541 replies to this topic

[looneytune]

Hope you 3 guys are OK and coping

 

Me? I'm on day 10 of Covid symptoms.....tested positive

 

I don't think i have ever had the flu, any flu (I've been lucky that way) but I have had it now

 

10 days of symptoms and 8 of those days in bed with high fever....phlegm galore and all my hot spots of old pain and sore bones are ramped up to TEN out of TEN

 

Headaches/no appetite/depression/anxiety....and groaning like a stuck pig. It has put the fear of God into me of ever catching this again but yet, there are those who did not survive it

 

Wife had it at same time to add to the tension and fears....worst fortnight in a loooooong time

 

 

xxx

[LeVana]

Hi LV - don't worry about reporting similar progress - it is just nice to know you are still going on. It is also somehow comforting that other people are often going through similar circumstances and understand. 

 

I really feel sorry for you over the last three days however. I DO remember those days - well, months in some cases - and I know that Hat had a very intimate relationship with his bedroom cupboard - I am sure he won't mind he saying. We have all had some VERY rough times, but we are ALL still here. 

 

However long it takes to heal, you need people to be there for you, and that is what we are here for.

 

I'm currently freaking out and my health anxiety is at its worst. I had some weird blur develop in my left eye vision. They need to do more tests, but it might involve laser surgery... in my eye... and that totally scares me. I don't like the idea of having a laser being shot into my eye. Or at worst it is a retinal tear from the back of my eye and I can't even write what that involves as I will break into a full blown panic attack.

 

We need to keep strong my dear... 

 

Take care and stay in touch,

 

IUN

Hi IUN,

 

what caused these eye problems you have? Did you suffer from this before or did it occur suddenly? I think, laser surgery is a safe technique to treat minimally invasive. My mother in law also had this recently - and she´s fine!

 

Last month I spoke to a doctor who knows about PAWS and long time use of antidepressants / drugs. From his experience the withdrawal of ssri/snri can last 18-24 months - especially after cold turkey. He said it´s so typical that I´m still going through windows and waves but it´s a sign of healing. And he also said he doesn´t know anybody who didn´t recover from antidepressant WD (in contrast to drugs like LSD or MDMA) but it takes a lot of time and patience.

 

I´m so tired and broken of dulox WD...and I cannot bear the daily horror any longer. Miss my life!

 

LV

[invalidusername]

Hi LV...

 

No idea what happened with my eyes - they have been fine and this just happened out of nowhere. But I had all the tests done yesterday and had to wrestle with my old friend anxiety. I hate hospitals, I hate stuff with eyes and I have always had health anxiety. So I didn't stand a chance! But after an hour, they told me that my eyes were absolutely perfect for my age and there was nothing going to impact my sight. They said my issue is neurological and that it may just pass over time.

 

Regarding your stuff, this is unfortunately the harsh reality of it. I remember people simply not believing Hat when he said it can potentially take up to two years, and a stupid facebook group that I tried explaining the same to that just wouldn't listen. 

 

You brain is changing every second, and it just takes time, which is unknown to us, how long that will take to reach homeostasis.Only natural that you are feeling so broken by all of this - anyone would be. Any member,and good friend of mine, LDN, really put stuff into perspective when he has Lymes disease, ME as well as the withdrawal. He has been through 11 years of it! How he has made it through I will never know, but he is know coming out the other side after so much perseverance. 

 

So if nothing else, remember that we are NEVER alone. There are always people out there going through similar things. It suck. Completely. But the bottom line is that it DOES improve - we just need to hang on to that.

 

And Looney... I am really sorry to hear about what happened. I can't believe that the damn thing is still out there. I have never had COVID and refused all jabs. Kept getting letters and phone calls from my doctor telling me I HAD to get it done. The hell I do! I'm afraid that I still stand by the vaccine only being used in the right place such as elderly and vulnerable. It simply was not needed especially as it was done right of the bat. The very thought of the jab scared me, and now look at all these people taking Pfizer etc to court and an unexpected rise in heart conditions in younger people with no history of problems - they can't explain it?! 

 

Anyway - how are you both doing now?

