162 replies to this topic

[LeVana]

Hi@all

There is still no really improvement...this month I had 12 "bedbound days". Yesterday I hit the one year mark after quitting cold turkey dulox and prega after 10 years.
my symptoms are still unbearable:
- cervical dystonia
- muscle cramps
- teeth chattering, tremor
- derealization, depersonalization
- massive anxiety
- crying spells, depression, hopelessness
- brain zaps

I wish I wasn't alive.

Sad greetings,
LV

[invalidusername]

LV....

 

I don't know what to say. I feel for you so much - really I do. I remember my days like this which I could pretty much tick all the same boxes. It makes me want to jump on the next plane to Germany and give you a big hug! Sometimes the best thing is to have someone there who truly understands what you are going through.

 

For me, that was the toughest part. People telling me just to "pull myself together", or "it can't be THAT bad". My first battle like this after a near-death car accident I was living with a girl and she had no idea. Getting angry at me because I couldn't do the shopping due to my agoraphobia, or when I had days that I simply couldn't get out of bed. You need people around you that have been there that understand and can give you support.

 

Fortunately for me, my second time around I found the forum and it changed things so much. So please stay in touch. Drop a post, or even PM me. I will always be here for you.

 

Keep taking a journal of your daily feelings and despite the bad days returning every now and again, you should start to see things slowly returning to normal. I am just so sorry that it has taken such a long time.

 

Take care my dear - please keep in touch

 

IUN

[LeVana]

Hi IUN

thanks for your words...you're so nice. Sure, I will give some updates here.

After 12 months I thought it would be better than it is and it would be much more positive. Actually I don't think to recover from it. Dulox destroyed my life :-(

Stay healthy!
LV

[fishinghat]

I was afraid of this but it is understandable. Two bad withdrawals at the same time. My heart is in agony over how you are suffering. I know it doesn't seem like it but it will get better. You are one tough person. 

 

Best wishes and prayers

[LeVana]

Thanks HAT,

don't believe it but there is no other choice. I have to wait...

LV

[invalidusername]

Hat is spot on that our brain chemistry is SO delicate that it takes very little to push us over the edge. They need consistency in order to heal and after I was pushed and pulled over so many drugs, I went through some horrendous times. It wasn't until I saw someone privately that he told me to go back onto Citalopram and do not change and wait it out - and it worked.

 

After Dulox screwed me up, I was put on Escitalopram, back to Citalopram, to Sertraline then added pregabalin (which REALLY screwed me up). So from September through to around March, I was similar to you - and then in March I switched back to JUST Citalopram under the private P doc and around July I was feeling something like myself.

 

That is just my story, but it sure tells you that these things can happen to anyone.

 

And of course, Hat's own story - similar, but far worse. 

 

The suffering of having to wait can just be TOO MUCH some days and we feel like giving up, but this is where we need to reach out and get all the support we can. 

 

Your bravery is absolutely AMAZING and I am so PROUD of you.

 

Hugs and kisses,

 

IUN

[LeVana]

Hi IUN,

thanks for answering me!
I think I did the wrong decision to replace dulox (SNRI) with escit (SSRI). Dulox increases adrenaline and dopamine.....escit decreases both.
In the end of it, withdrawal becomes more difficult.
In hospital (oct 2023) they recommended venlafaxine but I refused. Maybe a big mistake. Switching SNRI to SSRI is not possible for me. Or I should have chosen fluox, but it wasn't available for months. Fluox also has effects on adrenaline/dopamine.

Everything went wrong and I made a mistake taking cit/escit.

That's why I won't recover :-(

LV

[invalidusername]

Hi LV....

 

You have really done your homework over these months and did some of the right tests, but the problem is that regardless of all this work, the drugs are still an unknown. It all depends on the neurological makeup of the individuals brain. Otherwise, every SSRI/SNRI would have the same effect on everyone. 

 

There is no knowing that, even in the most simple of examples where an SSRI should increase serotonin, fluox might in one, but not in another. This is why we have so many of the damn things.

 

So don't blame yourself for what you feel you could have done. You did all you could, but again, there is still no knowing which drug is going to have the desired effect until it is trialled. 

 

You mention cit/escit and I remember being told that escit is like a citalopram 2.0 - what citalopram SHOULD have been. But it was all sh!t. Escitalopram DID not work with me despite it being "the better version of Citalopram". No. Citalopram worked for me, but I went through a series of other drugs until I finally got the advice from the P-Doc. 

 

It was tough advice to follow having been told to try all these other drugs by so many other doctors, but I knew I just had to pick a route and stay with it.

 

Please don't think you won't recover. Your time will come my dear... really it will.

 

IUN

[invalidusername]

LV...

 

I have sent you a PM, which I can see you haven't seen yet.

 

Look at the top right of the page and there is a little envelope icon and there will be a small "1" above it. 

 

Please click this and read my message - I want to help you as much as I can...

 

IUN

[LeVana]

oh ok, sorry

[invalidusername]

no need to apologise - just wanted to make sure you were ok....

 

Hear from you soon,

 

IUN

[LeVana]

I'll get back to you later...feeling very bad right now.

[invalidusername]

In your own time my dear - I won't be going anywhere...

 

My depression has creeped up on me again these last few days. You are never alone.