1908 replies to this topic

[thismoment]

xman

 

We are often more mindful of the minds of others than we are of our own. 

 

"My thoughts are constantly in motion and it is difficult to straighten out The thought process."  I don't think there is a way to straighten it out in the moment; perhaps the best we can do is strive to calm it, make it less self-argumentative. And with time and patience, a mindful, accepting, and non-judging approach toward our own minds will do the work of straightening out the thought process. But it's slow, and mindfulness is tedious and sometimes cumbersome, and often elusive.

 

I'm sorry you are still having depression. I sense that you feel you are being inexorably moved into a corner: as deadlines approach and you're still struggling, I understand considering another SSRI. There is no right or wrong here, there's only your well-being, and only you can define that.

 

You have some time yet, and in general you've been moving forward and upward. Therefore, can you hold on to that mast for another 6 weeks and continue to push forward, without embracing thoughts and symptoms that seem to preclude one outcome over the other? If you can idle the self-analysis from time to time it's easier to identify the subtle improvements that do come along.

 

And at that time, re-assess where you are. If you can manage it- it just might prove to be a very worthwhile endeavour.

 

Take care.

[Wagtail]

My positive for today is : I had my first appointment with my new therapist yesterday & we got along nicely. She was aware of the discontinuation period which was a good place to start. The hour was mostly spent by her getting to know me & what I was dealing with .
I was brought to tears a few times recounting certain life altering events & discussing the " Carers depression " I experienced when my darling mum passed away from Alziemers @ 73 yo. Apparently the feelings from that are still quite raw.

My daughter drove me & picked me up after & took me to lunch , we both shed a few tears over a cuppa.
I was emotionally drained by the time I got home & needed to take 1/2 of a 1 mg Ativan to help me settle & sleep .
I feel almost normal this morning , do I dare hope that I have almost got this beaten & I am going to survive the whole dreadful journey !.
This old girl might be down but she's not out ....
Love & positive thought to each & every one of you ..xxx

[FiveNotions]

Wagtail, I'm outta likes for the day, but like like like your post!

Just as I thought, first session pretty much a "getting to know you" time...and how absolutely excellent...she knows about the "discontinuation period"!!! By the time you get done educating her on your own experience, she'll be calling it the "hell" we all know it is!

Talking with my therapist always used to exhaust me....I had a lot of my sessions on Saturday mornings...I'd come home and sleep all afternoon....every time I talked and then slept, I woke up feeling just that much better....over time, I'm sure you'll feel how greatly it removes the anxiety....because you'll be talking it out, with someone who's in your corner, and can help you process it from the huge iceberg down into little crunchy bits of ice that can melt away....or be used to chill your iced tea. ;-)

What a wonderful positive for you to share with us!

[xman]

Thank you ThisMoment. Yes, I can hold onto the mast.

[Limbo]

A positive moment for me is the newborn kittens at the family farm. I cuddle them each day, and it's like magic, my tired mind relaxes and it's as though a refresh button has been hit. Thank god that not everything you love fades with depression, those little bouncy kittens feel like a lifeline. 

[FiveNotions]

Awwww......kittens!

My positive for today is that I wanted to stay in bed and sleep all day to avoid life....instead, I made myself get up...The bldg supervisors are making their annual apt inspections this week, mine is due for tomorrow....so, I treated myself to a small cup of coffee from the little grocery store in my apartment building, spent some time here reading and writing...and then, I hand scrubbed my bathroom floor.....took a nice long hot shower, put on some baggy sleep shorts and t shirt...and am now going to take a nice long nap....when I wake up (hope it's late the afternoon!), I'll mop my living room wood floors with Murphy's oil soap and neaten the kitchen....

When the bldg dudes come tomorrow, I have a list of things I'm going to ask for.....three leaky faucets to be fixed, and...I need new appliances (the oven hasn't worked in several years, nor has the temp control on the fridge) and new window blinds (vertical slats are missing)...and a new bathtub or to have it restored....

I lived with this and didn't notice/care during the cymbalta lost years....I want, deserve, a fresh start in terms of a livable apartment :-)

[GonnaMakeIt]

A positive moment for me is the newborn kittens at the family farm. I cuddle them each day, and it's like magic, my tired mind relaxes and it's as though a refresh button has been hit. Thank god that not everything you love fades with depression, those little bouncy kittens feel like a lifeline. 