 

IUN

[looneytune]

Hope all are well and managing their problems

 

I am finding that every week or so, sometimes a little longer, I have a CRASH of sorts.......anxiety and depression and DOOM! to me the episodes don't play out like regular depressions with so many "good days" in between so I put my hope in the fact that it might still be all them drugs I have started and stopped these last two or 3 years.......last 18 months alone i have used....'Venlafaxine/Mirtazapine, a lot/Diazepam, a lot/ and Duloxetine and tapered and stopped two at the same time....the COVID infection has been playing hell with my nerves and mood

 

LAST DIAZEPAM 14/11/23                   
LAST DUL30 01/03/24
LAST MIRT  02/06/24

 

Whaddya think guys...should I cut myself some slack and tell myself that most of my ongoing problems are likely to be caused by the use and abuse and Withdrawal of all of the above?

 

I have this recurring week or 10 days of relative normality and the ZAPPO a punch to the stomach and I become overwhelmed once more....it usually lasts one two or three days then moves on

 

A strange thing the other day.....I woke up with NO FEAR whatsoever, almost like I had taken something for my nerves ....that lasted a day or two. Normally I wake most mornings full of DREAD!!!

 

This movie I am starring in is the Directors Cut movie 

 

Love the 3 of ya xxx

[fishinghat]

"Whaddya think guys...should I cut myself some slack and tell myself that most of my ongoing problems are likely to be caused by the use and abuse and Withdrawal of all of the above?"

 

Oh absolutely!! I have seen people go through similar situations and take a year or two just to begin to have a few days. Believe it or not...You are doing great.

Whaddya think guys...should I cut myself some slack and tell myself that most of my ongoing problems are likely to be caused by the use and abuse and Withdrawal of all of the above?

[looneytune]

[LeVana]

Looney, me too. I have two or three days feeling ok / I can tolerate the situation...and then it changes dramatically to be bedridden for nearly three days. After that the game starts again. It's so demotivating to going through this roller coaster. I'm not able to plan anything.

It's not the life I had before.

[looneytune]

Yeah and it's soooo hard to trust yourself to be OK and eventually you just wait/expect it....it's a bUMMER

 

Keep well darling xx

[LeVana]

alright! and suppose it's over one day: how do I know it's over now??

I'm afraid of every day getting hit by the next wave of anxiety and deep depression. I can't celebrate improvements 'cause they don't last long.

[fishinghat]

They should last a little longer each time. From what I have seen this usually starts around 4 to 6 months after the last dose. Keep track for a while and see if they are getting longer.

[invalidusername]

Wow this brings back a lot of stuff from "my time". But just like you Jon, I was pushed and pulled in every direction with so many drugs all at once, This started in the August of one year, and I eventually started to see some light in the following April. It is so so tough, but the fact that you are seeing the better days not only improve, but lengthen, as Hat said, you are doing great. The noggin is such a complex organ and no-one can be entirely sure how long or how severe, but it HAS and WILL improve further.

 

Just remember that it is normal for people living an "everyday" life to suffer bad days. A recent survey from several 1000's in the US said that they probably had 3-4 bad days a month - that is one a week. So remember this is a benchmark. If you were happy everyday you wouldn't be human, you'd be a gameshow host.

 

I haven't felt good since my friends funeral on Wednesday, so I am really trying to tell myself that this is normal. Depression here, anxiety there. My drinking brain is telling me there is always a solution in the bottom of a bottle of Whiskey, but I am not going there, it will only make things worse even if I get one evening of relief.

 

@LV - I am so sorry to hear about your issues and I can TOTALLY relate to it. How can anyone plan something when you don't know what the next day will bring - or even the next couple of hours. I remember that so well and as I said above, I am not in a good place at the moment. But I still have call-outs and repairs booked in that need to be done and I just want to disappear somewhere where there are no phones, no emails, no computers...

 

It is a struggle, and we just have to band together.

 

I'm shattered just after two call-outs and writing this reply!!

 

Take care everyone

 

xx  

[looneytune]

I am kidding myself on here....I'm not really improving at all and I don't think it's got anything any more to do with the various withdrawals

 

I either throw myself off a tall building or get some help.....there are TWO of us in this household and the wife is living with a shell of a man. if I had to cherry pick a med for maintenance of functioning stable mood it would be Sertraline

 

I tried it two years ago but only lasted 3 days and should have persevered......anyone got good reports about Sertraline and please spare me the horror stories...I need to be confident if starting new med regime

 

xxx

[fishinghat]

LT - Do what you need to do to have a life. 

 

Myself, I went to sertraline after 6 months of suffering after my last dose of Cymbalta. Like you, I also had other issues going on at the same time as my withdrawal symptoms. My psych dr put me on a low dose of 50 mg of sertraline for a month and then raised the dose by 25 mg a month until symptoms were under control. With each increase in dose the symptoms got better and better. The reason for the slow increase in dose was...

