1908 replies to this topic

[TryinginFL]

FN

 

The biggest positive of the day is YOU - your spark and eloquence have been sorely missed!  We all know how busy you are and that what you are doing is not only necessary, but happy to know what it is doing for you - constructively!

 

I understand the feeling of being "a step behind" - I find myself there as well, but hopefully this is not noticeable to others...

 

In answer to your question, there has been no appearance by either TM or FH - sadly.

 

Many thanks for being here with us tonite - we NEED you!!

[FiveNotions]

aw, gee, TFL, what a lovely thing for you to say ... fact is, it's me who needs all of you !

[FiveNotions]

hey, BTW, where's Carleeta? I'm trying to catch up on everyone's posts, and I'm not seeing anything from her. Is she ok? Or just "out and about" being Carleeta?

[TryinginFL]

FN,

 

Good question!  She has not been on for over 2 weeks - have sent her 2 PMs and not received any answer.  I'm really getting worried about her.  I know that her pain was really bad... 

[Clara]

Makes perfect sense to me. FN! I am the same way! I just hope and pray I make sense to others! haha! Keep up the good work! Reflecting back... I wish I could, I find myself avoiding the past, even the recent past and I cannot figure out why! Duh! Anywho we press on! As for FH and TM, I haven't seen anything! I sure wish they would come back with their knowledge, wisdom, and wit! Guys, if you read this. come back and update us!!! Hugs for all! Off to my volunteer job shortly. What a blessing it is. It ain't much but it gets me out and about for a few hours on Tues and Fridays and allows me to help others in a small way! God bless all!

[jimmcg]

Big positive a couple of days ago, though it seemed like a negative. After 20 pretty intensitive therapy sessions we've determined that my major issue (other than anti-depressant continuation) is not pure depression, but an anxiety disorder. Sounds like bad news, not good, but at least it narrows down the problem and gives me some focus.

 

Gotta wonder how one can get to 60 years old and not realize this is the central issue, but all the evidence fits, all the way back to childhood behaviours. As soon as my therapist suggested it, a whole bunch of puzzle pieces fell into place, and it all seemed obvious. I do have depression, but iI don't have the classic symptoms of lethargy and not being able to get out bed. I'm a bit of a go-getter. I do too much, not too little! My depression comes and goes, and is discouraging but not debilitating. But I do have a lot of what I now realize are anxiety/panic attacks, and social anxiety makes me isolate at times when I really need to be around people. Anxiety prevents me from doing things that would contribute to my happiness.

 

So -- good news.  I guess.

 

j

[Clara]

jimmcg, I understand the isolation and withdrawal from society! I did it myself after leaving my job of 37 years. I just dropped off the radar for about a year and a half. I am just now starting to force myself back into the world, It's not easy. I am a go getter also, and I want tot do do do, but I am having to take it in baby steps. Getting back into church and volunteering a few hours a week is helping. I just have to try to keep from over committing myself. God bless!

[TryinginFL]

My positive for today (and I sure haven't had any for a LONG time!)...

 

Having a mani and pedi - hopefully this will lift my mood some....

 

Have really been in a funk lately!

[Limbo]

Good news! I had a severe setback on the weekend. I really felt as though I wanted to die, and not passively, I scared myself. 

After such a hard time, I got to work today, and feel more solid on my feet. The setback has passed, and I feel excited about moving forward. 

 

So, in summary, the good news is that it took very little time to rebound from a big setback. 

 

As Mandela says:

 

'The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling,but in rising every time we fall.'

[Clara]

Great news Limbo and TFL! In a funk today myself! Hubby and I rang the bells for the Salvation Army for 2 hours this am.. felt great greeting folks, wishing Merry Christmas...... went into Wally World afterward to pick up a few things and I felt a crash coming on and I am just heartsick about it! No, I'm not sick, not really depressed, just tired, blue and sick of it!!!! the never knowing when the crash is coming and having it hit when having a "good day" is just driving me NUTS! It's such a beautiful warm sunny day here in SC and here I am with the mully grubs in a big way and just so angry about it I could eat nails. Sorry, y'all just had to get it out! Feelin' like the Grinch! UGH!!!!!!!

