1908 replies to this topic

[TryinginFL]

Clara,

 

How wonderful that the tinnitus has finally left you!  What a relief that must be!  That is one of the symptoms that I didn't have.

 

I also have a bad lower back and hips - afraid that "Arthur" has moved in permanently, but I didn't invite him!  I'm so sorry that you go through all of those horrible sensations when you feel the need to go to the Dr. I am on my 3rd PCP since I started on the Crapalta -2nd one wanted to put me back on it - that was the end of him and I only saw him 3 times!  I now have a  woman Dr., whom I really like.  Hope this one continues to work out for me.  She was recommended by my therapist.

 

I am also lonely as I live alone with my 2 dogs, but you're right - church does help and God will help us in his time. 

 

I have now been off this crap for 10 1/2 months - how long is it for you now?  I also tire easily and sleep issues continue to plague me, but for the most part, I am OK..  The therapeutic massages help as I have fibro as well.  Tomorrow is massage day!

 

Please continue to post Clara - we like to know how you are doing!

 

Love and hugs,

Liz

[gail]

Clara,

What a wonderful spiritual post. I enjoyed reading it. Lifts me up.

Thank you for your prayers, and again nice to see you back. And the reminders about our Creator, I love to hear about Him.

I wish you well and hope that Arthur goes on vacation for a while, Tinnitus could use a companion perhaps!

[xman]

My positive getting support and live from Liz😘

[TryinginFL]

xman,

 

Thank you for those kind, caring words...  I have tears.

 

Much love,

Liz

[ShadyLady]

Wow! So glad to see your post, FN! I have missed you terribly, friend. Excellent posts from you and Clara. Made my day. I have been so sick with the FLU since a week ago this past Sunday. I didn't get around to getting a flu shot soon enough apparently. Thought flu season was later than now. Oy:(. First day back on forum in 10 days as I couldn't read or even watch tv until a couple days ago as my head and eyeballs were bursting with pain.

Just checking in and so happy you are okay. I have done alot of praying for everyone here as I that is all I was able to do for days. What a blessing to sign on and see your post. Loved your post as well, Clara.


TFL and Gail have been working overtime, along with Brz, as I read all of the notifications I've missed!

PS-I found my 'shitty' teeth after three piles of poo and crazy glued them in! The follow up to my Halloween nightmare. I see the 'tooth fairy' Thursday. Too sick to go in last week. Good grief!!

[ZappAlta]

O' myyyy I missed that 'Teeth post '  Shady    Greetings to the new and dedicated posters !!!

[Clara]

Good mornin' all! Thanks so much for the encouragement! Liz, I am almost a full year off the Crap! I'm grateful for what's left of my brain! I just get very frustrated about what I've lost, but continue to press on! Love hugs and prayers for all!

[FiveNotions]

good morning all !

 

Here are my positives .... Blabbing here yesterday was better for me than a whole bottle of clonidine!  I actually got 6 straight hours of good sleep last night, only woke up with the big A once, and it wasn't at all as bad as it had been, was able to do a bathroom run and "walk (pee?) it off" as they say ... and, I was able to actually eat, and keep down, some food ... granted, I'm still back to my old "beige diet" of withdrawal ... oatmeal, mashed potatoes, toast, crackers, soup, etc ... but it's food ... and that's another positive ... and the really positive positive for me for yesterday, is that after "dumping the junk" here, I was able to focus on this work gig, and "produce" more than I have since the project started ... hence, I think I've taken myself off the "we may need to drop her from the team" list ... thank you all, for keeping me employed   

 

I see from above that I've been missing out on some "ShadyLady adventures" ... got lots of catch up reading to do for sure!

 

What I'm learning from this "back in the world" experience (experiment?) is that there really is a whole new phase of post-Cymbalta ... first we go through the hard withdrawal ... actually getting the drug out of our system (4-5 days), then the "discontinuation" phase .... another few months, and then, gradually, we move into more of a "recovery" or healing phase ... and the recovery I think, at least for those of us who've had the roughest times with this poison (Bless those lucky souls who arrive here, stay briefly, and are able to bounce back and move on!) ... we "long timers" ... well, we all seem to be a bit older, have other health issues in addition to the depression or whatever the hell got us put on crapalta, not have been/be in the best general physical shape, etc ... well, recovery for us is, I think now, at least for me, going to be for the rest of my life ...

