12 replies to this topic

[DonnaBS]

I was hoping someone could help me - My husband of 20 years has been on cymbalta for 6 months before that paxil. Since he has started on depression medication he has turned really withdrawn and doesnt even want to sleep beside me. He has this absent look in his eyes. Friends have said it about him also. They feel like he really isnt there anymore - talking the talk but this absent look in his eyes. Last weekend he stopped cymbalta cold turkey and OMG is he mean - Absolutely evil. Tue we went to the kids gymnastics meet and all of a sudden he wouldnt sit beside me and talk to anyone around us. Stopping at the store on the way he was absolutely irritated about it. Then the following morning I texted him and asked him why he couldnt be civil to me and could pretend to be so nice to everyone else. He came home and when I asked him he was so angry - told me he doesnt love me and wants me to leave him alone. He says he hasnt loved me in 5 years (sorry but this is bullshit!!!) He says that I made him go to the gymnastics which isnt true because I only asked him what he was doing that evening and could he bring them and he said sure. He is completely irrational and says he is only around right now to figure out what to do with his kids. But he doesnt want anything to do with the kids - has a fit if he has to sit through a gymnastics meet. I tried to talk to his Dr. about it and he wouldnt even listen and just dismissed me as a silly wife. I think after 20 years I know what my husband is like and this is not him. He is looking for apartments to live in now and wants to run. It scares me because I really dont think he is well and this cymbalta has messed up his head. Has anyone else had any symtoms like this with their spouse? He is so mad and angry at me and I do not understand why. I dont show him any bills or try to stress him in anyway because of his depression and have been keeping all stress from him. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for about 7 years straight. I heard that depression comes after recovering from alcohol but I think I am losing my mind. This is not the person I met or married. He really does not care about me at all and is so mean. Has anyone else felt this way from coming off cymbalta - hating the only person that has ever been there for him and helped him through it. I am very compassionate but I dont know what to do. Is this the mental cymbalta talking or does he totally hate me?

[Junior]

I was hoping someone could help me - My husband of 20 years has been on cymbalta for 6 months before that paxil. Since he has started on depression medication he has turned really withdrawn and doesnt even want to sleep beside me. He has this absent look in his eyes. Friends have said it about him also. They feel like he really isnt there anymore - talking the talk but this absent look in his eyes. Last weekend he stopped cymbalta cold turkey and OMG is he mean - Absolutely evil. Tue we went to the kids gymnastics meet and all of a sudden he wouldnt sit beside me and talk to anyone around us. Stopping at the store on the way he was absolutely irritated about it. Then the following morning I texted him and asked him why he couldnt be civil to me and could pretend to be so nice to everyone else. He came home and when I asked him he was so angry - told me he doesnt love me and wants me to leave him alone. He says he hasnt loved me in 5 years (sorry but this is bullshit!!!) He says that I made him go to the gymnastics which isnt true because I only asked him what he was doing that evening and could he bring them and he said sure. He is completely irrational and says he is only around right now to figure out what to do with his kids. But he doesnt want anything to do with the kids - has a fit if he has to sit through a gymnastics meet. I tried to talk to his Dr. about it and he wouldnt even listen and just dismissed me as a silly wife. I think after 20 years I know what my husband is like and this is not him. He is looking for apartments to live in now and wants to run. It scares me because I really dont think he is well and this cymbalta has messed up his head. Has anyone else had any symtoms like this with their spouse? He is so mad and angry at me and I do not understand why. I dont show him any bills or try to stress him in anyway because of his depression and have been keeping all stress from him. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for about 7 years straight. I heard that depression comes after recovering from alcohol but I think I am losing my mind. This is not the person I met or married. He really does not care about me at all and is so mean. Has anyone else felt this way from coming off cymbalta - hating the only person that has ever been there for him and helped him through it. I am very compassionate but I dont know what to do. Is this the mental cymbalta talking or does he totally hate me?

Hi Donna

Unfortunately Paxil is one of the hardest a/ds to come off. How long was your husband on it, what dose, and what was his taper schedule like? I know of people who have come off this drug c/t, been fine for a few months, then hit a major wave of withdrawal at 6-7 months off. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news

Any Paxil wdl will, of course, be compounded by the use of Cymbalta since these two drugs work differently. Both chemically change brain function and I have no doubt that at least part of your husband's current feelings and behaviour are due to these drugs.

