annual cleaning of my a/c unit ... all clean, with a new filter ... the diff in temp is huge, and so I'm all set for DC's miserable summer ... the guy told me it takes him 4 months to clean the units in all 1,110 apartments in my building ... 

[gail]

Fivenotions,

1,110 apartments in your building??? Did I read right?
And 60$ an hour for cleaning??

Do we live on the same planet? You got me...have a cool nightxx

[FiveNotions]

Yep it's a massive building ... built in the 1950s ... at the time, it was the first residential building in the US (I wanna' say world, but need to fact check that) with central a/c ... and, it's still the largest apartment bldg in DC ... we've got about 3,000 people living here (including a ton of children, lots of Hispanic and Ethiopian families) ... a grocery store, video rental, beauty shop, dry cleaner, and a few doctors ... used to have a restaurant, but that closed a few years ago and management is still trying to find a replacement ... 

 

It's a small town, self-contained ... and we even have a few of the original tenants, from when it first opened !

 

That cost for cleaning service is for 2 people, for 2 hours ... it's expensive in DC ... 

[Raven72]

My positive comes from the mother of my best friend (Rena) who passed away 3 days before Christmas in 2011.  They have since kept her FB page up in a memorial status so people can post memories and such.  So, her mother texts me this morning stating she went on to post a private message telling Rena how much she loved and missed her. She does this sometimes because it makes her feel like she is talking to her. She she was typing her message to Rena when a message popped up that said "I Love You Mommy!" - My heart stopped but I was so happy for her because I felt it was Rena reaching out to say she will always be with us.

[fishinghat]

Beautiful!! Isn't it amazing how the angels always get the timing right?

[Raven72]

Yes, FH it truly.

[FiveNotions]

aw, Raven, that got me all teary-eyed ...love it !  

[Carleeta]

Raven, how beautiful.  Never know when your angel will appear.  What a positive experience. 

Liz, glad you are feeling better after your massage therapy.

FN..  positively save all the money you can on those coupons.  I'm always getting strange looks when I shop due to the fact I use my coupons all the time.

     Wow what a huge apartment building you live in.  It must feel like a grand hotel.  It has everything.!  Positively convenient. 

[Carleeta]

It's positively been somewhat of a strange although good day.  Received my epidural shot today at 3:30 pm.  I'm always anxious when I get the shots in my neck.  Believe it or not this is when I'm not happy.  I do end  up taking 10mg of valium before the procedure.  Today when I took my valium, I was all 'out of sorts'.  Since I haven't taken one in a while this hit me like a ton of bricks. My niece, who I adore, always takes me for these procedures since you need someone to drive you home.  God Bless her soul (this is the niece who drives me crazy too...lol lol lol).  Well needless to say when she walked in today, she had tears in her eyes because the rest of the family was 'called' by me to be here yesterday to finish the favors for her son's graduation party.  She just could not believe all 120 were done and she didn't have to help me finish them...lol lol lol.  She was in a panic though due to my nephew asking her if there was going to be a collage of all his schools photos from pre school to senior high.  She was up all night getting these photos ready.  When she called this am I told her to bring them over and we'd start prior to my appointment and finish after the appointment.  Now keep in mind, I did say this prior to taking the valium.  I was fine when we started then I took the valium and all of a sudden i was in SLOOOOOW MOTION.  Never ever has this happened to me before. We did realize after the procedure that I hadn't eaten all day. My pain management Dr. who I have known for years and works very closely with my son noticed I wasn't looking to well after the injection and offered me orange juice as he usually does as we always joked for a couple of years, how I come in there just for the orange juice...lol lol lol. Only this time he stated he felt I really needed it.  Once I drank it, I started to feel less light headed.  However, the valium effect had to take some time to wear off and to be  honest, I still feel it. On the positive note here, all went well with the epidural and I'm off to making 100 miniature diplomas for the rest of the center piece.  tomorrow night I will positively relax for this wonderful celebration of honor for my nephew....yipeeeee  

[FiveNotions]

My positive for the day (the week, and the month) is that I'm doing laundry ... 6 machines are jammed with pretty much everything I own that can be washed ... clothes, sheets, towels, bedspread ... this little project is going to cost me about $40 bucks, not including soap and bleach ... but I'm positively going to have crisp clean sheets to crawl between tonight, and some spankin' clean duds to wear tomorrow !

 

I'm sure this approach to laundry is a crime against God for our dear Carleeta and others of you here ... but confession is good for the soul ... and, if I could, I'd toss that into the wash also ! 

[FiveNotions]

Hi all ... here's my "happy place" for today ... you're all invited !  