 

1) With each increase in dose there are stomach issues for about 10 to 14 days before disappearing. A onetime big start-up dose can really make you sick for a while before the stomach settles down.

 

2) With a phase in you can find the dose that provides relief without taking any more sertraline than necessary.

 

I also would like to mention that I have been slowly reducing my dose over the last few years when I feel I can handle it. Withdrawal symptoms have not been bad as long as I go slowly.

 

Please take care of yourself LT.

[looneytune]

@fishinghat

 

What level dose of Sertraline did you end up on with all the increases?

 

I originally tried for 3 days before giving up due to increased anxiety last time out but gonna ask good Doctor to start me on 25mg for a month first B4 moving to 50mg*....if necessary

 

Did it help with both anxiety AND depression Hat?.....would you say it helped?

 

 

* my trial on these meds two years ago only lasted 3 day but I think the 50mg initial dose was too much for my ass

[invalidusername]

Hi LT...

 

Great support from Hat there as always. And please don't throw yourself off a building.... nothing is worth taking your life for. Without wanting to sound selfish -  I would surely miss you here!!

 

Regarding the Sert - as with all anti-depressants, you have to give these things time, and it can be really tough and the symptoms vary from one person to the next. For Hat it was stomach issues, and for you anxiety - and now for my father, it would seem both! He has only been on them a week. 

 

I did my time with Sert as well, and whilst the start-up wasn't too bad, around the 2 week mark, my tinnitus went out of control - I mean super loud, driving you mental. I wrote it off as a start-up symptom, but I have it 2 weeks - it didn't improve and I was getting scared, so I quit... over 2 weeks and back onto Citalopram. 

 

Unfortunately, 3 days of any given symptom is quite likely, but hopefully disappear - especially anxiety and depression as these are known to INCREASE before they DECREASE when taking these things. 

 

I think what you are proposing of starting on a lower dose is a very good idea. Hopefully, this will allow you to give it time by limiting the start-up stuff.

 

Keep up posted and steer clear of anything that could cause stress - no more than before...

 

Here for you mate

 

IUN

[fishinghat]

I wound up at 150 mg but like I said I had other things going on as well that would have required a higher dose.

 

The depression I was having at the time was due to nearly complete testosterone failure due to Cymbalta so the Sertraline would not have helped that anyway. It was very effective for the anxiety I was having from withdrawal as well. Remember it takes 4 to 6 weeks for sertraline to kick in. As I said, there were other things going on as well that you don't have to face. My dr tried 5 other antidepressants for my withdrawal symptoms prior to trying sertraline so I was also going through the effects of changing 5 antidepressants at the same time. Not a very good memory.  lol

[fishinghat]

P.S. - How is your covid doing?

[looneytune]

Oh, its been pretty hard......exhausted a lot of the time with reduced breathing and depression and anxiety have rocketed........all connected and documented with some folk after a brush with C19.....feeling kinda depersonalised and detached....it's for this reason that I have finally given up my goal of a med free existence and going to see Doc on Monday

[looneytune]

I am just hoping to wake up some morning at 4am and NOT be in a state of abject terror and fear then spend the rest of day in bed with Mr and Mrs Intrusives

[looneytune]

What happened to that nice girl (forumite) on here who died?

[invalidusername]

It certainly sounds like you have a lot of the aftermath of Covid. And what with that deteriorating your health, it is likely to increase anxiety and depression. 

 

I don't remember a member forumite? Have you seen some of her posts? 

[looneytune]

She may have been a mod but was well loved and thought of....

[invalidusername]

She may have been a mod but was well loved and thought of....

 

I think you might be speaking of our beloved Gail.

 

Unfortunately, her medical problems went further than just mental health, but despite these, she had such a strong character and would rarely speak those other medical problems. She was on the forum posting and replying to other right up until her final few days.

 

She is proof that angels do indeed walk the earth.

[fishinghat]

"I am just hoping to wake up some morning at 4am and NOT be in a state of abject terror and fear"

 

I probably understand that feeling better than any member. I fought through that for several months, 24 hours a day. I laid curled up on a pile of blankets in the corner of my closet and often screamed in terror or screamed for help. I could no longer stand it and finally turned to ssri for help.