[gail]

Limbo,

Oh those set backs, can I ever relate to them.

One day you want to die and the next day you wake up as if nothing had happened. So glad for you that it lasted a few days.

Aren't those times mind boggling!

[gail]

My positive for today is that I started posting again!

Clara, eat nails? Liz got hers done today! As you live far away from each other, her nails are in no danger...

As I said earlier, those crashes are so mind boggling.
It is great that you are helping others in need.

[Limbo]

They really are!

It's intimidating to know how quickly the mind can shift its perspective!

I guess the minds, literally, drugging itself in the withdrawal...

Before, when I was depressed, at least I wasn't certain about it, I questioned everything. When I get sad on cymbalta, I'm so sure that it's the end, I'm so convinced that I'm right in my sorrow. 

 

I think that's where the black box label comes from - the drug makes you either think, or believe your dark thoughts with certainty. 

 

On the weekend, I had this image, (and it's corny/darkly humorous) that I was like Frodo (Lord of the Rings). I was thinking of the scene where he's nearly died from the long journey with the ring. In this scene, he is standing above a huge pit of fire, in the depths of 'mount doom'. He has come there to rid himself of this powerful ring, this burden. After the long journey, he is hardly able to stand at the edge of the massive fire pit with the ring in hand. Just before he rids himself of this burden,  he finds that he struggles.He is about to let go so that it can finally be destroyed, but somehow, he can't. He wavers. He's grown attached to the darkness and it's powerful pull. It takes all his effort to let go of it, and in doing so, he nearly loses himself. 

 

How's that for some crazy imagery? There is no better scene to visually show how it feels to be on the edge of doom

[Clara]

Hahaha, gail, I was referring to ten penny or roofing nails! It was that bad yesterday!!! Today is gonna be better! Blessings, love, hugs, and prayers for all!

[gail]

Clara, yes today is better or gonna be better.

Nails, well, was not sure of which you were talking about, some English expressions I know nothing about.

I will use it, not today though!

[TryinginFL]

Yaaaay!!!!   Massage today...

 

Took a Hydrocodone now before I leave, as sometimes it is REALLY painful!

 

 

(It sure has been quiet on the forum the past couple of days - where is everybody?   Feeling lonesome here....)

[gail]

Liz, quite a week for you with manicure, pedicure, massage!

Yep, it is quiet.

Lately, many of us are having a rough time.

And don't feel like posting, I can understand this. I, myself do the same and prefer just to read posts in those times.

Since I am here posting, this is a good sign for myself.

Would not have shown up last week, a real depressed week, and it has passed. So, here I am, in no need to eat nails. Thanks Clara for this expression.

[Clara]

Hi liz and gail! I was thinking it was quite on the forum myself this morning! Thinking also that it's a good thing! I know there are lots of sufferers out there and pray for those who haven't found a help such as our forum, but for us here, maybe quite is meaning we are all doing better! Maybe not great as we'd like, but better! Some days I just have to accept that, better, is good! Make sense? Well, maybe not! The old brain just doesn't function well at times, maybe it's ok that I make sense to myself! LOL! Love, hugs and prayers, y'all!

[kathyms3150]

Hi Ladies, I haven't posted for awhile because I'm having a lot of anxiety, depression and not sleeping well. Back in September and the beginning of October I was feeling pretty decent, but for the past couple months have been feeling so bad. I didn't think these setbacks would last so long, I wonder if I'll ever feel better again.

[Clara]

kathyms3150, hang in there! Having sleeping problems and some anxiety myself, but as I posted earlier..... better.. much better than a year ago and for that I am ever so grateful! I'm just determined to weather this out and pray for healing, strength, joy and peace for all of us!!! Hugs!!!!!

[TryinginFL]

Gail,

 

So glad there is no need to eat nails this week - happy that you are feeling better!