 

[St. Mary's Lake, Glacier Park, Montana]

[Carleeta]

FiveNotions, your post topped all my positives for today. I had a smile from ear to ear just reading your post. So many grateful blessings I had today,although yours was the most positive I had today. Your honestly, just being you, and your confession was the brightest I could ever imagine.  I had come home from my nephew's party and had a wonderful time.  Here I am ready to post these positives,  UNTIL I read your post. I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face and all I could think of was the joy of your post and my last confession to my priest... he he he he he he....  I had gone for my Lenten confession, and the here I am confession my sins and as I started my first sin (as I thought]), my priest stated to me, "yes you and everyone else", then comes my second sin (as I thought ),  and the my priest stated to me."yes, you and everyone else", then comes my third sin (as I thought), and my priest states to me, "yes you and everyone else, please tell me no more of your sins, and do tell me what good you are doing in the world to help others".  I stated, "father, here I need help myself...lol lol lol lol...".  "Although,I cook and give to others who are very less fortunate than myself". He stated, 'Now that's what I wanted to hear,  I hear all confessions on how everyone is ready to confess their bad errors, and not enough on what good they do for others who are less fortunate and are in need."  That's where my positive post goes out to you FiveNotions. It reminded me,  and other members of this forum how your sense of humar, honesty, and love has done good for me and many others here.  

Having said that, I will post my positives tomorrow and enjoy the smiles on my face, tonight. God Bless you FiveNotions. 

[emoothart]

Positive for the day: I got to take two of my kids (who love theater) to a kids' production of The Music Man. It was excellent and I laughed out loud many times. 

[FiveNotions]

aw, Carleeta, I got all teary-eyed reading your kind words ... thank you ! (after 8 years of being "frozen" without emotions while on the poison, now I tear up at the drop of a hat ... and smile / laugh at the drop of a hat ... so good to be human again !) ...

 

You have a wonderful priest ... and I bet it gives him great joy when he gets you "in the box" !  

[Raven72]

My positive for today is that I got up and went for a walk.  Hopefully this was the start of a lasting trend to get this nasty weight off of me.

[FiveNotions]

That's great, Raven ! I took a 6 wk yoga class to "jump start" myself on the weight loss ... it helped immensely with my general sense of well-being after the worst of the withdrawal ... and, over about 5 months, without doing much else, 35 lbs approx had disappeared off my butt ... the weight-gain on crapalta was one of the suckiest side effects for sure ...

[fishinghat]

I agree FN. I have lost 54 lbs. Doesn't hurt the ego at all.  lol

[Carleeta]

My positive for today is that I got up and went for a walk.  Hopefully this was the start of a lasting trend to get this nasty weight off of me.

Wonderful, walking is so great for the body and the mind.  You'll feel much better after your walk.  Great Positive Raven....yipeeeee

[Carleeta]

That's great, Raven ! I took a 6 wk yoga class to "jump start" myself on the weight loss ... it helped immensely with my general sense of well-being after the worst of the withdrawal ... and, over about 5 months, without doing much else, 35 lbs approx had disappeared off my butt ... the weight-gain on crapalta was one of the suckiest side effects for sure ...

Yes,I remember you taking the Yoga classes.  I was so excited with your determination.  You did it, and it helped your weight, and your body.    

[Carleeta]

my positives today are I woke up after finally having a good night sleep.  These epidural steroid shots have me pumped up with so much energy  I find it difficult to sleep even with the ambien.  Speaking of ambien, I was talking with my psychiatrist the other day and we started to talk about how most prescription, including Cymbalta, along with ambien have now changed to generic. As we were talking he explained to me in detail how the generics work: he stated the generic medications are reduced appoximately 20% from what makes up the important ingredients we originally started with, with the original brand name.  Then when our pharmacies want to save money, of course,  they buy from another generic company for less money, resulting in another reduction of an important ingredient from the first, second, and third generic companies..... He knew this because he started out as a pharmacist.  Well he recommend I ask my pharmacy if they could order the first generic company for me and if not to search other pharmacies in my area to see if I can find this company with then.  It's totally amazing why we have so many problems. Then, of course, our insurance companies will not pay the cost for the name brand.  We are going to be fighting this fight for the rest of our lives, not matter what  other meds we will be taking.

This truly wasn't such a positive little piece of info, although is positively nice to get new info anyway.....

