Oh Chimera my heart breaks for you
This is not what you need right now. I know how hard you have been trying to be strong and let me tell you - You Are Not Mad - You are a wonderful person going through an incredibly hard time and deserve to be treated better than that.
The withdrawals from this drug make us all feel inadequate and emotionally like children at times and some of us more often than others. It is a hard thing for us to understand what is happening to us never mind someone who has not experienced what we have. The anxiety and ill feelings make me feel so bad about myself at times that I feel insecure about my hubbie wanting me. I have questioned why he was going to town and staying away from me for so long at times so I understand how having your bf go out to a club without telling you would make you feel. I wish that I could reach out and hug you for real as I feel your pain and confusion.
I also wish that I could reach out and slap your bf on the side of the head and ask him "Do you know what this poor girl has been through? How could you be so thoughtless and cruel to her?" I would probably say a bunch of other things to him as well but I can't type that on here.
Some people like to bully, insult, and be mean to people who are kind and gentle because it makes them feel strong. They are the ones that are dirt not you. You don't need to put up with people like that in your life.
You are a wonderful caring person Chimera and don't you forget that and in spite of the suffering you have been through and are still going through, you have helped and encouraged so many on the site including me. I am glad that I know you and consider you to be a wonderful friend that I know I can count on for a kind word.
Don't be hard on yourself dear, you have fought this battle too hard to think badly of yourself. We have to be survivors to have gotten this far so lets not give up the fight. This is not the way you wanted this to go but you can get through this. Keep posting on this site as you are very good at encouraging people and we would all be missing a special person without you.
I am so glad that I have been able to be friends with you here on this site. This isn't the greatest way to meet someone but I consider meeting you to be one of the benefits of getting off Crapalta.
Take care of you because I care