 

I think I've finally accepted that ... another positive, in an odd way ... it means I don't any longer feel like I'm fighting to "get back to what I was" ... either before withdrawal, or before Cymbalta ... I'm just where I am now, learning what I can ... and can't ... do ... and how to take care of myself, manage the remaining issues, and focus on what ThisMoment always said ... "the quality of life" ... I can't do all the things I used to, so I need to choose the few most important things, and try to do those ... or even one thing ... be it church, or a hobby. whatever ...

 

As I'm starting to accept where, who, what I am now, there's quite a bit of peace that comes with that ... I just tell people, no, I can't do that, or I have to leave, or I need to rest/take a nap ... if they don't like it or don't understand, so be it....that's them, not me ...

 

Ok, dear friends, it's time for me to sign off .. PBS is having an "in-person" trainng for us today, and it's a 45 min trip from my apartment... bus and subway ... starts at 11 am, so I'm going to leave here with lots of extra time, keep my stress as low as possible, and will do my best to check in here tonight ... or tomorrow morning ...

 

xox

[FiveNotions]

Clara, hi! Congrats on the almost year off ! I'm at 11 1/2 months about .... right about where you are ... TFL is in range of a year, too ... we need to have a "cyber party" ... like we did for EquusWoman's count-down to her "last bead" ...

[Clara]

Great post, FN! Hang in there! TM is right, quality of life, and I feel positive our quality is gonna keep getting better! How I miss TM and our dear Fishinghat! Hope they are doing well!

[TryinginFL]

Shady,

 

Sorry it took 3 poops for you to regain your teeth - what a fun experience that must have been!

 

It will be nice to get your pretty new ones!  

[gail]

Xman, long time no see. How are you doing?

Zappalta, go back to read the adventure from Shady on Oct 31rst.
It was quite something.

Sounds as though the forum is more alive, I like that.

Fn, great post concerning our limits, and accepting them.

[Amysgarden]

Actually have a day off due to weather, so thought I'd pop in and see what's going on. I'm a little more than 3 1/2 months off the crap, and I guess things are getting better....or maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome! LOL! The weight loss I've had is making my job difficult sometimes, as I've less padding and insulation, in a manner of speaking. Kind of weird to be upset by weight loss, I know. But I spent years underweight, and I was kind of enjoying not being chilled all the time.

But I'm not complaining. I am amazed, and maybe a little disturbed, that mentally/emotionally I am better than I can remember in many years. It really makes me wonder how much was depression and how much was meds. I was very concerned about sliding into a deep depression, as it is late fall, and SAD is a huge issue this far north. But so far it's nothing serious.

So now that I have the day off, it's time to kick back, make some coffee, watch Palladia, maybe take a nap.

[Clara]

Yay AG! You sound great! The weight loss... I liked it to begin with but am a little concerned cuz I'm below my high school weight. Just not much of an appetite esp' in the am, end up going all day w/out eating then being worn out by the end of the day.  So happy for you AG that you are happy and at peace! I'm almost a year off and still waiting on "normal", lol! But thank God I am wonderful compared to this time last year! In the words of Carleeta Yippee!!!!! Hugs, love and prayers for all!

[TryinginFL]

Hey Amy!

 

So good to see your post - it's been a while!

 

I'm happy to hear that you are feeling so much better!  You are a marvel at only 3 1/2 months off.  I was a basket case at that point - I'm sure I'm much older than you, as well!   We all seem to experience the weight loss due to lack of appetite...    I'm happy with it and would still like to lose a little more!

 

I hope that you have been enjoying your day!