This site is very illuminating http://ssristories.com/index.php

Kind regards
Junior

[Junior]

I don't know if this really helps you any but I have been off my Cymbalta for 3 days now (quitting cold turkey because I feel like a zombie and my doc won't listen)and I feel awful. My skin keeps twitching, my head hurts, I'm soo dizzy and every little thing seems huge like it is an intentional strike against me. I've never felt this way before. They put me on this crap because after all the tests depression was the only way they could explain my fatigue but it never got better and now that this stuff is in my system I am for the first time feeling crazy but at the same time it feels as though I am for the first time seeing things clearly because the fog is lifting. God I hope this doesn't last forever.

Cold turkey is NOT a good way to discontinue anti-depressants. Even the drug companies themselves don't recommend this. A/ds chemically alter brain function and it takes time for it to return to its pre-med ways. It is far far better to taper slowly.

Take care
Junior

[nursedeborah]

I was hoping someone could help me - My husband of 20 years has been on cymbalta for 6 months before that paxil. Since he has started on depression medication he has turned really withdrawn and doesnt even want to sleep beside me. He has this absent look in his eyes. Friends have said it about him also. They feel like he really isnt there anymore - talking the talk but this absent look in his eyes. Last weekend he stopped cymbalta cold turkey and OMG is he mean - Absolutely evil. Tue we went to the kids gymnastics meet and all of a sudden he wouldnt sit beside me and talk to anyone around us. Stopping at the store on the way he was absolutely irritated about it. Then the following morning I texted him and asked him why he couldnt be civil to me and could pretend to be so nice to everyone else. He came home and when I asked him he was so angry - told me he doesnt love me and wants me to leave him alone. He says he hasnt loved me in 5 years (sorry but this is bullshit!!!) He says that I made him go to the gymnastics which isnt true because I only asked him what he was doing that evening and could he bring them and he said sure. He is completely irrational and says he is only around right now to figure out what to do with his kids. But he doesnt want anything to do with the kids - has a fit if he has to sit through a gymnastics meet. I tried to talk to his Dr. about it and he wouldnt even listen and just dismissed me as a silly wife. I think after 20 years I know what my husband is like and this is not him. He is looking for apartments to live in now and wants to run. It scares me because I really dont think he is well and this cymbalta has messed up his head. Has anyone else had any symtoms like this with their spouse? He is so mad and angry at me and I do not understand why. I dont show him any bills or try to stress him in anyway because of his depression and have been keeping all stress from him. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for about 7 years straight. I heard that depression comes after recovering from alcohol but I think I am losing my mind. This is not the person I met or married. He really does not care about me at all and is so mean. Has anyone else felt this way from coming off cymbalta - hating the only person that has ever been there for him and helped him through it. I am very compassionate but I dont know what to do. Is this the mental cymbalta talking or does he totally hate me?

Donna,
It's the drug, and his going cold turkey!!!! It's not you!!!! This stuff is awful, and ruined me, and my life!!!
He is not being rationale, and his doc should be listening to you!!! Did you tell him he just stopped it cold turkey.
Well never mind doc know nothing about this drug.

I too am in recovery, and man this this was harder to get off than any of the street drugs, or other crap I did.
I would go toAlAnon just to save your own sanity, because there isn't anything you can do with, or about him right
now. Just take care of you, and kids if you have any.

Let me know how things are going. He's trying to get off heroin right now, without help, I am sure his sponsor will
catch his behavior, or his friends, and call him on it!!!! God is in charge.

Debbie
I am in AA too!

[Junior]

Thank you so much for your support. He wont talk to his doctor and now I am the one who needs help according to him. I need to take care of myself because he needs to take care of himself. Understandable so but I also have to take care of the kids. I am a nut case this last 2 weeks because of it - He mood swings, so happy and nice to everyone else but his family. It actually makes me sick - It should be the other way around - care about us. I will go to alanon - Ihave tried some online and they do make sense. I dont know why his psy could have put him on this then if he knew he was in AA and sober for 7 years. His doctor wont talk to me anyway says that he has to talk to him and my husband wont call him. He never told his sponsor he was on cymbalta or was being treated for depression - I talked to him last week to ask him to keep an eye on him. I know it was aggainst all AA principles but I am worried about him.. Hes still mean - doesnt care about me at all even when I am upset at him being mean to me and just doesnt see it. I thought he was having an affair on top of things last week because all of a sudden it was all my fault. He wouldnt give me any info on his friend from AA but I talked to her after going nuts for 4 days and shes lovely and an older lady helping him out. But he was like stay away from my AA family they are more important to me than anything else in this world. Which I understand he needs his AA family for him to be here for us but if he isnt being honest with them how can he help himself and why are they first??? Arent we meant to be first - Me and the 3 kids he has? How could he say that ?? Sorry so confused! Thanks for helping

Donna, do they recognise Dual Diagnosis where you live? Are there any drug and alcohol support services? I was at a work meeting today where our guest speaker/s were from a drug and alcohol service and they reach out to all family members who are affected. I'm an Aussie so I don't know what is available to you but it might be worth checking out.