I feel the same way with my bunnies, Limbo  It's so strange to not give a crap about anything else at all in the entire world except them--many times I've been on the verge of the unthinkable and they have honestly saved my life!  They are what keeps me going--even through all of the not cleaning the house for months, lack of personal hygiene, not leaving the house, no energy or desire to do anything including simple tasks like paying bills, etc. but I still take care of my bunnies   I'm in big trouble if hubby or daughter see this but I'm just being honest ...

[FiveNotions]

Bunnies, kittens and cats, turtles, doggies.....yes, they help us heal....to be needed by some small living creature....to be loved without demands....and, to know we need to overcome the nausea, vertigo,anxiety, whatever of this process at least long enuf to give them food,water and a bit of love and attention...

yep, I sure don't know what I would have done without my cats during the hard withdrawal months....they really didn't leave my side....slept with me, followed me to the bathroom....the days that I had to crawl I think they thought I was playing with them ;-)

[thismoment]

What I love about animals- dogs, goats, horses, birds, fish, (I didn't mention cats because cats are people) is the fact that they only speak the truth. You'll never see some smarmy bullshitting sociopathic sheepdog sidle up beside you in the Lizard Lounge and try to talk you out of your knickers!

[fishinghat]

OH MY MY   Cats are people?  That Cymbalta really did a job on you TM. I think you are having a relapse.  lol

[TryinginFL]

I agee about the animals...

 

Don't know what I would have done w/o my dogs - they slept with me and stayed near me the whole time I was doing all my crying and raging - no questions asked - just their unconditional love!  I didn't want to leave the house either and sometimes I still don't.  I feel more comfortable being alone with my dogs.  

 

I had a friend who used to call me every day - even before the Crapalta stuff, but enjoyed telling me what to do...

Guess she finally got tired of hearing my tales of agony for the past few months.  She has stopped calling and I don't even care!   I feel that I have more peace w/o her.  She actually unfriended me on FB as well - guess that was not really a friend.

 

Today's positive is that I had my massage therapy and that always makes me feel pooped afterward!  I then proceeded to go grocery shopping - not a great idea, but at least it's over...   This really helps the fibro. The massage, not the grocery shopping!

 

One more little positive story - I had thrown out some old bread onto the patio for the birds and squirrels and I was surprised at a new thing I witnessed!  Mr. cardinal was picking up crumbs of bread and feeding them to Mrs. cardinal....  how amazing and sweet!  It gave me the happiest feeling and one of hope - there IS beauty in the world that I have failed to see while I have been on this poison and the 5 1/2 months I have spent in hell.

 

Bless you all for being here for me

[FiveNotions]

TM, I'm all out of likes, but I LOVE that image... LOL!

.

What I love about animals- dogs, goats, horses, birds, fish, (I didn't mention cats because cats are people) is the fact that they only speak the truth. You'll never see some smarmy bullshitting sociopathic sheepdog sidle up beside you in the Lizard Lounge and try to talk you out of your knickers!

[FiveNotions]

TFL.....nope,that gal is not, was not, a real friend....goodbye and good riddance.... that behavior really ticks me off... Growl.....

[xman]

I smiled when I read the stories about the animals above and they are so important . They are pure and innocent. And that is why I get up each and every morning.

Quick story: I had my backyard certified by the National Wildlife Federation years ago as a backyard refuge. This morning there are Purple Martin babies Bewick Wren babies, squirrels, Cardinals Blue Jays and a rescued RES turtle. I haven't used chemicals or pesticides indoors or outdoors in over 25 years. The balance of nature…

Even though an urban area I am so happy to be able to provide a little food, water and habitat for the Wildlife. Indoors -the domestic variety of furry rescues off the street. I love them all and dream about living in the country again someday with horses and goats and laying hens, just to name a few.

[TryinginFL]

xman -

 

Hooray for you!  That is wonderful - too bad there aren't more people like you, no matter where they live.

 

I love that - a backyard refuge!

 

Bless you and the creatures for which you provide a safe home...

[gail]

(One more little positive story - I had thrown out some old bread onto the patio for the birds and squirrels and I was surprised at a new thing I witnessed!  Mr. cardinal was picking up crumbs of bread and feeding them to Mrs. cardinal....  how amazing and sweet!  It gave me the happiest feeling and one of hope - there IS beauty in the world)

 

Lucky tou Liz for witnessing the cardinals feeding one another.