 

Clara and Kathy,

 

Understand about not feeling great and just wanting to read the posts - am there at times myself!  Today is better, but tomorrow - who knows?  

[gail]

Hi there, goes to show you how we act differently when in pain or torment.

Some posts while feeling good and others dont

Some posts while feeling like shit and others don't.

Unique we are.

As Liz said, today is better and who knows about tomorrow?
Just hope for the day that we can stabilize for more than a month?

OK, 2 weeks at least, without thinking of nails!

[gail]

Kathy,

We all wonder the same thing, that is Will we ever feel good again.

Two months is a long run here for feeling like shit.

And when you least expect it, the sun comes through the clouds.

You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

Having a good patch here, I had seven days straight, day in and day out of depression, mixed with spiritual crisis, and it cleared.

For the moment it is quiet, I dont know about tomorrow.

Mixed up a bit, but I think that you have reinstated on another ad, is that right? Any kind of relief, however small?

Eyes shutting up here, dodo time. Keep posting Kathy, lovexx

[DoneWithCrap]

I went to my son's chorus concert tonight. I'm so grateful that I had my ear plugs. 

Lol Their singing is beautiful but I can't handle the volume. Especially when the audience claps. It is like cymbals crashing in my head.

I have an appointment with audiology tomorrow then I'll see my ENT Dr for the results. Hopefully they will have some answers for why I'm so hyper sensitive to certain sounds. I get disoriented and have a hard time walking. It is really embarrasing   

[TryinginFL]

Renee,

 

Has this trouble with sounds been part of your withdrawal/discontinuation process?  I'm so sorry - I would imagine it would drive you nuts!   So happy you have the ear plugs..

 

Is it the noise and what it does to your ears that then make you unsteady?  Understandably, the ear pressure contributes to that.  I wish you luck at your Dr.'s tomorrow - I hope that something can be done to help you.

 

Hugs,

Liz

[TryinginFL]

Today is therapist day....   usually makes me feel better!

 

Hopefully a positive! 

[gail]

My goodness Liz, good thing you don't work, you wouldn't have time!

Quite a heavy schedule for you this week.

As you said, surely a positive, see you!

[DoneWithCrap]

Hi Liz 

 

I went for a hearing test today and I have perfect hearing. I already knew that because I hear every little sound and enything above "indoor voices" is too loud for me.

I need to have an MRI and a balance test done next week. 

I'm just so exhausted. The technician that did my hearing test said this could all be drug related and because I'm a benzo, it could interfere with the results of the balance test.

 

It seems that I have a problem with my inner ear. Certain sounds make me disoriented. This causes me to stiffen up which causes pain. Imagine if every step you took was a leap of faith as to weather there was going to be something for you to land on. That is how I feel much of the time. It is especially triggered by noise and bright lights.

 

No wonder I'm depressed   

[brzghoff]

Hi Liz 

 

I went for a hearing test today and I have perfect hearing. I already knew that because I hear every little sound and enything above "indoor voices" is too loud for me.

I need to have an MRI and a balance test done next week. 

I'm just so exhausted. The technician that did my hearing test said this could all be drug related and because I'm a benzo, it could interfere with the results of the balance test.

 

It seems that I have a problem with my inner ear. Certain sounds make me disoriented. This causes me to stiffen up which causes pain. Imagine if every step you took was a leap of faith as to weather there was going to be something for you to land on. That is how I feel much of the time. It is especially triggered by noise and bright lights.

 

No wonder I'm depressed   

 

 

Renee,

 

sounds like you have "more than perfect" hearing ;-) did your audiologist test you for Loudness Discomfort Level (LDL) ? normal is 85-90+ db

 

i was reading about hyperacusis at this web site http://www.hyperacus...ity/default.asp the main page of the web site is http://www.hyperacusis.net

 

i learned about the condition on an episode of 20/20 this past summer. here is the segment

 

[gail]

Brz, very interesting.

I am sure that Renee will appreciate this.