Junior

[beanpoleon]

I am only on my second day of cymbalta withdrawal, but your husband sounds like me during my celexa withdrawal. Like you, I've been married for twenty years. I don't know what's going on in your husband's mind, but I became extremely unpredictable and irrational (lacking usual or normal mental clarity or coherence). I included the dictionary's definition because it sums up perfectly my state of mind. My wife said something completely innocent and I snapped at her, "SHUT UP, I WANT A DIVORCE." Looking back, I'm shocked at my behavior but at the time it seemed perfectly reasonable. Driving was a nightmare because instead of having a short fuse, I had no fuse. Any delays anywhere had me boiling mad.

I think we (people going through withdrawal) wrongly feel that we are in the eye of the storm while everything rages around us. Anything or anyone that forces us to face responsibility or stress becomes the focus of our anger; an anger that is always out of proportion and usually unwarranted. We want to be left alone because we've lost our ability to cope and fear hurting loved ones. It's unfamiliar territory, terrifying, makes us wonder why we're acting this way, if we've gone insane....I'm all of a sudden unhappy with my marrage? Yeah, she's causing this. I'm seeing things with a new clarity. If I were alone things would be better. Pure B.S.

Donna and Debra, I hope things work out for you and your families and that the husbands are successful in regaining themselves because they may truly regret any losses suffered.

[MaureenV]

I am only on my second day of cymbalta withdrawal, but your husband sounds like me during my celexa withdrawal. Like you, I've been married for twenty years. I don't know what's going on in your husband's mind, but I became extremely unpredictable and irrational (lacking usual or normal mental clarity or coherence). I included the dictionary's definition because it sums up perfectly my state of mind. My wife said something completely innocent and I snapped at her, "SHUT UP, I WANT A DIVORCE." Looking back, I'm shocked at my behavior but at the time it seemed perfectly reasonable. Driving was a nightmare because instead of having a short fuse, I had no fuse. Any delays anywhere had me boiling mad.

I think we (people going through withdrawal) wrongly feel that we are in the eye of the storm while everything rages around us. Anything or anyone that forces us to face responsibility or stress becomes the focus of our anger; an anger that is always out of proportion and usually unwarranted. We want to be left alone because we've lost our ability to cope and fear hurting loved ones. It's unfamiliar territory, terrifying, makes us wonder why we're acting this way, if we've gone insane....I'm all of a sudden unhappy with my marrage? Yeah, she's causing this. I'm seeing things with a new clarity. If I were alone things would be better. Pure B.S.

Donna and Debra, I hope things work out for you and your families and that the husbands are successful in regaining themselves because they may truly regret any losses suffered.

I recently came across a 'new' list of withdrawal symptoms for these sorts of drugs, and one of the listed symptoms was 'depersonalization', which accurately reflected the way I was during Cymbalta withdrawal.

I was exactly like you've both mentioned - absolutely irrational (although it felt perfectly rational at the time), and looking back can see that I was viewing things as though I was some other person, unable to put the people and experiences I was railing against into perspective AT ALL.

With one close friend, it was by email, and looking back on them now (with the person, to have a 'laugh' at how bizarre I was, and how wonderful they were) I was looking for the tiniest flaw in their point of view whilst maintaining the most illogical standpoint of my own.


VALUE ANYONE WHO PUTS UP WITH YOU (US) DURING THIS STAGE!

regards, Maureen.

[beanpoleon]

Too true.

[Ms_M]

I am so sorry to hear about people lashing out at families during the w/d. I don't know what I would do without my beloved during this godawful process.

I pray that your husband will eventually come around, but in the mean time, I believe, as others have said, take care of yourself. Keeping things as normal as possible is important - especially for the kids.

God bless.