[Carleeta]

It's positively been a very active and anxiety filled day..  Went into the lab early, 6am...out by 11am.  Started to feel anxious about my upcoming work trip. It's not the flying, or hotel rooms, or even speaking to others within this training, lectures, and etc.  What is making me so anxious is......I don't feel I have an "OUT". By this I mean a "safe place".  Working I never minded because I have always been upfront how I live with anxiety and working inside of the lab (which is located in our main hospital here) I always felt if my heart started racing, and I was having a hard time breathing, I would just walk down to the ER.  Well now I"m having anticipatory anxiety thinking about not being in a hospital environment. /where is my safe place?  All these "what if's" are back in my head.  Ok. now I was talking to the other girl I am traveling with (who is petrified to fly....every time I fly with someone they are so fearful and I have no fear....figure that one out...lol lol lol) stated to me, ' you just get up and walk out and if you need to get to an ER you just go because I need to help her through the flights'.  Well this positively made me less anxious...for the moment.  Once I left the lab today I researched the closest hospitals in the area where I will be and how fast I can get there. The positive issue with this trip is I used to live in San Francisco and know the different areas of the city.  I'm still left with trying to figure out how I will get to the ER if I needed to.  I didn't use the Bart, nor the bus, nor the cable car. I drove when I lived there because I'm a very stubborn Italian New Yorker.  I have no clue how to call a taxi there and how long it would take for them to get where I am and how long it will take to get the the ER.  These of course are my negative thoughts and I'm extremely anxious at the thought of this trip.  I do however, have an escape plan which I truly DoMot want to use.My ex-husband still lives there and I know I can call him. Do I really want to do this?  No, not really.  Although I have been contemplating the idea back and forth in my head.  I truly don't want him to even know I will be in the area.  If I do choose to use this route, I will have to call him and let him know I'll be there,  I know he would get me to the ER and fast..   My out is just to call him, let him know I'll be there, and I might or might not have a no. 10 panic attack, and he knows how to handle it from there.  Just knowing I have an OUT, I'll probably be just fine.  I'm just positively uncomfortable with this upcoming business trip.  My anxiety level has been at a level 5 and 6. I'm clammy, heart racing, and heavy chest.  I know if I keep going on with the 5 and 6 it will eventually rise to a 8 and that's when my Valium will not be working because it will be too high.  This is positively a very very very bad anxiety level.  I need to go on this business trip because I'm only part time there, the season is slow, I'm qualified (well that part is positive) and Eileen (the other micro tech) chose me to go with her because we work extremely well together.  I know the technical computer aspect along with the micro part.  She is extremely knowledgeable in Micro.  There are so many positives to this business trip, although I'm losing track and turning inward.  Well I positively need to distract myself from thinking about the negative here.  Yes me, I have had these negative thoughts slowly creeping for the past few days and it's getting the best of me.  I need to positively and seriously think about what I need to do.  On that note....I'm off to wash my floors which do not really need washing right now.......hmmmmmm

[FiveNotions]

Oh, Carleeta, yes ... the "anticipatory anxiety" ... and travel ... yep, totally understand ...

 

Yet, in the midst of all that, I can see clearly that you've got a plan, and that you're continuing to develop "the plan" ... I like the idea of alerting your ex ... although, for sure, that likely does come with its own type of anxiety ... however, it seems prudent to me, and worth considering seriously / doing ....

 

I feel like I shouldn't make other suggestions, as I currently find myself afraid to travel at all ... haven't been away from home overnight since before the withdrawal ordeal ...

 

But, that said, of course I can't resist tossing out a couple of things ... that I'm using myself as I gently work towards making a trip later this summer (a few days for a prayer retreat) ...

 

here goes ...  1) don't think of the whole thing, break it down into manageable chunks/pieces ... single days (single hours, or minutes, if need be) ... 2) identify a "safe place" in each location where you'll be (hotel room, for sure, then, during the day, a lounge or cafe corner, heck, even a bathroom) and give yourself permission to retreat there as needed ... 3) tell at least one person (sounds like you've got that already) you'll be with about your anxiety and how to help you if it hits ... 4) taxis in SF are great (leastwise, they used to be) ... and what about setting yourself up with UBER on your iPhone ... 5) print out maps before you go and identify locations on them ... 6) stay in touch with us here on the forum via iPad, laptop, whatever ... 7) what about taking an emergency supply of benzos, "just in case" ?

 

Also, is your plane ticket set up for an "open return" ? That's something I've thought of for if I (ever) make a trip farther than driving distance ... knowing that I can just head to the airport and get on the next available plane home is something that gives me a sense of calm and control ...

 

And, above all else, keep talking to us about all this as you move toward the trip itself ... whatever you do, don't let any of the feelings get bottled up inside !

 

BTW, if you run out of floors to wash to keep your mind occupied, I've got some that sure could use some help !  ;-)   [darn emojis don't work today, just when I need 'em most]

[gail]

Oh Carleeta, I can relate to this fear. On and on and on goes the mind.

I was wondering here, what does the ER do for panic attacks, besides giving you benzos to calm down?