 

Hugs,

Liz

[jimmcg]

Just checking in here for the first time, and very glad to learn how un-alone I am!  I was on anti-depressants for 22 years after kicking a drug problem in treatment. Started with clomipramine, then Effexor, finally that last few years on Cymbalta. About to turn 60 and figured it was time to take the plunge, so I tapered from 60 to 30 in June, then went cold turkey in August. No brain zaps, but general depression, mood swings, anxiety attacks, loss of appetite and general unwell feelings: like a touch of the flu, especially in the mornings. Strange experiences too:  like I'll be having a down day, then all of a sudden I get this "hit" of bouyancy, as if the sun just came out in my mind and in the space of 20 seconds I'm cheerful. It lasts about two minutes, then passes as quickly as it came.  I'm getting some pretty serious therapy twice a week as well. I'm fortunate in that I don't have any major trauma to deal with, just a lifetime of dysthymia (chronic low-grade depression) and ingrained patterns of not taking emotional care of myself. Fortuanately the long-ago drug cravings haven't returned.  The worst is when I get depressed about being depressed -- feeling badly about feeling badly. I keep trying to remind myself that after 22 years on meds my body needs time to re-learn how to manufacture what it hasn't had to manufacture in a long time. But in the midst of day-to-day life it's easy to forget this, especially after a bad night's sleep, and I really get discouraged. I've got people in my life who need me and count on me and I have to be strong. That helps keep me going but too often I cry alone. It's hard not knowing how long this will last and not being sure if even if it will ever stop.

[TryinginFL]

Welcome jimmcg!

 

You have found a great group of people here - we will help you to get through this!

 

If I understand correctly, you have been off this poison for about 4 months now, right?  We have all experienced those horrible withdrawal side effects but they will end!

Since we are all different, some of the things last longer than others, and there really is no time line here.  It is over when it's over.

 

The mood swings are indeed unpredictable and really difficult to deal with - especially if you have others that need you.  I live alone and had no support except for these wonderful people here and don't know how I would have made it without them.  I have been off this crap for 11 months now and went cold turkey from 60mg.  It has been one hell of a year...

 

I wish you the best, and please feel free to post with any questions and venting that you need...

 

Remember to be kind to yourself

 

Liz

[jimmcg]

Yes, Liz, off for three months -- not a long time yet, I know. Here's my great unknown:  22 years on meds, and before that I self-medicated with low-grade addictions to pot and pills for 19 years. So after 40 years on drugs of some kind, I have no idea what the "real" me actually is!

 

J.

[jimmcg]

By the way, I'm grateful for the immediate weight loss, and for the feeling of being clean. Hey, I can actually donate blood now!

[TryinginFL]

Not to worry...

 

None of us stay the same over a period of months, years, no matter what.  With or without drugs, we will never remain the same - we are always changing.  It will probably be a surprise when you find out who you are as time goes on!

 

Congratulations on the weight loss!  I know the feeling - it's wonderful, isn't it?  I would still like to lose a little more, but most has already come off.

 

You sound as if you are happy with where you are and that's wonderful!  You should feel great about yourself!   This is not an easy thing to do - as a matter of fact, it's one of the hardest things I've done in my life.  Judging from where you are right now, I know that you will make it - you'll be OK!!

 

It has been said that getting off this crap is worse than getting off heroin - now that's something! 

 

Thanks so much for sharing and please come back whenever you like - we want to know how you are doing and we want to help!

[gail]

JIM,

Wellcome to the forum, you are three months off. Marking point for many to begin having good days, or good hours, whatever. The worst is behind.

That feeling of being depressed for being depressed, feeling bad because you are feeling bad, I know what you mean by this. When we do this, we magnify it 1000 times. It is hard to let it be. If we could just say, fine, I am depressed for now, I feel bad at the moment, it is what it is for now. We must learn to do this. Hard, I know, still fighting this myself.

You got a few positives going for you, losing weight, two minutes of well being, system clean from the shit.

Nobody knows how long this will last. I am at nine months, I would say it is half good and half so so. And I got bad days, tapering the Valium at the same time.

I will never be the same, but the values remain.

Post as often as you need, we have been there, and we know this is a very uncomfortable trip.

We had a member, much loved, that used to compare discontinuation with a broken heart. A broken heart cannot be mended quickly, it needs a lot of time to heal. Same goes here with the brain.

[DoneWithCrap]

I have a positive for today!

I drove to the football game. The earplugs prevented any vestibular neuritis and the Patriots beat the Lions!