[Patti]

My husband is also suffering from Cymbalta withdrawal syndrome and it's been very difficult for us. He was put on Cymbalta by our PCP about a year ago to help him with chronic pain that he has from bad arthritis in his neck. Since it didn't really do much to help the pain and he just generally didn't like the way it made him feel he decided to stop taking it. Weaning brought on horrific side effects with the very first reduced dose and so he decided the quickest way to get it over with was to go cold turkey. What a nightmare it's been for both of us. It's been about 2 months now and he is still suffering from symptoms:
night sweats
muscle cramps
stomach upset
dizzy spells
feeling like he has OCD and ADD

But the worst symptoms are those that have affected our relationship.
absence of libido
absence of affection
absence of attention
absence of passion or joy for anything that has anything to do with me.

We were a perfectly happy couple with an above average sex life even at our age - I just turned 50. He was always an amazing spouse and I could never fault him for ever treating me badly - ever. But since he stopped taking this drug it's pretty much ruined a good relationship and happy marriage. He is constantly avoiding me and running away to our vacation home which is a 5 hour drive. He will only talk on the phone long enough to report where he is and let me know he's alive, rarely asks how I'm doing or shows any interest in my feelings. It's been the absolute worst event in my life. We've talked about it at length and his answer is that he feels like he died inside and he just has no desire for sex or romance or anything to do with affection. The good news is that he says he still loves me and feels bad that this is hurting me. But he's unwilling to go on any meds ever again to help ease the transition so I'm just going to have to wait and see where this takes us. Hopefully time will heal all our wounds.

I know this didn't give you any advice or anything but I thought you might like to know you're not alone.
Good luck and hang in there,
Patti

[MaureenV]

My husband is also suffering from Cymbalta withdrawal syndrome and it's been very difficult for us. He was put on Cymbalta by our PCP about a year ago to help him with chronic pain that he has from bad arthritis in his neck. Since it didn't really do much to help the pain and he just generally didn't like the way it made him feel he decided to stop taking it. Weaning brought on horrific side effects with the very first reduced dose and so he decided the quickest way to get it over with was to go cold turkey. What a nightmare it's been for both of us. It's been about 2 months now and he is still suffering from symptoms:
night sweats
muscle cramps
stomach upset
dizzy spells
feeling like he has OCD and ADD

But the worst symptoms are those that have affected our relationship.
absence of libido
absence of affection
absence of attention
absence of passion or joy for anything that has anything to do with me.

We were a perfectly happy couple with an above average sex life even at our age - I just turned 50. He was always an amazing spouse and I could never fault him for ever treating me badly - ever. But since he stopped taking this drug it's pretty much ruined a good relationship and happy marriage. He is constantly avoiding me and running away to our vacation home which is a 5 hour drive. He will only talk on the phone long enough to report where he is and let me know he's alive, rarely asks how I'm doing or shows any interest in my feelings. It's been the absolute worst event in my life. We've talked about it at length and his answer is that he feels like he died inside and he just has no desire for sex or romance or anything to do with affection. The good news is that he says he still loves me and feels bad that this is hurting me. But he's unwilling to go on any meds ever again to help ease the transition so I'm just going to have to wait and see where this takes us. Hopefully time will heal all our wounds.

I know this didn't give you any advice or anything but I thought you might like to know you're not alone.
Good luck and hang in there,
Patti

These are the sorts of posts I think of when I see people saying 'might as well go cold turkey and get it over with quickly'; unfortunately it sometimes takes the brain even longer to adjust after the sudden shock of withdrawal than it does for those weaning down slowly, with much lower side effects.

Good luck.

Maureen.

[ataloss]

I can really relate, I also have aloved one on/withdrawing from cymbalta, and he's so unspeakably mean to all family members. He just rants at everybody, making total irrational and untruthfull accusations, threathening to leave at all times, and so on.
After 20 years of seeing this behaviour progress, now on cymbalta it has truly become unbearable. Worst part of it all is that even on calm moments, you NEVER get a "sorry", at most something like "yes, you may be right" (but which at a later point gest thrown back at your face, without a doubt). It is always, always all about him.

I recently ponder if it may not be best for our family to just break off all contact with him, because sooner or later the kids will get hurt too. I would be happy to restore contact if he has got his life back on the rails, but how is one to know?

[GrandPulse]

Please, don't take it personally. If you haven't gone through withdrawal, you couldn't possibly begin to understand how it makes you feel. I'd suggest that your husband tapers off instead of going cold turkey, because I'm going cold turkey and it really sucks. Just understand that it isn't you or anyone else. It's the lack of meds that have his brain going haywire.