Such beautiful birds, and their whistle, my goodness, out of this world.

 

Blue Jays,  imagine the details it took to create such a beautiful and yapping bird.

They do bring freshness in our lives.

 

Squirrels, just love them.

[gail]

Xman, backyard refuge! wonderful, would do the same if I had a backyard. Just bravo, it is admirable.

 

When I hear these stories, first thing to come in mind is, what a beautiful soul this person has! Makes me smile a happy smile.

[TryinginFL]

Ok, I'm out of "likes" again - Gail, I love your posts!

[fishinghat]

Now you are talking. I have a 500 sq ft garden and about 15 bird boxes (which mostly have babies now), This includges house wrens, several pairs of bluebirds, cardinals and brown thrashers. We also get a lot of visitations from goldfinchs. We have seen both grey and red fox in our yard, possums, and a family of skunks that made a home under our back steps. (That was not acceptable) My wife elected me to catch them and relocate them into a rural area. I love them all (even the skunks).

[fishinghat]

You know I was just thinking......I have a resident mockingbird in my yard. He starts calling around 5 AM and doesn't stop until around 8 PM. Know I could turn him into squab soup real easy.  lol

[Wagtail]

I just woke up & I am sitting reading through all your positive posts about the animals & the first thought to cross my mind was , " such empathy these people share !." This is the reason we all need help living in this " angry cruel " world in the first place .
We obviously care more than most & a good percentage of it's human population think differently to us .
A lot of us are just huge marshmallows ..

[TryinginFL]

Wagtail -

 

How right you are!

[thismoment]

I went into the back yard this morning to cut some chives. There on the ground sat a baby Robin imagining it was invisible, and I whispered, "I can't see you. I'm leaving now. I'll get chives tomorrow." The image of the tiny bird remains crystal-clear in my mind; I thought of getting my camera but some faculty that seemed outside of my brain told me that would be vulgar. So I just let it be and went inside.

 

Today's the first day after the New Moon, my favourite day of the month. The skies are dark and deep and the Milky Way is flung out like jewels sprayed glittering on black velour. And the moon is on it's way back.

[gail]

Oh FH, I envy you with all those feathers and fur and claws and all.

 

Where I used to live, there was a family of skunks under my patio. I let them be, they got used to my voice and footsteps.

 

And can you imagine that there was an albino skunk, all white, so big. Saw him twice, they paraded on my balcony.

Had them for 2 years, then they moved elsewhere. I missed them so much, watched them at night parading with the heads going front to back endlessly like chickens.

[gail]

The new moon? TM, you must live far far away, because, here in Canada, the new moon is tomorrow.

[thismoment]

Doh! You are absolutely right!! I'm 24 hours out of the loop!

So I'm feeling pretty good 24 hours ahead of my normal schedule-- that's a good thing-- my memory, however is another story. Thank you Gail!

[Limbo]

Wow. I read these recent posts with my morning coffee. All the notes people made about how animals support them was truly inspiring. I wish I could post pictures, and I'd show you those fluff balls that make me smile. Thank you guys for sharing and making my morning brighter. 

[FiveNotions]

TM, you can have your new moon any time you want it....you've earned that honor! ;-)

As for our beloved critters, I ran out of kitty food yesterday and felt too crappy to leave the apartment to go get some...couldn't even drag myself down the hall to the little over-priced grocery store in my building.....so, I opened a very large can of choice Alaska salmon that I'd been saving to make something yummy for myself......and gave them the banquet of their dreams .....woke up about a half hour ago to the sounds of hungry cat cries from the kitchen....there they were, sitting right in front of the pantry where that can had been....facing the door and yowling expectantly....

Something tells me that the Purina kitty chow I'm getting them today ain't gonna make them very happy.... :-)

[fishinghat]

_FN

 

_{Just give them a couple Cymbalta. They won't care what you feed them.......Oh that was a bad joke!!}

[xman]

I ran out of likes however I love all the stories from Wagtail, Liz, FN, TM, FH, Liz, limbo, gail. Anything we do for the animals, whether admiration, feeding, watering, protecting, it's all so important. TM you have the ultimate picture of that Robin in your minds eye, yes?

this week the purple martin fledglings will attend flight school, I believe. It's amazing how they just jump out of the nest and into the air and take flight. It is a wonderful sight!

PS yes FN you have just created new expectations among the kittys!