The traffic for the ride home was pretty bad but I was able to handle it. I'm glad I went 

[gail]

Renee, you made it! Glad for you. Brave, you are.

What seemed to be a hurdle turned out OK. Go Renee go!

[TryinginFL]

Bravo, Renee!!!

 

Did your son go too?  So happy your team won and everything worked out so well!  (Bears won too!!)

[Clara]

Yay renee! and welcome JIm! Jim you sound great for such a short time off C. Yep the emotions and feelings of being unwell ( for lack of a better term) get to me. They come and go at random and it's frustrating to say the least but much much better than this time last year in the midst of horrid w/ds! I'm grateful and keep pushing forward one day at a time! Love hugs and prayers all!

[DoneWithCrap]

TFL my son did go to the game and my youngest son and daughter. I didn't want to make him drive unless I couldn't drive myself because he had to drive back down to RI for school in the morning. He is a senior kinesiology major at URI. He has a 3 to 3.5 hour drive from my house. it took 2 hours to drive home from the game with the traffic. I didn't want him to be too tired to drive back to his house tonight.Plus since he came up for the game, he needs to study for tomorrow's test once he gets back to his place.

 

He will be back home this Tuesday for Thanksgiving. He wants to interview me for a project he is doing in 1 of his classae on chronic illness. He chose to do the paper on Cynbalta withdrawal 

Proud momma I am

[TryinginFL]

Whooopeee for you and your son, Renee!!  That's wonderful! 

 

I know that you will be a perfect subject for him -  I wish him the best of luck on his paper!  

[DoneWithCrap]

Thank you Liz. I will probably lead him to this forum for more information than I can provide alone

[TryinginFL]

He will probably find more than he can use!

[FiveNotions]

Hi all, I'm "on strike" from work ... just can't do any more on either of the 2 jobs for the rest of today ... so, came straight here, to try to catch up with all the "goings on" and get myself inspired to keep on trudging ... Renee, that is one awesome son you've raised .... and for him to want to do his paper on "crapalta" is amazing ... yep, after you've shared your perspective with him, show him the forum ... he'll learn a whole lot here for sure

 

I guess I should post a bit of an update ... positive of course ... hehehe ... about what's going on with me ... I'm almost halfway through the 8 weeks of the 40 hr/week temp job ... and as of this week, I'll have the rent for both November (uh, yeah, was a little late with that payment) and December ... plus about 1/2 of Jan. set aside in the bank ... all good .... and, my ongoing PT gig for the blind grad student continues to provide me with my "living expenses" ... he pays me in cash

 

I seem to holding my own with the anxiety ... thanks to clonidine ... which I'm taking every 8 hours ... 0.1 mg, about 3 times a day ... if it's a "bad" day, I take it every 6 hrs .... saw my poor folks' clinic shrink last Friday ... she refuses, still, to believe that the anxiety has anything to do with the crapalta withdrawal, which she insists doesn't exist ... so, I just let her blab on about how this is all due only to me going back to work after not working for 16 months ... she's reverted to thinking that I hadn't worked simply because I was "laid off" ... which I never told her ... but, I'm just going along with whatever story line seems to make her happy ... as long as she gives me the clonidine Rx ...

 

"Re-entering" life / the world after the withdrawal experience is truly a whole new phase of healing/recovery ... and, once this 8 week job is over, I'm hoping to have the time to reflect on this phase, and write more about it .... I do know, already, and I think I've posted this here recently already, that I've had some cognitive damage (not just due to age) from the Cymbalta and withdrawal ... I can "cover it up" pretty well now ... I see it both in my thought process and in how I interact with people as I go through my day ... I'm "slow" in some odd sort of way ... I sort of watch myself from inside, and there's a tiny gap between what's going on outside of me, and the time in which I respond ... I sort of have to tell myself what to do and say ... it doesn't come "automatically" anymore ...

 

Does that make any sense?

 

Another thing I know .... I owe my life to this forum and all of you here now, and those of us who were here when I arrived but have moved on ... especially ThisMoment and Fishinghat ...

 

by any chance have either of them stopped in here while I've been away?