[FiveNotions]

The one time that I went to the ER with a panic attack, they hooked me up with all sorts of monitors, insisting I was having heart attack symptoms ... ignoring what I was saying about the panic ... and 4 weeks later I got a bill for $5,000 ... and another panic attack   

[gail]

Five thousand dollars??? No joke?

Cost nothing here, but then you have to be half dead to be seen within reasonable time.
Was there twice two weeks ago, following the scopies. First time, blood pressure 215 over 100 something and pain. Fours hours later, went home without being seen. Day after, went in almost on my knees crying like crazy, they put me straight in a cubicle with tubes all over the place.

La morale, when you go to ER here, you better be in full pain, and on your knees or stay home!

[Carleeta]

Oh, Carleeta, yes ... the "anticipatory anxiety" ... and travel ... yep, totally understand ...

 

Yet, in the midst of all that, I can see clearly that you've got a plan, and that you're continuing to develop "the plan" ... I like the idea of alerting your ex ... although, for sure, that likely does come with its own type of anxiety ... however, it seems prudent to me, and worth considering seriously / doing ....

 

I feel like I shouldn't make other suggestions, as I currently find myself afraid to travel at all ... haven't been away from home overnight since before the withdrawal ordeal ...

 

But, that said, of course I can't resist tossing out a couple of things ... that I'm using myself as I gently work towards making a trip later this summer (a few days for a prayer retreat) ...

 

here goes ...  1) don't think of the whole thing, break it down into manageable chunks/pieces ... single days (single hours, or minutes, if need be) ... 2) identify a "safe place" in each location where you'll be (hotel room, for sure, then, during the day, a lounge or cafe corner, heck, even a bathroom) and give yourself permission to retreat there as needed ... 3) tell at least one person (sounds like you've got that already) you'll be with about your anxiety and how to help you if it hits ... 4) taxis in SF are great (leastwise, they used to be) ... and what about setting yourself up with UBER on your iPhone ... 5) print out maps before you go and identify locations on them ... 6) stay in touch with us here on the forum via iPad, laptop, whatever ... 7) what about taking an emergency supply of benzos, "just in case" ?

 

Also, is your plane ticket set up for an "open return" ? That's something I've thought of for if I (ever) make a trip farther than driving distance ... knowing that I can just head to the airport and get on the next available plane home is something that gives me a sense of calm and control ...

 

And, above all else, keep talking to us about all this as you move toward the trip itself ... whatever you do, don't let any of the feelings get bottled up inside !

 

BTW, if you run out of floors to wash to keep your mind occupied, I've got some that sure could use some help !  ;-)   [darn emojis don't work today, just when I need 'em most]

 

FN.  Thank you for the wonderful ideas.  This has helped me add to my list of "must have's".  Yes, my laptop, tablet, and cell phone will definitely be with me.  I'm planning on making sure I check in everyday with all of you.  My ex-husband does still work at the main hospitals in SF. I've already mapped out where our hotel (Hotel Drisco)  is in close proximity of St. Marys Medical Center.   Now there will be some other areas we will be working at in and around SF (one is Daly City). This is where i need to find an ER or medical center to locate close by.  I oo keep in contact with a few of  my ex-husbands cousins.  Although, I did think to call a few of my ex-husbands cousins who I still keep in contact with just to let them know I'll be there and possibly find out more information on hospitals in Daly City or close by.  They surely wouldn't let my ex-husband know I was there if I didn't want them to.  I'm coming up with a few little things in my head and I feel a bit more confident now, although still not 90%.  Just started using my 10 second countdown techniques a few nights ago. They seem to be keeping me at a level 4 right now.  Which is good.  If all else fails, and I'm not able to shake this 4 down to a 2 I'll just call my ex and feel free enough.  I know he will be ever so great in helping me at the drop of a hot. I am blessed and lucky to have that.  Then, my negative thought came in as to whether or not he himself will be in the area when I'm there (once again a negative thought).  I'll just give it a few more days and make the decision then.  I was just thinking....lol lol lol lol.  If I told him I was there and what I may or may not need, I picture him sitting outside every door I walk in or out...lol lol lol lol.  Oh my I couldn't take that, I certainly would have a level 10 attack every place there...lol lol lol lol lol.    My son, on the other hand, isn't sure what to make of this... He knows I handle my anxiety well, he also knows how tension builds with traveling and business meetings.  He does understand how I'm not excited to be around his father and I totally block him out.  lol lol lol. What my son doesn't understand is, for all the years he and I worked together he was never asked to travel....lol lol lol lol lol.  there was really no reason for anyone in Micro to travel at a prior time...lol lol  lol lol.  Just knowing all you've suggested FN and a few added things I didn't think about has me sitting here pretty steady with anxiety.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.