[invalidusername]

"I am just hoping to wake up some morning at 4am and NOT be in a state of abject terror and fear"

 

I probably understand that feeling better than any member. I fought through that for several months, 24 hours a day. I laid curled up on a pile of blankets in the corner of my closet and often screamed in terror or screamed for help. I could no longer stand it and finally turned to ssri for help.

 

It still hits me with anxiety whenever Hat mentions this part of his life. It was one thing for me to have been a prisoner in my own house for a few weeks... but not confined to a closet. It just shows you just how hard these things can hit someone.

[looneytune]

My poor Mother suffered dreadfully with her nerves and it was the 70's

 

She was on Valium for years and they (Docs) knew nothing at all - just like today- about the dangers of withdrawal

 

They eventually cold turkey'd my lovely Mother and shortly after she had a complete break down that would never lift completely,right up until the end of her life. She died age 58 a year after my Father died at 57

 

I was in my 20's and witnessed her bizarre behaviour, which as I said ,was ongoing for years. When the breakdown started to manifest at first we lived with it for a while but eventually had to call a Doctor to the house. He thought she had had a brain tumour ,such was her degree of distress and suffering but it was only a breakdown and to my mind a breakdown courtesy of Valium WD

 

She would suddenly get up from her armchair and shoot across the room to another chair and carry on like this the whole night and sometimes we found her in a cupboard (^HAT)

 

The visions and horror stories I have regarding this lengthy period still fill me with a cold sweat and a little guilt....we as a family had no understanding of what was going on and I am ashamed to say we used all the cliches on the poor soul......don't go back to bed/pull yourself together and all that heartless shit....I wish I could hold her right now and tell her how much I loved her and sorry for the less than professional approach to her illness

 

I have often lay in bed in one room and felt the overwhelming urge to get up and run to another room or even a cupboard where perhaps sanctuary would await

 

She eventually got TB and spent 18 months in isolation/mental ward with a type of TB that did not respond to medication. On the morning of her death she said..."I am going to die today" and true to form she died in hospital a few hours later. I stayed by her bed side and the family made plans for someone at her bedside 24 hours a day

 

I momentarily left her bedside to take my girlfriend (now wife ) to the taxi rank and when I returned 5 minutes later she was gone. Damn

 

I know instinctively these memories and years have helped mess me up. A kinder soul you could never wish to meet and not ONCE did that lovely woman complain to anyone or even talk about her plight. I had her at my house for her last Xmas and she said to me....would it be OK if I lay down in your bed for a while?

 

I understand all her problems myself now and have nothing but admiration and love for her but I barely give her a second thought anymore as it just tortures me so

 

Thank you for everything Teresa and all that you did for me and all the sacrifices you made

 

Love you so much

 

John/Christine/Isabelle and Teresa

 

xxxx

[fishinghat]

Oh can I understand all of that. It is interesting that I too had TB back in '73 but mine was treatable.  There is one difference between me and your mother. I am always complaining.  lol

 

I also am moved to say that my wife has been a rock for me as well through all this and her sacrifices have been awe inspiring. She went through 4 spinal surgeries while I was going through so much mental anguish and never stopped taking care of me.

 

May God bless your family, IUN's family and mine as well as all the member's families. They suffer so much through this.

[looneytune]

Amen

[invalidusername]

John,

 

That was a very heartfelt message you wrote and I can feel that it would have been difficult for you write of such memories.

 

You really have been through a lot of tough times, and I am so sorry to hear that you lost your father so soon, and even more so that your mother went through all that she did. But you can't blame yourself for these things you feel guilty of - as you said - no-one was to know any better in that day and age. 

 

Keep focusing on the times you had together and that you had the moments whilst she was alive. She is in eternal peace now and will have understood everything that was placed in front of her - as difficult as it will have seemed whilst she was here with us. Just as we will, too, understand the suffering that we have, and are, going through. 

 

My father, who has advanced stages of Parkinson's as you know, is the same as your mother. He never complains about all he is going through and on Friday he started  feeling tight in the chest and coughing, but wouldn't think anything of it. This morning he lost consciousness and was taken into hospital. Sure enough - an infection - which with Parkinson's, if left untreated, can punch your ticket home.

 

It shook me up a bit and I want to be there as much as I can for him. Make his final time here really count.

 

I feel so fortunate for having such wonderful people that I have found here on the forum. There is no doubt that my life has been made so much greater as a result of everyone I have met - so many wonderful souls. 

 

Bless you all... and thank you for giving me an opportunity to have such wonderful friends.

 

IUN 

[looneytune]

Thanks IUN and all the best for you and your dad

 

xx