hello forum friends, I'm finally checking in to confirm that I'm positively still alive, and yes, I'm really up/awake at 4:45 a.m.... it's been so long since I've been here, that it's almost impossible to tell you everything ... but I'll "dump" a bit here, as it's high time I got back to being part of this wonderful place and group of fellow survivors 
another positive .... I positively miss being here, on the forum, beyond description ... I can see that I've missed out on so much news and goings on, haven't been here to greet our new members ... and I have positively realized what an essential part of my life this place, and all of you, are ... 
I've made it through two full weeks of "the job from hell" .. and have 6 more weeks to go....(you new folks likely don't know the "back story" to all this, and I'm not going to try to explain right now... just say that I went cold turkey off crapalta last December, and had 4-6 months of hell, and was unable to work ... ran through all my savings to support myself, and by June the pressure to get back to work put me into horrible anxiety ... I was blessed to get a little 15-20 hrs a week as an assistant to a blind grad student, but that turned out not to be enuf to pay the rent, so, I ended up taking an 8 week, 40 hr a week temp assignment through an agency ... that's taken the financial pressure off me, but the physical/mental pressure/anxiety is way way more than anything I've experienced during my withdrawal/healing phases... I've gone from working 0 hrs a week to working 50-60 ... kinda' like going from being a beat up old Model T to a Maserati ... 
I'm -- positively -- struggling, for sure, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing the 40 hr a week temp job ... but I'm going to keep plugging as long as I can ... without going into detail (that would require you all to get a library science degree to understand), there's a "team" of us librarians working for PBS, checking resources that are in their online teacher's resource ... 12,000 of them total need to be checked, corrected, etc... we started out with 13 librarians, "lost" 6 or 7 the first week cuz they couldn't keep up ... so, we're now a smaller group, with more work to do for each of us, and just 8 weeks in which to do it...
this gig reminds me of that Charlie Chaplin film, "Modern Times" ... assembly line production, faster and faster and faster ...it's positively the most boring job I've ever had ...
I no longer can think/work as fast as I used to ... I'm confronting the cognitive deficits that I've been left with by withdrawal ... and the only thing that's saved me so far is that this is a totally telecommute job, so I can take naps as needed, and work any hours I want to ...
the total bummer is that the anxiety has ratcheted up to an almost unbearable level ... I'm still taking the clonidine, and it's a life saver ... had to up the dose to .4 mg a day, spread out in several doses ... the valium/diazepam doesn't do much of anything, as what I'm having are those awful "adrenaline dumps" ... clonidine stops that in it's track, but there's a limit to how much I can take, and how often ... since it's originally intended as a bp med, too much and I'll end up with a bp of 000/000 .... totally chilled out, in the morgue! 
November 4th marked the start of my 11th month off crapalta ... that's so hard to believe! Trying to work like I am has shown me two things -- how far I've come in healing, physically and mentally/emotionally .. and, how much likely permanent damage the poison ... and hard withdrawal has done to me ...
For all of our new members, welcome ... and if I can say one thing, it's this ... DO NOT quit crapalta cold turkey like I did, unless you have absolutely no choice (which I didn't have, lost my insurance) ... go slow ... give your brain and body every possible chance, all the time they need, to get rid of this poison, and to do the healing they need to do ...
well, I've blabbed on rather incoherently here, that's what happens when I stay away too long and let "stuff" build up ... I'm going to make a huge effort to log on here first thing in the mornings, before I "log on" to my "assembly line" job ... and to stop by at the end of my day ...
Another thing for our new members ... no one, I repeat no one, other than someone who has been through this experience with Cymbalta, can understand what you're feeling and struggling with ... no doc, no shrink, no therapist ... not your closest friends or family ... this place is the only place where you can come and vent, ask questions, just share what you're dealing with at any given moment ... this forum, and the wonderful people here, are the only reason I've made it this far ... and I love you all beyond measure !!
yesterday, laser treatment on eye this morning, and massage this afternoon. Next I see my therapist tomorrow afternoon! I tire easily these days and can't keep up this pace! 
